spiritual

ADORE
a·dore
əˈdôr/
verb
1. love and respect (someone) deeply.
synonyms: love dearly, love, be devoted to, dote on, hold dear, cherish, treasure, prize, think the world of.

My life changed forever when, as a 40 something woman looking for a prospective mate, I had the audacity to declare ” I want to be adored”

I told all my friends, and as they nodded and smiled their faux-supportive smiles I could see in their eyes, “Yeah, good luck with that”.

This new realization had hit me as a supreme and long overdue “Ah Ha” moment
after yet another 4+ year relationship crashed and burned.

Following my divorce at 25, I had actually fallen in love more than once, and as the years marched on, so did the list of dates, lovers, and boyfriends.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining they were all great guys. Some were younger than me, others were my age; some were artistic and wildly creative; others cerebral, funny and loving. (Are you feeling sorry for me yet? Yeah, don’t. Not yet. Wait for it.)

They were all very different, not at all alike.
The only commonality they all shared was how they ended our relationship.
The words that I heard at the end were always the same:
“You’re amazing, I’m just not ready”.
You’re the best girlfriend I could imagine”.
“Some lucky guy is going to grab you. Just not me.”
” I should probably never leave you, I’m sure I’ll regret this”
But…

Then they all walked away.
Some of them ran. One took a jet.

When the last one left I was around forty years old. (Which everyone knows is  too old to be dumped by  boyfriend.)  I could see that I had to change my relationship recipe if I wanted love to last. There was an ingredient missing. One component with the shelf-life of warm chocolate cake. By the time I even got a whiff of it—it was gone. Which explains why it took me awhile to come up with the word. And when I did, it was audacious.
I wanted to be adored!
Cherished, respected, treasured, thought the world of, and dearly loved!

I knew guys were capable of it, I had seen it in their faces when I suggested throwing away a favorite old flannel shirt, or their college baseball jersey.
They would grab it away and hug it close, eyes filled with…adoration.
I wanted the next man’s face to reflect that look back…to ME!

It was no longer acceptable to me to be so easily disposable.
I realized I was more like the stuff in the box that goes to Goodwill.
Easily Forgettable.

Fuck that!
I wanted to be the flannel shirt!
Instead of jetting out of my life I wanted to hear, “Out of the question, she stays! I would rather lose a limb than be without her!”

It takes a special man to adore a woman.
He has to have overcome his own broken heart enough to recognize your awesomeness, been vaccinated against that fear of commitment bug  in order to let his guard down, and then YOU  have to be willing to do the same.

The payoff for that level of vulnerability will be the look in his eyes.

The reason I’m sharing this is that it is possible. For me it became essential.
And after that realization, the audaciousness paid off.  I found it, and you can too.

Everyone has the right to feel cherished and treasured and held dear!
You just have to have the audacity to ask for it.

Now, adoration is pretty heady stuff, so your next task it to make sure you are someone who is capable of accepting it. I know who you are so I’m not worried.

Seeking adoration doesn’t happen overnight, but you can start now.
Xox Janet

I love this!!!

So, if you’re like me, I’ve spent years waiting for certain things to happen, only to ring in another year, and alas…that thing I want is annoyingly absent.

Now we all understand at this stage of the game how the Universe works, right?

Sometimes I need a reminder, so here’s a very abbreviated refresher course:
1) You have a desire. It can be anything, from a new car, to bigger boobs, to improved health.
The Universe doesn’t judge, so you shouldn’t either, just sayin’.
2) The Universe complies. End of story.

So why all the suffering? Why don’t we all get what we think we want?
Here’s why…
3) Stay out of the way.
Shit!
That one gets me every time!

Here’s a reminder that I always repeat to myself when I want to pull my hair out:

I ask the Universe for something, they say “Yes”!
I ask the Universe for something, they say “Not right now”.
I ask the Universe for something, they say “No…I have something better for you”.

Damn! That sounds awesome and simple, and it is!
But simple doesn’t mean easy!

You know why?
Because we can’t keep our big noses out of the Universe’s business!
When it says “not right now” we scream, “why not”!
We have to keep opening the oven, so to speak, to see if it’s cooked, and you know what that does? It slows down the process! Or worse yet, it makes the soufflé drop.
It shows that we don’t really trust the Universe to get it done, and the Universe can’t stand a Doubting Thomas. Sorry, but it’s the truth.

There is a timetable we are not privy to, a point where all the stars align.
If you monitor it, and micro manage it, constantly checking the progress,
the miracles that need to occur to help it along will never happen!
They can’t when we’re watching.
It only happens when our heads are turned, or we fall asleep…kinda like the tooth fairy or Santa Claus.

