trouble

Thank you over-entitled, underappreciative, totally unaccountable assholes. Thank you for keeping it real.

Okaaaaaay…
So, here I am trying to wrangle me some assholes.
Like an idiot, I think I can change their minds about their assholishness. But come on, we all know they can’t hear me because they are not at a place to, awwwww fuck it… (their heads are too far up their asses!), there, I said it.

Thursday I was talking to my friend Heather (one of the sweetest, nicest people on the planet. Waaaaay nicer than me!), and we were commiserating (uh oh, slippery slope), about how it seems that lately all of the—we won’t call them bad guys, okay, so maybe they can be called the “shitty people”.
How it seems that all of the “shitty people” (assholes) seem to be coming out on top. Either with their particular brand of financial trickery or the fact that their hijinks (general jackassery), is trying to suck the good cheer out of the new year—and is keeping us up at night.

Now, if I’m up late at night and YOU are the reason, and I had serial-killer tendencies, they would be materializing right about then. I know it doesn’t seem like it but I can be quite diabolical when pushed. I’m spiritual but I’m not a saint, and when you’re shitty to me or mine, I Ommmmm it away as long as humanly possible—and then I start plotting all the ways to…well, you know, kill you, or at least, ruin your day.

What I really need to do is mind my own goddamn business.
Seriously.
Just back away from the asshole; smile and disengage.
Then take a nap. Or go to a movie.
I’ve been seeing an awful LOT of movies lately.

Remember this poem from last year? Yeah me neither.
Just kidding, actually it keeps repeating on an endless loop in my brain—right alongside all the murderous thoughts.
I think it would be smarter to let IT win.

Here is what I’ve prescribed for myself today:

“Mind your own business” she said, the voice in my head.

“Who the hell are you?” I replied.

“Mind your own business!”

“Mind your own business” she warned, “Don’t look over there,
it’s not your concern, why do you care?”

I see some disaster and I’m compelled to assist;
like a poor choice of lipstick—I can hardly resist.

“Mind your own business”, she harped, “Keep your thoughts to yourself.
That’s the best piece of advice, better than any book on a shelf.”

“Mind your own business” she sniped, “And here’s more advice:
keep your nose outta trouble.
Don’t make me ask twice.”

“Darling. I’m you.”

Some people are just shitty assholes—so drink some water, go to the movies, and mind your own business this weekend you guys!

Carry on
xox

Who out there is experiencing a high level of stress these days? Show of hands? Yeah, I thought so.

Well, you’re not alone. I had three—count ‘um—three Level-Five (Level Five being, there aren’t enough mantras, pharmaceuticals or fucks-to-give that can remedy this shitstorm)—stressful situations to handle before noon today.

That was AFTER I talked my husband down off the ledge.

So I feel you. I know what you’re going through, and I have one piece of advice. (Which I had to remind myself of every ten minutes).

Me: Mother of god, my mind is racing and it’s driving me nuts!

Better Part of Me: Stop and listen to it. That dialogue, diatribe, or sorry-ass monologue that the devil wrote and is repeating on an endless loop in your head right now? Ask yourself this:
Is it helping you—or hurting you?

Me: Shit. Thanks. I almost forgot.

Better Part of Me: Is it calling you names and telling you how much you fucked up?

Is it kicking you while you’re down?

Is it making shit up? Terrible; awful; life-or-death shit?

Is it making this problem seem like it’s the worst thing that’s happened in the history of the world; or since Donald Trump decided to run for President?

Then it’s NOT helping you and you need to tell it to “SHUT THE HELL UP!”

That voice is the voice of your childish, fear-filled mind. And it has NO IDEA what it’s talking about!

Would you take advice from a scared child? Yeah, I didn’t think so.

Take a walk.
Take a nap.
Take a drive.
Play some music.
Pet your cat.
Read a book.
Meditate.

Do anything you can to change the station. You will never find the solution inside the energy of the problem.

After a while the little brat will get tired; and then I’ll take out my earplugs and finally be able to get a word in edgewise.

That’s when the good ideas will come.

That’s when you find the missing piece to the puzzle.

That’s when you’ll be able to take a deep breath (I know this, and I still walked around blue, holding my breath for an hour).

That’s when you see the light.

That’s when you find forgiveness.

That is when you realize that you’re on a tiny blue planet, spinning in an insignificant part of the galaxy—and none of this shit really matters anyway.

Me: Whew! What a relief!

Carry on,
xox