spiritual

Devour Life

Devour Life

I will devour this thing called life
In giant sloppy bites!
Because to nibble around the edges would be a crime.

I will take in every taste, feel and smell,
As it is offered to me, with mouth and hands and senses wide open,
Leaving no morsel of living left behind.

If you say you want to live a measured life,
Don’t come sit by me,
For the laughing will be as loud as the tears where I sit.
Things will appear messy and uncensored, and way too big at times.

But if you want to run through tall grass with bare feet,
If you want to stand on the beach with your face in the wind,
If you think you can handle both joy and despair,
Then take my hand.
For this is one wild and crazy ride,
Take all the chances, make every mistake,
Because you only get to be “you” once,
And you will not come out of it alive!

More Beauty After The Break

More Beauty After The Break

I Love this!

Rock, Paper, Scissors – A Personality Test

Rock Paper Scissors

Rock, Paper, Scissors. 

A game invented by the caveman for their amusement, in order to distract you long enough to forget what you were arguing about.
This handy, dandy trio is has been used since then to resolve conflict for the decision impaired among us.

But for me, this has become an insightful, personality revealing exercise.

I’ve discovered, through years of extensive research and observation, that we all know someone who always picks rock.
And doesn’t their behavior resemble that of a rock?
The good qualities: solid, immovable, and grounded.
The not so good qualities: solid, immovable and stubborn, with their hand in a fist.
They are rock.
They pick it every time.
Your scissors can’t cut it.
In theory, paper wins over rock.
Paper can wrap around it, but rock will argue that it can go through paper or sit on top of it, causing paper to rethink its strategy.
That is just so rock.

The people who pick paper are the writers, litagators and diplomats among us.

You can rest assured their paper is covered with notes, talking points for their long winded arguments.

They are also the embracers among us.

They think any conflict can be solved with a hug.
They are also crazy strong and amazingly fragile.
Just know that once they are cut or torn, no amount of scotch tape can fix them.
I fall into this category for every reason listed, but mostly because I’ve hugged my way out of some really contentious battles.

Ask my sister.

When she and I lived together with a roommate, (back in the day when we all had Flock of Seagulls hair, and wore our underwear on the outside of our clothes) said roommate had a total meltdown, complete with the ugly cry face and actual screaming. She lost her shit so completely, I could only think of one way to make it stop…I hugged her. I became a human straightjacket. The look on my sister’s face still makes me laugh, I’m LoL-ing right now!
Paper people are vulnerable to the scissor…and fire.
I have a friend who added standing, waving fingers as “fire” into the game many years ago. He’s a character for another day… and a cheater!

The folks that pick /scissor/ can be sharp.
By that I mean smart and funny, and they always have a fabulous haircut…hmmmm.
They are unique, super creative and crafty;  the Edward Scissorhands among us.

They can also cut you with one word or a look.
They don’t even need their /scissors/.
One stern, guilt inducing glance can crumple paper into tears, and even intimidate rock.
/Scissor/  people can be back stabbers, so beware.
I’m not kidding. My study is very precise and has been done through the years with tens of people!

I think every first date, job interview, and assembly at the UN, should start with a game of rock, paper, scissor, just so you get an idea of who you’re dealing with.

Next time you play, pay attention. What’s your “go to” symbol?
*And if someone pulls out waving fingers and yells fire melts rock, paper and scissors! that’s my friend,  he’s a rascal and a sore loser…good luck with that…and tell him I said Hey!