Another thing we do…we confuse the energy by asking for one thing, but doing the exact opposite.
You can’t say you want your life to change, when you continue to do everything the same.
It just doesn’t work that way.
Do you know how confusing that is for the Universe? It’s like a computer.
If you put in a command and then continue to hit “Control, Alt, Delete”, you’re not going to get anything! You will be stalled, sitting in the traffic of your mixed signals.

I remember realizing that, when I decided I wanted to meet a man and get married. I knew I had to circulate in the world…better yet, I had to date! I couldn’t just sit in my pajamas on Saturday nights, or continue to have occasional sex with an ex, and I definitely couldn’t say to everyone that I was skeptical that true love really existed. The miracles couldn’t happen if I wasn’t willing to show up and be clear about wanting a husband!

When it says ” I have something better for you” we scream “how could you?!”
You know how? The Universe dreams bigger than we do.
So we have to be happy waiting for the big reveal,
where…we…stand.
It is just the platform where we launch ourselves toward our desired goal, then the Universe takes it from there!

Well, that’s impossible!
How can you be happy being sick, when wellness is nowhere in sight?
Or single, when the loneliness is palpable?
Or broke, when your unemployment runs out,
Or chubby, when you just broke another zipper?
Happy?! Really?
Yes.

Because the miracles can’t find you if you stay in the energy of the suffering.
They can only meet you if you can get to the corner of happiness and acceptance.

Just like driving a motorcycle or car.
If you fixate on an obstacle you WILL hit it!
You have to look in the direction you WANT to go. Counterintuitive but true.

That means getting out and dating, and actually having fun.
Or wearing the new blue dress that’s not a size 6, and knowing you look pretty.
It means splurging on a manicure, because it makes you feel good, and you know the money will come.
Or taking a shower and shaving for the first time since your last chemo, finally washing away the smell of hospital.

THEN, you can start to conjure the feelings of happiness and relief that the money, or love, or healing would bring.
Pretend if you have to, use your imagination!

Remember, simple, not easy.

And that goes for illness, bad relationships, jobs, weight, EVERYTHING!
Practice this, and you’re on your way to making room for all those miracles!
I’m right there with you.
XoxJanet

• I wrote this when I first started writing about a year and a half ago.
  I think it’s worth re-posting.
  Xox Janet

Wherever you are, I am there.
Mistake not, a baby’s cry, as a sign of my absence,
nor the prisoners face, clinging to the bars.
Weep not at the outstretched beggar’s hand,
or the wounded soldier’s sigh.
I am there.

Fear not.
For the evil that you witness,
in nature and in man,
does not convey my abandon.

For as sure as the spring follows the frost of winter,
and the sun chases the darkness of the night,
I am there.

In your most private moments, I sit beside you.
In your grief, on your shoulders I rest my hands.
I touch your head as you kneel in prayer,
as you walk in solitude, your hand I hold.

I am the witness of your life,
and when you take your last breath,
wherever you are,
I am there.

Barn’s burned down,
now I can see the moon.
~Masahide~

Oh I get it!
Don’t worry about the loss of that beautiful, useful, building you’re still paying for,
now you have a view…
Of the moon…on the nights when you’re outside sobbing over your lousy luck and the shit the insurance company’s putting you through.
You can take a second to raise your snot covered face to the sky,
“Oh never-mind, that is so beautiful…now I can see the moon”.

NOT!!

I wish to God Almighty I could always be that enlightened in the face of crisis and chaos!
For instance,

Car got totaled,
now I can get some exercise…
How practical.

Or how about,

Husband left me,
now I can catch up on my reading…
Ommmmm…perfectly Zen.

Don’t get me wrong.
I love the message behind these spiritual sayings, 
and they really do give me pause to do a reality check, 
but honestly!
Who lives like that?!
Maybe on a good day.
It would have to be my best day ever!

I take it as a suggestion of an ending place, a place to aspire to.
Because, if I live under the impression that that’s where I should be immediately, 
it makes me want to cry, or punch somebody!
It may take me awhile to get there, it could take years!

If the proverbial barn burns down, I’m gonna freak out.
I’m gonna get mad.
And sad.
And scared.
Because in the moment, that’s appropriate.

I’m going to use every profanity known to man, 
in every language I can think of.
I’m going to use them often, and loudly.
as verbs and nouns and adjectives.
They will start and end every sentence I speak.
Maybe NOT so appropriate, but amazingly cathartic.

