Worry

..or late at night.

I want to start a feature called What The Hell Wednesday, where we marvel at the extraordinary things that happen – on a daily basis – in our lives.
Are you in?
Great!
Okay. I’ll start.

Over Thanksgiving weekend our old doggie had another seizure (two in ten days).

Since the vet was closed for the Holiday, and Dita seemed to recover in under ten minutes (tail wagging, ball in her mouth), we decided to forgo an emergency visit, observe, and wait until the vet re-opened.

On the outside that’s what it looked like we were doing, but on the inside we were freaking out, consumed with worry, thinking this could be “goodbye”.

You see, our previous dog had a seizure, followed by another every day, until we had to put her down. All within a week. My husband and I both have post traumatic seizure syndrome.

That night, while acting cool, calm and collected (for Dita), I laid in bed and awfulized, working myself into a tizzy (albeit a quiet one).
My thoughts were racing. Don’t kid yourself, you know how this ends was what that practical bastard in my head kept repeating over and over.

Fears greatest hits – on an endless loop.

My husband had anesthetized with pie. I was not so lucky.

I meditated. I listened to my tapes. Finally it got so bad I asked for help.

Please, you’ve gotta help me with this, I write about gaining control over fear, but I’m spiraling over here.

I must have pleaded for a minute or two when a very calm voice came through: It’s not like the other dog, they’ll be able to control it with medication.

Uh, okay. They can do that? With dogs I mean? They have meds for seizures?

It’s not like the other dog, they’ll be able to control it with medication.

But what if…

It’s not like the other dog, they’ll be able to control it with medication.

That’s all they said, exactly those words, over and over, until I calmed down and went to sleep.

A couple of days later, at the vet, after numerous blood tests and X-rays; as he brought the old girl back into the room, I KNEW what the Vet was going to say; I’d even told my husband.

“It’s not cancer like your other dog, we can control it with medication.”

I swear. Verbatim.

Asking for help, then listening for the answer=good.

Spiraling out of control=not so good.

AND even if things look the same, they are not!

What The Hell! I LOVE when that happens!

Now it’s YOUR turn. Please share your best WTH story in the comments below. I know everyone would love to read them – especially ME!

Big Love,
xox

“We have perfected the attitude of worry. If we don’t have something to worry about, that worries us.”—Michele Longo O’Donnell

Stress is a thug and a thief.
It’s a thug because it has such little regard for our well being, and a thief because it absconds with BIG chunks of our time.
They add up.

Stress, that jerk, has looted years of accumulated hours from my life.

So I have no problem giving stress the finger, whenever I can.

I take great glee in pissing it off.

Here are the top ten things that piss-off stress.
Practice them wisely…..and often.

1) Rest.
Stress HATES when we’re well rested. We make better decisions, we’re on our game and less likely to muck things up.
Naps, long weekends and vacations are its Kryptonite.

2) A Sense of Humor/Laughing.
Have you ever tried to laugh while completely stressed out? A real, deep belly laugh? It’s almost impossible. It’s akin to keeping your eyes open when you sneeze. The two CANNOT co-exist.

3) Asking for help.
Stress can’t stand it when we realize our limitations, delegate and ask for help. It needs a frazzled, over extended, perfectionist, control freak as a host. Calling in the Calvary BEFORE you’ve reached your wit’s end, sends stress the silent Jedi signal: This is not the droid you’re looking for.

4) Believing you have enough.
If you believe you have enough time, money, resources, help and happiness, you will be invisible to stress. It will pass your house and go torment your neighbors.

5) Exercise.
Yes, it is possible to outrun stress. You can outrun it on the treadmill, or with the dogs at the park. Once that heart rate goes up and those endorphins kick in, stress will NOT be able to keep up. Stress carb loads; it always goes for seconds, eats peanut butter out of the jar with a serving spoon, and parks illegally in the handicapped space, so it never has to walk far. Stress hates a fit body and a clear head.

6) Organization.
When you’re well organized, meaning, you know where everything is, and can easily find it, stress has a shit fit.
How can it fuck with you and mess with your head, if you can immediately come up with your passport, keys, glasses, insurance papers, rent check, stamps, cat nail clipper and both of the same black sandals?

7) Behaving like a grown up.
Stress despises adult behavior. Stress is counting on us to NEVER grow up. It adores a good temper tantrum and will do everything in its power to keep us from getting our ducks in a row. As a matter of fact, it is heavily invested in the prospect of us not saving for retirement, avoiding responsibility, making uninformed decisions and never planning for the future.

8) Self care.
This pisses-off stress almost more than anything. Getting a massage, doing yoga and meditating. Those are three of its mortal enemies. It throws its hands up, shakes its head and walks away in defeat. It can’t take hold of a peaceful mind.

9) Not caring what other people think.
Once you drop that bad habit, stress will have to go find another victim. Don’t feel bad for a second. There are millions.

