wisdom

“I no longer have patience for certain things, not because I’ve become arrogant, but simply because I reached a point in my life where I do not want to waste more time with what displeases me or hurts me.
I have no patience for cynicism, excessive criticism and demands of any nature. I lost the will to please those who do not like me, to love those who do not love me and to smile at those who do not want to smile at me.

I no longer spend a single minute on those who lie or want to manipulate. I decided not to coexist anymore with pretense, hypocrisy, dishonesty and cheap praise. I do not tolerate selective erudition nor academic arrogance. I do not adjust either to popular gossiping. I hate conflict and comparisons.
I believe in a world of opposites and that’s why I avoid people with rigid and inflexible personalities.
In friendship I dislike the lack of loyalty and betrayal. I do not get along with those who do not know how to give a compliment or a word of encouragement.
Exaggerations bore me and I have difficulty accepting those who do not like animals.
And on top of everything I have no patience for anyone who does not deserve my patience.”

This quote has been making the rounds recently, attributed to Meryl Streep.
The problem is, this quote is actually from the pen of Portuguese self-help author/life coach José Micard Teixeira – not a woman, and not an elder, but a younger man who is suddenly becoming the “not Streep” Internet celebrity of the month.

It makes no difference to me, I’ve got no patience for that stuff.
I just love the quote.
Happy Wisdom Wednesday!

Xox

Even though my neck is developing a waddle, my arms are jiggly, and my bra size is a 36 long, I’m FAR from dead.

I feel great, look pretty darn good for my age, and I want to just give life a big slap on the ass for providing such incomparable entertainment, (because we all came here to be entertained, right?)

Here’s to fifty and beyond!

1) No more zits. That’s huge for me. I literally had chin acne up until five minutes ago.

2) More free time because of reduced mirror time.
I can’t really see anymore but I’ve decided that using the magnifying mirror is masochistic, so, if I have an occasional chin hair or stray lipstick creeping into the creases above my lip line, cut me some slack.
While I used to relish getting ready in the morning, these days the routine ends with me throwing my arms up saying: “Okay, f*ck it! This is as good as it gets.”

3) My BS meter is finely tuned,
I can smell a “phony baloney story” a mile away.

4) I BE WISE.
Not necessarily smart, more like crafty and clever.
I may not have a ton of what some would call common sense, or be very tech savvy,
but I have a keen street sense. In other words, “I be wise in the ways of the world.“

5) People expect less of me because my hair is gray and I often wear more sensible shoes (idiots) so when I get off the back of the motorcycle or I’m funny or say something current, they’re like, “Damn!”

6) My bucket list is getting shorter —and it seems suddenly attainable. Bo Shizzle!

7) I have felt all different kinds of love (except for a child…next life.)
But I DO know the difference between dog love and cat love, teenage crush, misguided 20 something love, sibling love, infatuation (not to be confused with love), lust (also not to be mistaken, under ANY circumstances for love), “I love you, but I’m not in love with you, love”, platonic love, love of country (don’t wince, travel; then come talk to me) And last but certainly not least—Self-love.

8) I give less F*cks.
I have so few left, why waste them? My inhibitions are almost non-existent. I offer my opinion, I don’t shy away from conflict, I’ll sing first at karaoke night and I’ll dance in Greek restaurants.
There’s not much that scares me anymore, much to the horror of my introverted spouse.

9) I stopped asking why. It was just SO exhausting. I wish I’d stopped decades ago.

10) I realize that I may have more years behind me than in front of me, and that doesn’t make me sad (most days)—on the contrary, it mobilizes me.
Listen, times a-wastin’!

Okay, you over fiftys! What can you add?
If you haven’t reached fifty yet, what are you looking forward to?

Xox

Sometimes, in this wonderfully bumpy journey called life; it isn’t enough to inhabit our own skin.
Or rather, it’s too much.

We need some help.

Help keeping our faith. Help pushing our worn out, sad, beat up butts back on the playing field. What we need is assistance from the greats that came before us, whose battle weary eyes have seen everything.

They know stuff. They be wise.

Maybe it was a favorite teacher that you admired or perhaps it was your grandfather, who took you under his wing. Firm but fair.

If they were in a jam- what would they do?

You could turn to them for guidance, perhaps, even for a brief moment, inhabit their skin, standing taller and looking at the situation with their accrued strength, wisdom and grace.

At the Wednesday women’s group, our conversation led to the passing, that day, of Maya Angelou. We were all deeply affected. More than we would have expected. It just felt to us, that Maya Angelou would always share the planet with us….breathe the same air.

It’s been a weepy kind of week, so with her loss, the tears that welled up felt justified in their appearance. Much more so than all the other mundane shit we’d all been crying about. 

Some of us had read her books, others were just familiar with her poetry.
What we all agreed on, was her stature as she walked through this amazing life.
Not only the fact that she was six feet tall; but her grace and dignity, her sense of humor, her courage and most of all; her God-damn gravitas.

I’m sure her BS detector was especially fine tuned.
She didn’t suffer fools and I bet she didn’t take ANY shit….from ANYBODY.