Xox

We Have An Agreement Part I

We Have An Agreement Part I

*I wrote this a while ago, waiting for the time to post it. The memories should start to be getting fuzzy after twenty years, but on the contrary, they are crystal clear. Still, I’m glad to be finally writing them down.
I decided to post this, because yesterday Dr. Lisa Rankin (whose work I love) wrote about her recent spiritual awakening on her Facebook page. She is still processing it, and had the courage to share it, feeling that there are more of us out here that can help each other. Everyone’s awakening looks different. This is mine.
If you want to hear the rest, let me know.
XoxJ

We Have An Agreement Part I

Almost exactly 20 years ago, I went a little crazy.
Even more than I already am.
Well, not actually, but you could have fooled me.
A wise friend smiled and told me I was insane = in sanity.
What?
If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck….just sayin’

It all started with meditation.
This is not a cautionary tale, it is a historical account.
Don’t get your panties in a bunch!
I’m not saying meditation drives everyone crazy, it just felt that way to ME.
(Legal disclaimer…I think) 

I had always sucked at meditation. Yet, I studied it for years.
I even had a Meditation Master who gave me a mantra when I was about 19.
I just couldn’t calm my monkey mind.
I would ponder what I was going to have for dinner, or what song that was that I could hear faintly playing in the distance, or why my nose was constantly itching, and my leg was falling asleep.

Time. stood. still.

Shit! An hour and a half seemed more like two weeks!

I could never reach that place of inner peace and transcendence that I had heard and read so much about. It was like the donkey and the carrot, always just out of reach.

But man I gave it my all…for many years.
I decided to stop for a while, worn out by the struggle.

Then there I was 35, when I suddenly got the urge to start again. I was able to ignore it for a while, but it kinda turned into marching orders and I was compelled to oblige.
THAT should have been a preview of coming events.

So every night at 9 p.m. I sat down to meditate. And what transpired was not at all what I expected and pretty mystical.
Now bear in mind I lived alone, thank God.

Not only was I able to calm the monkey mind, I started to leave my body and “observe” it from above.
Sometimes, I could see myself all fallen over into my own lap, (which is frowned upon in meditation class, it’s all about the straight spine.)

Other times I was siting and spontaneously rotating counter-clockwise from the waist up in a slow circular motion.

Twice I did this hysterical laughing, that took turns with hysterical sobbing…which I “observed” from above.

I kid you not.

Often I smelled incense, when I wasn’t burning any…or roses.
My lips, face and hands would tingle and vibrate.
Not only that, 45 minutes would go by like that (snap)

Just disappear.

Where had THAT been hiding years ago? I coulda been a superstar in class.

After about three months, I started to notice that all the clocks in my house, wind up, digital, even the clock on the VCR ( which I had set on the correct time, thank you very much, it’s called reading the directions, people.) it didn’t matter, even my quartz watch, they were all off by 45 minutes.
They were 45 minutes BEHIND my starting time after I came out of meditation!
Now keep in mind this was the early 90’s when people still looked to clocks and not their phones to tell time.

Anyway, that made me late for everything AND it freaked me out.

This was the dark ages, before cell phones and Facebook and most importantly,Google.

I couldn’t look any of this phenomena up, and I didn’t have the foggiest idea what was happening to me.
Spiritual and mystical topics were not on TV or a part of popular culture like they are now.
There was the Bodhi Tree bookstore here in LA, a kind of spiritual Mecca, where I held everyone in high regard,(don’t ask me why) so I went and whispered to some guy who smelled like patchouli, what was happening, and he just shook his head and handed me a small crystal for protection.

Some protection.
The following night as I start to meditate, (now, aren’t you thinking to yourself, why is she still doing that?…I am!) I heard this deep booming voice say “We have an agreement
Well… My eyes flew open, I jumped up, protective crystal flying under the bed, and I started to run around the room.

Seriously…like a chicken.

Then I hear it again, this time in my living room “We have an agreement”
Uh oh, I’m gonna pee my pants AND what can of worms have I unwittingly opened?

Now I’m getting scared.
Okay, intrigued and scared. I needed some answers.

Note to self: stop meditating.

But I can’t, I’m compelled to continue…until things start to really get weird.
(to be continued)

Xox

Follow The Big Dog

Follow The Big Dog

The last few days I’ve witnessed something really interesting with the Boxer-shark puppy, that feels like a metaphor for life. 
I have to preface that by saying that my powers of observation have become incredibly keen. I’m not kidding…maybe just exaggerating….Bear with me here.

The human body is a miracle in regards to perpetuating our survival. It replaces the senses that have shut down due to lack of respect, with others that are freakishly heightened. 