10) Awareness.
Stress has a fit when you call it out. It can’t stand that you know its name and what it looks like.
It would rather stay anonymous, in one of its many disguises. As a headache, an ulcer, colitis, hives, over eating, over spending, depression and anxiety.
I told you, it’s a thug.
It knows, that once you know why it’s there, it’s days are numbered.

Can you think of more ways to piss off stress? Tell me what you do, I’d LOVE to hear some comments!

Xox

I’m on my way to New York today and I’ve downloaded this book so I can read it on the plane and report back all my take-aways. Until then, here’s an interview with the author, Tara Mohr, by the darling Kate Northrup.

“Playing it big is being more loyal to your dreams than you fears.“

Big love,
xox

“We have perfected the attitude of worry. If we don’t have something to worry about, that worries us.”

—Michele Longo O’Donnell

Stress is a thug and a thief. It’s a thug because it has such little regard for our well-being, and a thief because it absconds with BIG chunks our time. It adds up. Stress, that jerk, has looted months, if not years, of accumulated hours from my life. So, I have no problem giving stress the finger, whenever I can. I take great glee in pissing it off.
Here are the Top Ten things that piss stress off. Practice them wisely—and often.

1) Rest. Stress HATES when we’re well rested. We make better decisions, we’re on our game and less likely to muck things up. Naps, long weekends and vacations are its Kryptonite.

2) A Sense of Humor/Laughing. Have you ever tried to laugh while completely stressed out? A real, deep belly laugh? It’s almost impossible. It’s akin to keeping your eyes open when you sneeze. The two CANNOT coexist.

3) Asking for help. Stress can’t stand it when we realize our limitations, delegate and ask for help. It needs a frazzled, overextended, perfectionist, control freak as a host. Calling in the Cavalry BEFORE you’ve reached your wit’s end sends stress the silent Jedi signal: This is not the droid you’re looking for.

4) Believing you have enough. If you believe you have enough time, money, resources, help and happiness, you will be invisible to stress. It will pass your house and go torment your neighbors.

5) Exercise. Yes, it is possible to outrun stress. You can outrun it on the treadmill, or with the dogs at the park. Once that heart rate goes up and those endorphins kick in, stress will NOT be able to keep up. Stress carb loads, always goes for seconds, eats peanut butter out of the jar with a serving spoon, and parks illegally in the handicapped space, so it never has to walk far. Stress hates a fit body and a clear head.

6) Organization. When you’re well organized, meaning, you know where everything is, and can easily find it, stress has a shit fit. How can it fuck with you and mess with your head, if you can immediately come up with your passport, keys, glasses, insurance papers, rent check, stamps, cat nail clipper and both of the same black sandals?

7) Behaving like a grown up. Stress despises adult behavior. Stress is counting on us to NEVER grow up. It adores a good temper tantrum and will do everything in its power to keep us from getting our ducks in a row. As a matter of fact, it is heavily invested in the prospect of us not saving for retirement, avoiding responsibility, making uninformed decisions and never planning for the future.

8) Self-care. THIS pisses off stress almost more than anything. Getting a massage, doing yoga and meditating. Those are three of its mortal enemies. It throws its hands up, shakes its head and walks away in defeat. It can’t take hold of a peaceful mind.

9) Not caring what other people think. Once you drop that bad habit, stress will have to go find another victim. Don’t feel bad for a second. There are millions.

10) Awareness. Stress has a full-on hissy-fit when you call it out. It can’t stand that you know its name or what it looks like. It would rather stay anonymous, in one of its many disguises. As a headache, an ulcer, colitis, hives, over eating, over spending, depression, and anxiety.

I told you, it’s a thug.
It knows, that once you know why it’s there, it’s days are numbered.

Can you think of more ways to piss off stress? Tell me what you do, I’d LOVE to hear some comments!

Carry on,
Xox

I was discussing intuition the other day with someone I love.
I will call her: My sister. Yep, we had blabbed over salad, about the kids and my new class and we had worked our way to discussing intuition, you know, just like you all do.
I was reiterating how in my experience, intuition’s not loud, it doesn’t yell, it is never a question and it just keeps repeating itself, over and over.

She looked at me and said: How am I supposed to hear it, over that other voice in my head? The loud, snarky, judgy one, that says we shouldn’t order the cake.
Right?
Call him ego, call him the devil, call him whatever you want. He’s an asshole. Michael Singer in “The UnTethered Soul” refers to that voice as “The Room Mate” which I love. The ever present pest.

Here’s the answer. Short and sweet.
YOU ARE NOT THAT VOICE. You are the listener. Let that sink in.

Just tell that guy to: Shut the F up.
After he’s been on his endless, negative rant about my weight or my bank account or my age, I give him 10 seconds to say something positive, or he MUST shut up.
That’s a trick, because it’s impossible for him. Those words just don’t exist in his vocabulary and it renders him speechless.
Ahhhhh quiet.
THEN I can hear intuition’s voice.

