truth

It’s always about the sparkles, isn’t it?

Love you, Carry on,
xox

This is riot you guys!
But not really.
Ugh.
I’ve sat at this table haven’t you?

Wait! It gets better. I’ve been that well-intentioned jackass who speaks in self-righteous therapist or guru induced gibberish. That’s not communicating you guys. That’s not even a conversation.
THAT is a monologue.

I want to throw a roll at all of them. Don’t you want to throw a roll?
That’s what they need—a good old-fashioned food fight!

CAUTION: this is what happens when you take “spirituality” to the extreme. You think you’re being “authentic”, self-aware, and just telling the truth when you’re actually looking down your nose at everyone, not listening and plain old just being an ass.

Just goes to show that extreme ANYTHING, even enlightenment—is NOT the way to go.

Carry on,
xox

This is a me at about nine I think. Rockin’ my groovy Beatles haircut and braces—and side-eye.

Who is she? You ask yourself after being referred to this blog by a friend of a friend, of a friend, of a friend.

Who is this person who writes about love and loss and everything in between?

What are her credentials? (None, you only need hands and a brain to start a blog—and seriously, both of those are questionable).

Why does she do it? (The truthful answer is: I have absolutely NO idea— I just freaking LOVE it!).

In the beginning, I didn’t need to introduce myself. I had thirteen followers that were pretty much all family and friends, many who had seen me naked.

Now there are new people. People I‘ve just met and some I don’t even know, so…
In an act of foolish self-disclosure here are twenty-five things you don’t know about me.

1. I can’t whistle.

2. Or snap my fingers.

3. I LOVE to sing karaoke show tunes.

4. I have a very low tolerance for liars.

5. I get carsick in the back seat.

6. I hate card games and most board games. (It’s an attention span thing).

7. I had Scarlet Fever and missed most of first grade.

8. I wanted to be a nun in sixth grade.

9. I did some TV commercials when I was in my twenties.

10. I see Angelyne, a Los Angeles icon, out and about all the time!

11. I am a huge SiFi geek.

12. I read mostly non-fiction.

13. I don’t think I’ve gone a day since I was five without nail polish on my toes.

14. I have amazing eye-hand coordination.

15. I’m a very weak swimmer.

16. I have a fear of open water at night. (Just writing that makes my butt pucker).

17. I was once mistaken for a Parisian—in Paris—by another Parisian! (Something I’m very proud of).

18. Cilantro tastes like soap to me.

19. I once melted a rubber spatula in boiling hot caramel while making candy and contemplated NOT throwing it out. (I did toss it—after I laughed myself senseless).

20. I am a sucker for all things Christmas.

21. I pierced my ears myself all eight times. (And I had a navel piercing done by a professional).

22. I could read before I entered kindergarten.(No Tolstoy, just Cat In The Hat).

23. I am in the Who’s Who of American High School Students 1976 edition.

24. I used to bake cakes and cookies for work at Christmas—and watch George Clooney devour them while we talked.

25. I can grade a diamond.

Do you feel as if you know me a little bit better? Anything else you’re curious about? Just ask!

I’d love to know more about YOU guys. Tell me one thing you don’t think anyone knows.
It’ll be our secret.
Shhhhhhhhhh.

In the meantime…
Carry on,
xox

*I don’t care who you are or what you’ve done—This is for everybody who draws a breath, who has loved and been loved; who has tried and failed…and it makes me want to cry!
xox

MANIFESTO OF THE BRAVE AND BROKENHEARTED

There is no greater threat to the critics and cynics and fearmongers Than those of us who are willing to fall Because we have learned how to rise.

With skinned knees and bruised hearts; We choose owning our stories of struggle, Over hiding, over hustling, over pretending.

When we deny our stories, they define us.

When we run from struggle, we are never free. So we turn toward truth and look it in the eye.

We will not be characters in our stories. Not villains, not victims, not even heroes.

We are the authors of our lives. We write our own daring endings.