I have no business out driving the streets, running errands, aka living my life, with the puppy screaming in her crate in the back, but somehow I am. My guardian angel will be getting her hearing checked and going into seclusion after this, leaving no forwarding address.

I have no sense of humor, can’t remember where anything is and could cry at the drop of a hat, but damnit if I can’t smell puppy poop that’s two days old, under the couch, in a room that’s had the door shut the whole time. WTH?

I can hear the tiniest whimper in a dead sleep at 3am. 
My husband, he can sleep through her wailing as if her foot is caught in a bear trap! How does he DO that?
Sleep deprivation has left me bleary minded and craving carbs…for survival, people!
Really?…I can hear you!

Anyway… We have a 6 inch step from the bedroom up into the bathroom.
If the Boxer-shark stands in front of it, she is the same height.
She struggles with the step.
Especially going down.
It’s from stone to a hard wood floor and she’s been launched, catapulted, flung and just plain rolled off of it this past week, many, many times, so I get the trepidation.
But she’s only cautious when she’s just sniffing and exploring and silently looking for havoc to wreak.

When the other dog is home and they’re running and growling and fighting/playing (I’m using the word playing when I really mean taunting.) She FLYS off that step with the grace and ease of one of the gymnasts from Cirque du Soleil. She doesn’t even look down, she’s a freakin’ professional, (she’s clearly gifted) Not a second’s hesitation!

If she STEPS off after much careful deliberation, when she’s alone, one paw timidly feeling for the floor, she inevitably falls, and then rolls…so it looks like she meant to do that.

Don’t we all do that? I do!
If I over think an obstacle, I can make it so scary that I inevitably falter.
Better to do a quick evaluation and sail right over it! Run then jump!
…Or follow the big dog.
I’m still deciding which metaphor I like better.

“She took a leap, and built her wings on the way down.” 
– Anon

Another week and the step will be a non-issue, she will have outgrown her fear.

What’s your bathroom step fear, and are YOU ready to follow the big dog and outgrow it?

XoxJanet

Dear Money

Dear Money

Dear Money,
I know our relationship has felt strained these last few years,
but we’ve always been so close and…..I miss you.

My darling Money…I think we should reconcile.
I know it looks like my life’s been all topsy turvy for a while now, and I seem like a bad risk, but I can assure you, I’ve worked really hard on myself and I’ve grown so much.
I feel like I can meet you half way. 

You must admit, you’ve been very elusive, really playing hard to get.
You barely even show your face, and when you do, I turn around and you’re gone.
That hurts, because I can still remember all the good times we had.
All that crazy spontaneous traveling we did together, remember Italy, with the shopping, and long lunches? 
You were always so there for me. I want to make more of those memories!

We even bought a house together for cryin’ out loud!
I think I showed my commitment to the long haul, what about you?

Sure, I made a few mistakes, but who hasn’t!
We had “it” once and I think we can have “it” again.
That kind of friendship doesn’t just disappear.

My choices may have seemed questionable, but now, if you could just stick around for a while, you’d see how they’re all working out for me.

You’ve said in the past that I’m overly sensitive, but you’re the one who’s stayed away for so long…and without even a goodbye.

I’m willing to forgive, forget and move on…together, hand in hand…like the old days.
Take a few days to think about it…I know how you are about change.

XoxJanet

This Channel is Currently Unavailable

This Channel is Currently Unavailable

Have you been noticing lately, like I have, that the happy place you go to in meditation has picked up its tent and moved, without leaving a forwarding address?

It feels just like when you get all cozy to sit down and watch your favorite show on cable, and the screen says: This channel is currently unavailable.
Damn you Time Warner!

Five days later you finally receive the notice that the cable company is changing the channel line up. Shouldn’t that be sent out BEFORE they rock your world?
When you examine the postmark, the date is like ten days previous!
WTF? Did they mail it from Antartica?
NASA can get mail to the International Space Station faster!
Suddenly, I’m not certain who to be madder at, the postal service, or cable??!!