Then, only after the dust has settled, and I’ve had a glass of wine and regained my composure…
THEN…I’ll appreciate the view.

XoxJanet

Which came first?
The thought or the illness?
It’s kind of that chicken and the egg question,
and it really can leave us in a quandary.

Can there still be any argument made as to whether there is a correlation between mind and body? 

“Whatever shall we do?”
We were just about to start that book, 
write that song,
Get to the gym every day,
start that photography assignment, 
commit to that healthy diet,
give that speech,
you get the picture,
and suddenly…the flu!

Or that painful frozen shoulder,
Or the terrible migraines,
Or you blow out your knee on a run,
Or your stomach hurts and no one can figure out why,
Or your back goes into spasms, leaving you walking around like Quasimodo.
Any number of illnesses or injuries occur that keep us from realizing the full potential of our lives.

Because, what I really believe, is that there are thoughts in our heads,
negative, belittling thoughts, that take our brains hostage.
Like the wolf in sheep’s clothing, they are in the disguise of stress, or worry, and we may not even be consciously aware of them, but they are up to no good as they do their dirty work.

Those negative thoughts hour after hour, day after day, chip away at our sense of worth and self esteem, spiraling our energy downward and leaving our immune systems wide open to illness and our bodies to injury.

My friend asked me the other day, “so I brought this injury upon myself”?
and I really believe that we do, without even knowing it.
But we must stop and pay attention to HOW WE FEEL.

When there is something that is eating away at our gut, 
or looming, or hanging over our heads, you know,
like a relationship, either personal or professional that has run
it’s course, or a deadline for an assignment, or a talk we have to give,
that energy is conducive to any form of injury or illness paying us a visit.

And what does that do? It keeps us from achieving our goals.
It gives us more time to stew in our own toxic juices.
So the worse we feel, the longer it will take to get to that thing we’re avoiding, and then we feel like a failure and it just feeds on itself.

I had the most frozen of shoulders when my store started to go downhill.
I could barely move my arm without screaming.
I couldn’t hang any art, or move anything heavy…which was everything.
I could see the writing on the wall, but I just couldn’t face it inside.
I felt like Atlas, with the weight of the world on my shoulders,
Ahhhhhh Haaaaa! pretty transparent now looking back!

I’ve also suffered debilitating anxiety attacks when I had huge decisions to make
in my life that would change its trajectory.
Like leaving my first marriage.
I was 25 and completely paralyzed with fear.
I didn’t trust the stirrings of my soul, so I froze up with anxiety.
Once I did make the decision and moved out, the anxiety moved on too!

My second bout of horrible anxiety came about twenty years ago,
when my soul stirred again, and it was urging me to do this work,
including the writing I’m doing now. But I didn’t have the courage to go public.
It all seemed too big, and I wasn’t ready.
So I suffered.
I was ignoring the call, that feeling in my gut.
I’d rather live a small, safe life of MY choosing,
than something bigger that the Universe has in store for me.

And that’s how it starts, we ignore what would make us happy,
and we stay small and settle for less.
And it makes us sick.
Doesn’t that make sense?

Try it on, if it doesn’t apply to you, 
Cheers! Carry on!
But if you think it might, change those thoughts, do what has to be done,
the energy will change, and you’ll be amazed at how fast your knee, shoulder, stomach, improves!

XoxJanet

“The only man who behaved sensibly was my tailor; he took my measurement anew every time he saw me, while all the rest went on with their old measurements and expected them to fit me.” 
– George Bernard Shaw

People change.
Especially these days.
I’m certainly not the same person I was a year ago,
and I would hardly recognize myself from five years past.

So it would be the sensible thing to do when greeting someone who you haven’t seen in awhile, to whip out your energetic tape measure, and get their 
new, more recent measurements, because I guarantee you, they’ve changed!

If you’re operating under the assumption that everything about that person has
remained the same…there will be plenty of misunderstandings.
Just as you would not want to be made to fit the same mold you held years or even months ago, the same is true for every person.

Be careful, pay attention, really!
Just as you’re about to make the jokes about the many benefits of single life, like you always do with your friend, the confirmed bachelor, he reveals he was married to the love of this life a month ago!

How about your friend the staunch Republican, with whom you get into many 
a lively debate on social and political issues, telling you she’s volunteering for 
Marianne Williamson’s Congressional campaign!
Well, that was unexpected.

Or that loud obnoxious guy at work who has become thoughtful and introspective.

There is definitely change in the air, big time!
Don’t bring me Sees chocolates anymore.
I know! I used to love them, but I find they just don’t do it for me anymore.
(Thank god)

Don’t measure me by that old yardstick you carry around,
because I won’t measure up, you may be disappointed.