We craft love from heartbreak, Compassion from shame, Grace from disappointment, Courage from failure.

Showing up is our power.
Story is our way home. Truth is our song. We are the brave and brokenhearted.

We are rising strong.
~Brene Brown
#RisingStrong

Brenebrown.com

“I never said most of the things I said.”
-Yogi Berra

Having written this blog pretty much everyday for almost three years now, an interesting phenomenon has started to show up in casual conversation with family and friends.

I’m being quoted back to myself.
“You know that thing you wrote Tuesday about the forgiveness?” Then they recite it back to me—verbatim.
I just nod, because sadly, my memory has taken a menopause vacation. You guys, I can barely remember to wear pants!

Other times it isn’t even remotely something I wrote. It has the innate wisdom of a Rumi quote or something Oprah said—same thing.

Anyhow, it still boggles my mind that anyone reads this blog, let alone remembers what I wrote—and I feel unending, immense gratitude for all of you.
So there’s that.

Here’s the other thing that takes me aback every time it happens—which is actually growing in frequency.

“This is off the record—I don’t want to see this in the blog”, my friends will whisper.
Even in the car. Like I’m wearing a wire.
Like I’m a fucking investigative reporter doing important journalistic work for The Washington Post or something. It’s all I can do not to snort laugh when that happens.

The funny part is that when I do mention a friend—everyone thinks it’s them.

“That was cool, that thing you wrote about me yesterday” they’ll chirp with pride; and I don’t have the heart to tell them that most of the friends I mention are compilations, you know, to keep me from getting my ass kicked in line at Joan’s.

Truth be told, the person I out the most—is myself. I gave myself permission to do that—to tell the uncensored truth in the very beginning because what’s the use of writing a blog about your life when you don’t disclose anything intimate about yourself! Besides, the real rewards for doing that have been enormous personal insights on my part—and this response from readers: I’m so glad you wrote about that—I thought it was just me.

Well it’s not just you Sheila, I fart in Yoga class too.

Like I said, uncensored.

The second person who has endured being fodder for the blog is my hubby who seems to take it all in stride. It’s like he’s reading about a fictional character called “husband”. He’ll even refer to himself in third person “I felt bad for her husband today”, he’ll remark after reading the blog.

Other days he’ll walk into the room with tears in his eyes.
That guts me.
Here he is, living my life with me—day in and day out—yet, even after all these years of late night pillow talks, patio talks and kitchen talks (If you haven’t guessed, I’m a talker), he’s surprised to read how I felt about something he did or said.

Or the backstage antics of the three ring circus that is disguised as my life.

“I had no idea all that was happening,” he’ll say, marveling at the fact that I can recount all the actual dialogue. “How in the hell do you DO that?”
I just smile.

Then he envelopes me in one of those big bear hugs that I love so much.
And I worry…Shit, I hope he can’t feel the wire.

Be cool you guys, have a great weekend and carry on,
xox

*Stepping out of the shadows; no more lies; no more hiding; no more cloak and dagger. Time for the fresh air of truth to come sweeping in and cleaning out the cobwebs so we can just get the hell on with our lives!
Am I right?
I’m turning over every rock right now you guys,(check out The Observer’s Voice Facebook page for an essay about the 888 energy from yesterday), to make some sense of the last couple of weeks.

Many of you have been commenting, emailing and texting me all of your what the fuck’s? and I’m right there with ya baby, in the thick of it too!
So…A lot of this resonated, some didn’t, but that’s okay, you know the drill: Take what feels right and disregard the rest.

Hang in there guys, we’re rounding the bases, headed for home.
Sending lots of love, hugs, and slaps on the ass your way,
xoxJanet

Combining Head and Heart and Astrology Forecast August 9-15

By Leo Knighton Tallarico

We are working our way through an important turning point in our lives. This past week, since Saturn went Direct on August 2, has brought us to a shift in our consciousness and life. For some this may be rather subtle energetically, but for others it is much more obvious.(um, yeah!)