I’m talkin’ to you, Oprah.

Sure, she made mistakes, but she learned, wrote about them, and was the better for it.

We all decided that when life threw us a curveball, or when we were in an emotional tornado, and needed to feel empowered; we’d ask ourselves: 
What Would Maya Do?

It made us laugh-and then we got quiet.
I think it’s now our secret password.
Shhhhhhhhhh. Don’t tell anyone.

I have a small collection of rose quartz hearts from our winter solstice meditations, so this morning, I decided to write What Would Maya Do? on one side and her quote “I Am Enough” on the other.
I’m going to give them to my women to carry around as a reminder, you know, in case they forget the password. It looks like the marker is going to wear off immediately. Maybe reaching into a pocket and feeling that little heart shaped stone will be enough to remember.

Nope.

She wouldn’t fuck around.

I have to find a more permanent marker that stays on stone.
I know that’s what Maya would do.

Who do you have as your “go to” person? Who would you ask?

Xox

“When you learn, teach. When you get, give”
~Maya Angelou

I couldn’t let the day pass without paying homage to the Mother Earth, Goddess, poet, teacher, Maya Angelou.

They are paying tribute, as well they should, on all the media outlets today.
In the car on NPR this morning, I heard a hysterical story, told in her own deep, melodic voice, about waiting in an airport bar for her mother to arrive, and it made me tear up.
You could hear in her voice that the story tickled her.
Ah……that voice. Unmistakable. A real gift to her poetry, and the world.

I remember reading I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings when I was about fifteen or sixteen. It resonated not because I was a young black girl growing up in the Deep South, because that could not have been further from the truth, but because it spoke of freedom and self expression, two things I was desperately seeking in those days.

I just went to look at my dog eared, water stained copy and alas, I must have leant it to a friend.
Damn me and my book lending!

I collect quotes, as demonstrated by the Quotes page on this
blog.
Every wise thing ever said, I tend to attribute to Maya Angelou.

I had a friend (who has since passed) who knew the source of
pretty much every quote. She would joke that if she did get stumped, she’d attribute them to either Mark Twain or Maya Angelou and people wouldn’t blink.

The quote at the top about teaching, is one that comes to mind often, and it gave me permission to start the women’s group. When you learn, teach.
Thank you Maya Angelou.

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”
This one gave me permission to write this blog, so you have Maya Angelou to thank….or blame.

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
One of my spiritual teachers would remind me, that when we die, we watch a movie style life review. There is no sound, just feeling. We have to re-live how we made others feel in every interaction of our life.
That’s some sobering shit, huh?

“You are enough.”
This one’s like a haiku. Enough said.

“When someone tells you or shows you who they are; believe them the first time.”
OMG. This was my mantra in the dating world. I should have had that tattooed to my forehead. (Thank God I re-thought that.)
I was a serial benifitofthedoubt giver. But I eventually learned. When a cute guy, at a party, drink in hand, would ask me out and then quip “I’m not really the monogamous type, or I’m a bad boy, or you’re really not my type”, I learned, from this quote, to run for the hills.

“Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope.”
This quote is why I’m married. At forty two, love was so freakin tired from the decathlon that my hope was putting it through, it walked through a wall, and delivered to me….my husband. Whew!

Here are some of my other favorite pearls of wisdom from that greatest of life’s teachers, Maya Angelou:

“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.”

“If you have only one smile in you, give it to the people you love.”

“Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. But anger is like fire. It burns it all clean.”

“One isn’t necessarily born with courage, but one is born with potential.
Courage is the most important of all the virtues, because without courage you can’t practice any other virtue consistently. You can practice any virtue erratically, but nothing consistently without courage.”

”I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back.”

I’ll end with this one. So wise, so profound and so true.

“My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.”

God’s speed Maya (may I call you Maya?)

Xox

What sound does your heart make when you enter a room?
Is it pinched tight like a bud, or ready to bloom?

Is it a singular sound, high pitched and shrill,
that transmits stress against your will?

Is it a layered tapestry of sound,
where an abundance of different notes abound?

Is it buried too deep and low to hear?
Beneath the surface of a hard veneer?

We enter a room to find a match,
A heart to which we may attach.

So pay close attention to your heart’s broadcast,
If the notes feel old, you’ll repeat the past.

The song of your heart will synchronize,
To the beat of another’s,
Don’t compromise.

Pay attention, be diligent, delightful and wise,
Listen to the hearts of others,
You will be surprised.

Well! That’s a relief!
This may be my favorite sentence of all time!
I may have to embroider this on a pillow,
Or have a T-shirt made!
Because for me right now… it’s all about trust.

I can definitely be someone who feels I have to chase my dreams.
I have to make things happen, because if I don’t, the opportunity
may not present itself again!
You snooze, you loose!

EXHAUSTING!

So I loved, loved, loved, this writing from the Kabbalah Centre
yesterday.
It talks about the crazy line up of the planets right now, and how that can make us feel, and also the way that energy can nudge us in the right direction.
Lots of food for thought, and just what I needed for the New Year, besides all the cookies and pie!

