COM.PRO.MISE
ˈkämprəˌmīz/
noun
1) Settle a dispute by mutual concession. (In my opinion this is ABSOLUTELY the cornerstone of a happy relationship. Pick your battles, people)
synonyms: meet each other halfway, come to an understanding, make a deal, make concessions, find a happy medium, strike a balance; give and take.
“we compromised” (yes, yes, yes, yes and yes!)
(And my personal favorite, agree to disagree, Relax! we’re not attached at the hip)
2) Accept standards that are lower than is desired.
(What? No! ABSOLUTELY NOT That is NOT what it means to compromise. No wonder people are still single. Jeez)
My sweet darling, husband and I are celebrating our thirteenth wedding anniversary today.
We met and fell in love late in life. I was 42. He was 47.
He is a wonderful man, but he is curmudgeon.
He has a giant heart, surrounded by a hard, opinionated, veneer …wrapped in bacon.
When a friend asked me today what the difference was between people who marry late and the people who never marry at all…I said:compromise.
Don’t get all pissed off, sit down and hear me out.
I think the people who wait and wait and then never find the “right person”, believe that the second definition is true.
I did for a while. I thought compromise meant I had to lower my standards.
“No way! I will not! I want what I want, and I will not rest until I have dated every guy in LA (it just felt like it) to find the man of my dreams. He must be perfect in EVERY way.”
Good luck with that Janet.
And like the amazingly flexible person that I was; I wanted my life to stay exactly the same…except exponentially better.
More love, more travel, more money, definitely more sex, more friends, more, more, more, more, blah, blah, blah, blah.
I was willing to give up…nothing.
“GIVE UP something to be with a man? Nope, if that’s the case, then he’s just not the right guy for me.”
My husband is a contractor, and he espouses his Triangle Theory and assures all his clients that THIS is the way things work in the world. It goes like this:
Money + Time + Quality
When building something, you can only have two out of the three.
Quality is not cheap.
Fast is not cheap.
Quality takes time and costs money.
Cutting corners either in cost or time spent, sacrifices quality.
It is impossible to get all three.
Along the way I slowly and clumsily learned this lesson.
Compromise became my co-pilot.
Was everything on my list REALLY non-negotiable?
Here’s my triangle from back in the day.
Gorgeous, and artsy = unemployed.
Rich and smart = hooker fucker
Rat faced but kind = the guy you date in between rich and smart; gorgeous and artsy.
You just can’t get the Prince Charming trifecta.
You can get damn close, and that’s okay.
It’s NOT settling. It’s being a grown up and realistic.
Just like I’m realistic, acknowledging that I’m no prize.
I’m only two out of three, and that’s okay (can you guess which?)
Is it a compromise if your two out of three match your beloveds?
I think not.
Carry on, know that there is someone out there for you.
Do you want to be right…or happy?
Stop looking for perfect.
It’s highly over rated.
And expensive.
Love, love,
Xox