Perhaps something has come to light that you were not fully aware of before; or perhaps an event happened that turned your thinking; perhaps someone else has revealed something about themselves or you that you were not fully aware before. Maybe a light switch went on in your mind or heart that shows you the way to go now.

This turning point time period will give way to a sense of new beginnings after the New Moon in Leo on Friday August 14. That New Moon will be at 10:53 AM EDT.

The lunar cycle begun at this New Moon in Leo will lead to a very important lunar cycle that will begin at the Solar Eclipse New Moon in Virgo on September 13. The Solar Eclipse will be followed by a powerful Total Lunar Eclipse Full Moon in Aries on September 27. That is called by some a Blood Moon as it is the 4th Lunar Eclipse in row that is a Total Lunar Eclipse, a rare occurrence.

And all 4 of these Total Lunar Eclipses happen on sacred Jewish dates.

And this turning point we are moving through now- included Saturn going Direct while making close aspect to Jupiter, Venus and Mercury- all right at Israel’s natal Mars placement.

So something is really stirring around Israel. And this last week during this turning point time, much has been happening with the Iranian nuclear deal, a deal that is passionately opposed by Israel.

One of Israel’s top officials commented this past week that Israel is considering bombing Iran’s nuclear facilities regardless of this deal that was struck with UN countries.

That would likely touch off a major Middle East and perhaps world conflict.

Iraq, Libya, and Syria are suffering largely because of foreign invasions or influences, and the Islamic State is strongly influential now in those and other countries in the Middle East.

And President Obama’s nuclear deal with Iran is also being challenged by hawkish elements in the USA Congress, in Iran, in Israel and other countries.

Look for more clues, signs and synchronicities this week to tell you what may be coming to the Middle East and elsewhere during the upcoming Eclipse Season.

And this is also true for your own life. The turning point time period will shift into Drive Gear at the New Moon in Leo on August 14. But before Friday keep in mind we are in the last quarter phase of the Moon’s cycle.

So this week before the New Moon in Leo, we will be picking up the emotional pieces from the last few weeks, processing our experiences, and getting ourselves ready for renewed action and greater intensity. Do your best to not let energies of depression control you before this New Moon, but nevertheless allow your soul to come down into its truth even if that truth will tend to “bring you down”.

We have been getting more into our heart and its wisdom and connections during these last few weeks. With a New Moon in Leo and Mars going into Leo on Saturday August 8, there is still going to be a strong focus on heart and creative energies.

What makes your heart sing, what and whom is your heart into, how much can you open your heart to express the authentic being that you are by nature? How much can you improve your self-expression and self esteem-enough to put the controlling ego in the back seat of your life?

But along with this heart emphasis we will be integrating the earthy mental vibes of Virgo. Mercury went from Leo to Virgo this last Friday August 7 and Jupiter will enter Virgo (where it will stay for about a year) this Tuesday August 11.

Virgo is the sign after Leo, and as such it tends to humble the Lion’s big roar of pride. Virgo can also bring some shame to the bravado of Leo, its self focus and its big-hearted honesty. Sometimes big-hearted honesty can hurt others like when a little child passes an overweight person and says “look mommy at that fat man”. Honest and innocent but not aware of its effect on others.

So be ready as we begin to get more Virgo influence of needing to combine more your head with your heart. Your head is your heart’s important advisor and needs to be consulted on important matters. And with Mercury ruling the head of mind and communication, its loves to be in Virgo.

Virgo analyzes, finds “what’s wrong with this picture”?, and generally brings one down into the details of cold reality.

So watch for “reality” to begin to come more into play now, and for a greater need to fix or heal what has been broken or injured.

Jupiter in Virgo will make expansive energies be more grounded in practical and logical ways. Inspiration will need to combine with needs to manifest, not just fly into new ideas that are never earthed.

There will need to be more order to one’s aspirations and dreams.