Okay, so it’s like that.
The station we normally tune into has been changed, and it doesn’t feel right.
The connection is weak, we can’t land into it, so to speak.

Until we get the notice from the Universe, as to where they moved their tent,
I’m just sitting and trying to feel my way there.
“A little to the right, no, no, to the left now….that’s better!”
Like having your little brother adjust the rabbit ear antenna on the TV when you were kids, to get better reception.

The Universe has done this before, so I know it WILL become clear again.
It will be better, with more features after this latest update, but now it’s kinda offline.
It just irritates me when it changes without warning.
I’m intuitive and I didn’t even get the memo!

It feels to me like the end of these changes…giving us time to assimilate.
At least for a few months.
Until we get all cozy again.
Then: This channel is currently unavailable.
What?! Come on!!

Xox Janet

This Sunday Morning’s Prescription

This Sunday Morning's Prescription

Can I get an amen?

Heart Notes

Heart Notes

What sound does your heart make when you enter a room?
Is it pinched tight like a bud, or ready to bloom?

Is it a singular sound, high pitched and shrill,
that transmits stress against your will?

Is it a layered tapestry of sound,
where an abundance of different notes abound?

Is it buried too deep and low to hear?
Beneath the surface of a hard veneer?

We enter a room to find a match,
A heart to which we may attach.

So pay close attention to your heart’s broadcast,
If the notes feel old, you’ll repeat the past.

The song of your heart will synchronize,
To the beat of another’s,
Don’t compromise.

Pay attention, be diligent, delightful and wise,
Listen to the hearts of others,
You will be surprised.

Scrambled Days

Scrambled Days

What the hell!? I’ve gone and committed another act of treason on my sane and reasonable life. Seems that’s just the way I roll these days!
We picked up our 8 week old Boxer puppy on Sunday, and I haven’t slept more than an hour at a time since. What was I thinking?!?!

This blog is about to get very raw and real for the next few days, because my self editing faculties left me somewhere around Tuesday at 3am, and I have helicopter hair, meaning it looks like it was styled by a helicopter at full throttle up.

Good thing you don’t have SmellPad.
I think I showered this week…all I remember is our senior dog literally walking into the running shower with me to escape the madness. 
Desperate times, require desperate measures!

Puppy madness is different than your garden variety madness. It comes in the form of a small furry demon, with tiny needle teeth and nails that can slice a tomatoe. It leave your hands bloody stumps, your neck look like Freddy Kruger gave you a massage, and all the while your heart is breaking from cuteness overload.
Yet, it’s hard to believe, that madness has left my life in a shambles.

It’s all I can do to write a blog post, but I treat this commitment like a job I actually love.
That being said, I have fallen asleep at this table, twice.
My feet are now torn to shreds, I’ve drunk more coffee than an Italian model consumes in a month, and I have written more about sex and chocolate than one woman has any right to.
I’m finding out that’s just where my mind goes when the going gets tough. 
Good to know…not really.
Delete….delete…delete.

It’s been a seasonal 80 degrees this January here in LA. 
That’s seasonal if you live south of the equator, which makes it all the more horrifying that I’ve taken to wearing Uggs, a thick scarf and gardening gloves for protection from the boxer-shark.
I can hear you haters on the East coast…wanna trade lives?

All this to pose a question: Why do we have babies, raise puppies, get bad break-up haircuts?? Why do we f**k up our lives like that? I’ll tell you why!
Because we forget the pain AND they grow and change faster than you can say “Shit, I’ll never do THAT again”!
The Universe, in all it’s wisdom, or as a cruel joke, I haven’t decided yet, gives us amnesia to perpetuate the species and keep us from sending the piranha-puppy packing. Say that fast three times!
Plus they’re just so damn cute!

So I guess after the whisk of sleepless nights stops scrambling my days and everything settles, I’ll actually miss these times. 
But if you see me on the street in a few years and I talk about wanting another puppy…run me over with your car!
You have my permission!
XoxJanet

Hi, I’m Janet

Mentor. Pirate. Dropper of F-bombs.

This is where I write about my version of life. My stories. Told in my own words.

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