I’m not as serious,
I’m much more understanding,
I like Kale,
I may choose a lemon dessert,
I stay away from wearing prints these days,
I go to the gym, I don’t hike as much,
I’m leaning toward letting my hair go grey/white (shocking! I know)
I might choose the mountains over the beach,
Yet…it’s still me in here.

Ever evolving, changing my mind, open to new things,
and if next year, you’re looking for me in a crowd,
I could be the white haired woman, sipping a green drink,
whose standing right next to you!

How have you changed?

XoxJanet

The stream of consciousness, of higher wisdom,
starts off like a trickle, but as it picks up momentum,
it turns into a powerful river, and that river can cut through solid rock.
And that’s a good thing,
because some of us are just that dense!

It is not an overnight process either.
Layers must be removed.
Just as the jagged edges of the rocks are worn smooth over time,
so are we, but patience is required.
The Grand Canyon did not happen overnight.

Sometimes this river of wisdom gets vary fast,
and rapids occur.
It can get quite bumpy, and uncomfortable, if we resist.
We can dig in our heals, but after much struggle and pain,
and losing our shoes, the river WILL win.
THAT I know for sure!

Sometimes, like that line out of the movie “Jaws”
“we need a bigger boat”!
Meaning, we need to expand our previous small, outdated
perceptions, and navigate this stream that’s become a river,
with new, more updated thinking.

If we let it, this river can help us move those mountains.
It’s course will vary, 
there will be twists and turns we didn’t see coming,
maybe even a waterfall or two.
That’s how the rough edges get smoothed.

And when we finally stop resisting,
it will be the most incredible ride,
filled with miracles and magic,
and more beauty than we ever imagined.

And it will carry us home.

“I see trees of green, red roses, too,
I see them bloom, for me and you
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world.”

Louis Armstrong – What A Wonderful World Lyrics | MetroLyrics 

I woke up with these lyrics repeating themselves in my head,
over, and over, and over again, until I finally yelled (in my head)
Ok! I get it! What a wonderful world!
but…I was able to say that without a tinge of sarcasm,
because lately it has felt like a wonderful world, 
oddly enough…

Remember, I parted ways with my job on Christmas Eve, 
it SHOULD feel like a sucky world, but it doesn’t.

Believe me, it has been in the past!
3-4 years ago, if I’d woken up with those lyrics in my head I would have 
considered it a cruel joke perpetrated by the sandman,
and promptly thrown up!

In those dark days, and many others, this could have been the verse that would repeat itself upon awakening, a verse that could have defined my life:

“A presence dark invades the fair, 
and gives the horses ample scare, 
for chaos reigns and panic numbs, 
when something wicked this way comes.”
~Ray Bradbury

I was numb, the days felt chaotic, and life felt…wicked.
I know you’ve all been there.
The sky seems dark and low, and you’re not certain 
if you’ll ever see the world in color again.

Seems this time I’m not going down that rabbit hole!
Hallelujah!
The only difference is my state of mind, and my perception.

The trees of green and skies of blue weren’t hidden, 
they were imperceptible to me.
It’s like when you take off in an airplane during a rainstorm,
once you climb above the clouds…blue skies, and sunshine!
They were always there, they were just obstructed by the clouds.

The point here is this:
It’s always the same world, 
the birds are singing, the sky’s are blue,
the leaves are green and all is well.
Some days it just feels wicked,
Some days wonderful,
How does it feel today?

XoxJanet

The Power of One

It’s an ancient secret.
A miracle kept under wraps,
for if anyone truly believes it,
they can literally move mountains,
they can change their map.

It starts with an idea,
one simple grain of truth,
that if it attaches itself to you,
and walks with you day and night,
it BECOMES you.

But you cannot dispel it,
or curse it’s inconvenience,
lest it finds another host,
whose arms are open wide,
ready for the call.

They will not get YOUR power,
Not exactly, it’s not the same,
Every person has their talents,
but not everyone’s in the game.

So do not waste time worrying,
for the Power will call again,
because what’s yours is always yours, my friend,
on THAT you can depend.

What will be your power?
will you write or paint or sing?
THOSE are the powers that move mountains, my Darling,
more than the armies of Kings.

If you all knew my lovelies,
Of the powers you possess,
You’d be so busy working magic,
You’d take little time to rest.

Don’t believe it takes a village,
a whole nation starts with one,
The power of one person,
the power to become,
All that God has wished for you,
and written with your hands,
It takes faith, perseverance and fortitude,
to change where a mountain stands.