I do it in the car, in meditation, in the shower and the bewitching hour…3AM.
My friend Sally and I did it on our hike.
We just demanded that that scoundrel: Shut the F up.
I’m sorry, but cursing is required here, he doesn’t respond to polite requests.
He’ll just call you a weak suck and criticize your grammar.
We then laughed through the rest of our walk.

Mind you, it takes practice and in the beginning he doesn’t stay away for very long.
He’s like a wild, untrained 8 week old puppy, peeing all over your hopes and dreams. He needs boundaries and it takes discipline. 
But we MUST, all, set these boundaries with the voices in our heads.

They are not us. We are the listener, we call the shots, we get to turn the channel.
This listener prefers the Positive Channel over the Worry Channel.
The Worry Channel has a 24 broadcast cycle with a huge audience, but it makes me sick…literally.
So now you know the secret. Cuss him on his way, and get some peace and quiet.

What’s the name of your pest? What tricks do you have to share?
Start a conversation in the comments, won’t cha?

XoxJanet

• This was written by Martha Beck, whom I love! It is about our drought here in the West, but her advice is applicable to pretty much anything in life.
  Happy Sunday!
  XoxJanet

Don’t Worry About the Rain
By: Martha Beck
Last year was the first I spent in California. Having come from the desert, I was all excited about the winter greenness, the rains that always come in October…okay, November…well, FOR SURE in December…or absolutely in…January?
Or not.
This is the first time in recorded history that the rain has not come at all. The forest I love is gray and stark. I swear I can feel things dying.
I was getting rather testy with God about this when a thing happened.
Jeanette Trompeter, a journalist and pal of Master Coach Jill Farmer, asked to interview me for the local news. We did the interview, then I forgot all about it. Several weeks later, I happened to flip on the TV exactly in time to catch the segment about me. Jeanette then told the weatherman how worried I was about the drought. The man in the magic box faced me and said, “Martha, stop worrying about the drought.”
I know! Right?
It still hasn’t rained. That’s how these things work. When I was deep in debt, I got winks that said “Stop worrying about money.” It arrived…eventually. When I was “incurably” ill, I got winks that said “You’ll get well.” I did…eventually. The good stuff didn’t happen when I wanted it to, but it happened. And in the meantime, these loving messages from the universe helped me drop useless anxiety.
Try this: Think of a current “drought” in your life. For 10 minutes, just trust that it will all be okay. Trust that you’re being guided. Trust, against all odds and evidence, that you are safe.
When I use this exercise on my drought fears, the strangest thing happens: I feel it raining inside myself. I become a microcosm of the life-giving rain that, someday, will bring California back to life. Or so I trust.
EDITOR’S NOTE: A week after Martha wrote this, it started raining in California.

I can’t remember where or when I first heard this pearl of wisdom. It really resonated with me, and I continue to carry it around, in that invisible hiding place where we keep those things that get us out of our emotional “jams”.

If you’re like me, and from your emails, I know you are! I can get mired in a swirling eddy of despair, playing my “Greatest Hits” tape of worry, on an endless loop, with the best of ’em.

My mistake was always that I thought I needed to be stoic, to present a facade to the world that said, “Hey, I’ve got this handled”!
Besides, who wants to hear my bitch list? People have their own problems, I don’t want to bring anybody down.
And…I know how this stuff works. If I spend TOO much time in the energy of the problem, I’m nowhere near the solution.

Worry really is a sport best practiced alone. It does it’s finest work in the dark wee hours of the morning, or driving alone in the car. And…It cannot survive the scrutiny of someone’s else’s questioning. Remember that!

The BEST way NOT TO WORRY ALONE is to confess your worry to someone that is equipped to help, meaning, if it is regarding your health, a doctor. Don’t go on the internet!! You KNOW what I mean, enough said!
If it’s about leaving your job, then seek counsel in a friend who’s been through that.
If it’s money, speak to someone who’s financial situation you admire.
Ask questions, seek answers.

Here’s the deal, you can worry aloud to a girlfriend, I did last weekend, and it really helped. But that was a self confidence demon, and girlfriends are the best for that!
For the other stuff, you can’t find REAL relief from the worry, unless you speak it to someone that has the knowledge that can put your mind at rest.

We all spend hundreds of wasted hours worrying alone about things that can be easily worked out. So I’ve given myself a “worry window” and you can too.
I’m allowed to worry silently, stoically and alone, with only my own limited resources at my disposal, for 36 hrs. 
Then I go and ask for help.

Often, I just ask the Universe to tell me what’s next, and it takes pity on my poor sweaty, sleepless soul, and sends someone. They will mercifully call, or show up with the answers I need.

I’m working on cutting out that middle 36 hour part.
Old habits are hard to break!

XoxJanet