This may sound like a “downer” to some free spirits. But if you want your spirit to serve your purposes for being here on this Earth at this important time, then you will get some help over the next year to make that more real.

Keep in mind also this week that Venus is still Retrograde and will be until September 6. At this turning point time period, there will tend to be new insights and light shone on important relationships and their patterns and habits.

As you move through this New Moon in Leo, you will be driving your life car forward even if you do not completely know what has recently shifted in your important relationships. Since the turning point is passing, this New Moon will be bringing you forward into a more certain relationship destiny, even if much still needs to be revealed to your conscious mind.

Till next week,

Leo

Leo Knighton Tallarico has been a full-time professional astrologer, spiritual guide, counselor, and writer for 30 years.

https://spiritualtherapy.wordpress.com/2015/08/08/2145/#like-2145

“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Oh, Ralph. Or do you want me to call you Waldo?
How did you get so smart? So enlightened? After all, you lived during the nineteenth century, a time of immense intellectual and industrial expansion; yet it was also the time of corsets, slavery, the horse and buggy, The Civil War, and before the use of the electric light bulb.

You went around espousing and developing certain cutting-edge ideas such as individuality, freedom, the ability for humankind to realize almost anything, and the relationship between the soul and the surrounding world. Holy cow R.W.!

With this quote you give those of us in the twenty-first century, an era whose technological advances you could scarcely have imagined in your wildest dreams—permission.

Permission to make mistakes;
Permission to get over ourselves;
Permission to be high-spirited, unencumbered;
Permission to start the fuck over!

Thank you Ralph, Waldo, Wally? We really needed it, because in that respect—humanity hasn’t changed a bit since you walked the earth.

Nearly two centuries later we have yet to master the art of forgiving ourselves and employing The Start Over.

“Blunders and absurdities” not only creep in, they set up camp and ruin our sleep as they set fire to our lives; and after we clean up the mess and re-group, we have a hard time letting go of the past, the old nonsense—and an almost impossible time forgiving ourselves.

“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could.”

I don’t know about you guys but you may as well be asking me to get into a shark cage in infested waters, or eat just one Lays Potato Chip—it’s simply not going to happen.

Then I remembered this, something I haven’t thought about in eons:

Years ago a friend posed this amazing question to me after too much wine and not enough cheese. (Remember the Sheryl Crowe song My favorite Mistake? It was playing in the back round),
What would you say is your favorite mistake?
I watched as her IQ rose several points just in the contemplation of such a thing.

Me: A Favorite Mistake? Really? I, I, uh, I don’t know. (tens of IQ points evaporating by the second.)

I suppose it was the word favorite that initially hung me up, but the more I thought about it, the more I LOVED the concept.

If we could deem a mistake our favorite, it would release the charge, the tug in our gut.
It would become the path on which we could meet up with “high-spirited and unencumbered”.
It could become old nonsense and jumpstart THE START OVER.

I was willing to give it a try.

“I suppose my favorite mistake was my marriage at twenty. We were way too young and not a good match, and after the divorce we both went on to live happy lives with other people—and we’re still friends” I admitted, feeling lighter by the minute.

Hers was an unplanned pregnancy, a son she had at nineteen. A favorite for obvious reasons.

Thinking about this again, all these years later, my heart started racing as I ran through twenty plus years of memories and they started to look less like a Tela Novela and more like a situation comedy.

Starting my business, my store, is quickly becoming my latest favorite mistake due to all of the internal growth it’s caused. I can finally be done with it. It has become old nonsense, and now I have this (the writing) and SO MUCH MORE. I can say that now.

As I lay in bed the other night it dawned on me that since the beginning of time, humans have tortured themselves over their mistakes to the point where perfectly lovely people lead lives of quiet disappointment trying to avoid another.

What is your favorite mistake? This needs to be a mandatory question on any employment or dating application.
The answer changes people.
It changed me.

Okay, you knew it was coming, Tell me, What’s your favorite mistake?