So instead of resolutions, let’s set intentions today and tomorrow
to take us into this new energy of 2014.

The first on my list:
TRUST
The Universe is benevolent, it has my back, it is here to help me,
things are always working out for me,
so all I have to do is be still…and listen.
Because…What is mine, will always be mine, no matter what.

What’s on your list?

Here’s an excerpt of the astrology reading, with the link at the bottom.
Happy New Year!
Xox Janet

“So, here’s what to expect this week:
People we haven’t seen for a long time may reemerge for us to correct something that was left unfinished, we may receive a bill by mail from 1914 (I am barely exaggerating!), or a boss we once used to work for may ask us back into his company. Just expect the unexpected! This is our opportunity to correct, fix, or maybe just understand past events… and the good news is, it’s all to our advantage!
The final lesson this week is about fast-forwarding our actions. We are always so afraid that a good opportunity will pass us by that, oftentimes, we make very impulsive choices. This is the week to practice STOP FAST-FORWARDING TO THE END RESULT DECISION MAKING!
Remember what the kabbalists teach: what is mine will always be mine no matter what.
With the help of intuitive Cancer and deep Capricorn, I trust this week will be one of many revelations and great corrections!”

• See more at: http://livingwisdom.kabbalah.com/astrology-forecast-december-29-january-4#sthash.dFMvicpx.dpuf

“I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind.
Some come from ahead and some come from behind.
But I’ve bought a big bat. I’m all ready you see.
Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!”
– Dr. Seuss

I owned a business.
It was several years ago now.

I left a good job that I had been at for close to 20 yrs.
I put all my proverbial eggs in that one basket.
My money, my creative juices, my blood sweat and tears.

I was excited at the prospect of being my own boss,
Of displaying my wild ideas for all the world to see,
using the skills I had acquired throughout my life.

I felt vulnerable, really vulnerable for the first time in my life.
I was putting myself out there on the big stage, with no excuses.
This was going to be a reflection of me, everything I loved, 
Cared about, and thought was cool.

This was it!
I was 50 and this was the beginning of my beautiful “second act”.

The first year was awesome!
It was tons of hard work with no days off, but I was okay with that.
This was my baby.
It needed me to nurture it, to make it my only focus,
And all was well.

The following year was 2008.
Things got dicey.
There was a feeling of dread in the air, like everyone was silently
waiting for the shoe to drop, holding their breath.
Money slowed waaaaaay down.

Then it was 2009 and the entire closet of shoes dropped.
It was loud!
The bottom seemed to fall out of everything.
People were scared. 
I’d never seen anything like it in all my years in retail.

Everything that was creative and wonderful and fun was gone.
Replaced by unpaid bills, days of not a single customer,
and sleepless nights with me wondering how I got myself into this!
How had I taken such an abundant, wonderful life and created 
This perfect sh* t storm !?

Then in September of that year God took pity on me,
She heard my prayers.
But God has a wicked sense of humor, and a flair for the dramatic.
She sent a flood.
A random, urban flood to sneak up in the middle of the night and wipe out my store.
I’m serious.
The fireman at the scene told me he had never seen water make a hard right turn.
But it did, and it all collected around and inside my sweet little store.
The one that was trying so hard, but just couldn’t stay afloat ( sorry for the pun).

This is the first time I asked myself the question:
Epic fail? Or epic win?
What do you think so far?

Xox Janet
(To be continued)…

“Perfectionism is a self-destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame,judgment, and blame.”

― Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are

After reading this book and hearing this woman, whom I deem A gift from God speak,
I had an “ah ha” moment about that torturous, addictive, up in the middle of the night, thing called perfectionism.

What Brene helped me to understand, was that perfectionism comes from that deep well of shame and inadequacy that we immediately go to when we feel we must impress. But who are we impressing?
That well has been filled by all our negative self talk, and is fed by the very thing that we feel we lack the most.

So we will overextend ourselves, often to the point of exhaustion, to overcompensate. That starts more shame and self judgement, and now those negative voices, they have formed a choir…. A very loud choir, and the well gets deeper and deeper.

Here is the question I’ve had to ask myself. Am I striving for excellence?
wanting to be the best ME I can be? Is that what fuels the desire to be perfect?
Or…is all this tail chasing going on because of what I want “THEM” to think of me?
AH HA! Right?!

I was often under the false illusion that I was just striving for excellence.
But your demons are great bullshitters. They’ll tell you anything to keep the game going, those rascals.

So , “who am I trying to impress”‘ is always the first question I ask myself
When I get that twinge toward perfectionism.

Because you know what?
The peanut gallery,
“THEY”
Are never satisfied.
If they are as judgmental as I am…I’m doomed!

I have to say that age has set me free.
Perfectionism was my judge and jailer much more when I was younger, and age has brought me a certain ability to relax into the fact that things are never going to be perfect, most certainly, myself.

Whew!! What a relief!!

XoxJanet