Then you can Carry on,
xox

On Sunday mornings one of my best friends since…well, forever, comes over after her hike, for coffee and a donut (the coffee is for her, the donut is for me).
Don’t laugh, it’s our thing. She’s the healthy hiker and I’m the slug who sits waiting patiently for a donut. We used to hike together, but that’s a long story about sore feet, with way too much whining (mine) for today.

Anyhow, even though she’s exhausted and I’m a donut scarfing Jabba The Hut on Sundays, we still get together for a few hours to offer each other advice on life (which if you knew us would be laughable), and we do. Laugh—a lot that is.

Lately we’ve been pondering that old idiom: Getting to the bottom of things.
Why do people say that?
Why did we do that? Why, as human beings is that something we do enough to warrant its own idiom?
We needed answers.

If you look it up here’s what you get: Getting to the bottom of things—
To discover the real but sometimes hidden reason that something exists or happens.

And therein lies the rub.
In the history of human relationships when have we EVER had a clue as to why anyone does anything?

Why does someone go out to get cigarettes…and never return?
Why do the Republicans give Donald Trump ANY airtime?
Why are some people liars?
Why are most landlords idiots?
Why didn’t he call for another date when he said he would?
Why do bad things happen to good people?

I used to believe the reason would reveal itself, like the missing piece of the puzzle, if I would just give it my undivided attention.

So I would chew on the dilemma, like a dog with a bone. I’d obsess about it, call my friends to talk about it, worry myself sick about it and cry myself to sleep over it.
Then I’d start over again the next day.
I was relentless in my pursuit of the truth, and like one of those competitive, deep water free divers, I’d put on my two hundred pound weight, hold my breath and hope not to die on my way to the bottom.

But with every trip to rock-bottom I left a little bit of myself down there.
You know, lack of oxygen, lost brain cells, and stolen time. I can never get those days, months, years back.

My friend agreed. She had done the same thing after her divorce. She was determined to discover the real and hidden reason her husband had left she and her two young sons. And just like me, (and probably you too) she was dragged to the bottom. The depths of her despair. Unable to surface, her lungs bursting, gasping for the fresh, clean air of truth.

Here’s the thing we eventually came to realize you guys.

Don’t fucking look for the bottom!

You will never find the truth, the hidden meaning as to why something happened. So don’t go there.
What you want to know doesn’t reside there, not even close. It’s not even in the same zip code.

As you dig and chew and dive below the surface with the weight of the world around your neck, you get further and further away from where you need to be:
1) Making peace with the situation;
2) Accepting the fact that you may never know all the reasons;
3) Making your way back to the surface where you can start your giant. life. reboot.

So quit looking. There is no bottom.

Yeah, we got all that from coffee and a donut (‘cause wisdom needs sugar and caffeine).
Good stuff, huh?

Carry, carry, carry on UP!
xox

You’re my job;
You’re my beloved;
my boss;
my family;
A friend.
Or any recurring fucked up situation.

You hurt me, I hurt you back.
You know, like tit for tat and all that.
Into perpetuity.

You hurt me I walk away. Immediately.
No harm, no foul. You’re an idiot and I’m not going to stick around for a second helping.

See that thing on my shoulder? HUGE chip.
Note to self: Look into “Chip Removal”.

You hurt me, I thank you…and kiss you on the mouth.
Well, that’s figuratively speaking…and not right away.
If I got that close to you, I’d probably bite your lip—hard. I’d want to draw blood.

Back to the drawing board. Back to number one.

No, I’d thank you, but from a safe distance.
Why would I do something so asinine?

Because you showed me who you are.
You saved me from one more minute of anguish.
You stopped lying and pretending and shined the bright light of truth.
Everything became crystal clear.
And it hurt.
Like a fucking knife in the gut, it hurt.

Finally.
Clarity.
It’s not you.
Got it.
Moving on.

Thank you.

Carry on,
Xox

*This post is from almost exactly one year ago. There were a bunch of us struggling with gratitude then…and there are a whole crew ready to throw in the towel right. this. minute.
So here ya go.
Gratitude 2.0
xox

Several of you have been lamenting lately about the fact that you’re having trouble finding gratitude these days. You’ve looked over every rainbow and things still look like shit.

Does that happen to me? Um…..hell yah.

There are days when saying “I got up on the wrong side of the bed” is a colossal understatement. They can happen in succession, which then becomes known as “The Week From Hell” to myself and anyone who breaths my air.

I am to be avoided at all costs.

On those days, I can ONLY tell the cold, hard truth, and if “you can’t handle the truth,” as Jack Nicholson so famously snelled (which is a sneer and a yell) to Tom Cruise in A Few Good Men, don’t call me or come over. Don’t ask me if your butt looks big in those jeans, if your bangs are too short or if I like your new boyfriend.

Really. I won’t be kind.

On those days the “truth” as I see it is tragically skewed.

All my eyes can register are the flaws and fuck ups in life.
Not the big heavy, real stuff. Those things are glaringly evident.
I’m talking about finding fault with the little shit, and the way those things can pile up and send you over the edge.

We’ve ALL had those days.

A beautiful table, but I can only see the tiny scratch.
My husband comes out in a new shirt he loves; I zero in on a loose thread and a possible stain.
My hair is too soft. (What?)
Why isn’t it hotter/colder?
Why are they always out of my favorite _________?
The garden looks okay, but why aren’t there more roses? There are usually more roses this time of year.
And on and on and on.

Yep, I do that.

Those are the days when I have to literally force myself to practice gratitude.

I do practice gratitude on a pretty regular basis. I write about it after all. I send a daily gratitude text to friends and I write a list, because I know I have a ton to be grateful for.

But…..some days. I have appreciation for nuthin‘.

So a month or so ago, I remembered an old exercise that I used to use, and I thought I’d start again, so that the next time I felt I was grappling with gratitude, I could stop and be reminded. Sometimes I just need a physical anchor to my practice, otherwise it gets too airy fairy and I won’t do it.

It’s simple and easy, and it works.

Here goes:
Get a stone or rock. Something you’ve collected or something from around your environment. It can even be a crystal or your Maya heart stone (wink).
The point is, it has to feel good in your hand.

Kept it next to your bed, and before you go to sleep, think back to the BEST thing that happened to you that day. Hold the stone while you replay how good that experience felt.
Wallow in it.

Then say Thank You to this thing for making your day.
Really say it all the way from your big toe.
Three times usually does it for me.

If things are going well in your life, you’ll know exactly which thing to dwell on. There may even be a few. (Lucky you).
But when you have to rack your brain……..Awww man, I feel ya, it sucks, but this is an important exercise to give you some impetus toward the turn around.

I know it’s hard when you’re not in a good place, so it can be stuff like:
The sweet relief of getting off work.
You got your period.
Realizing you had fifteen more minutes to sleep.
The cleaners was still open when you got there.
Your boss is on vacation.
There was an extra roll of toilet paper in the cabinet.
They got your lunch order right.
Your car started.
Your coffee was hot and how you like it. (Along with that, the barista actually wrote YOUR NAME not some bastardization of it on the cup.) I’ve been Hammit, Jammit, Jnae? , Jane T. , Jana, the list goes on. Some funny, some not so much.

You get the gist.

Feel the gratitude for the mundane things that DO go right.
Get your bearings.
Give up your quest for the flaws.
Search for the BEST thing.
Anchor how good that feels onto that stone.

The energy of gratitude feeds on itself. It will give you more and more things to be thankful for. It’s really crazy how magical it is.

But some days you’ll need the stone staring at you on the nightstand to remind you, and you’ll have a tinge of gratitude for me (wink, wink).

Then go to sleep knowing you’ll have a better tomorrow.

Sending love,
Xox