self improvement

Do you dig your feet in deep, with your hands in fists and 
Your eyes slammed shut tight?
What would you sacrifice to be “right”?
Friends,
Family,
A romantic relationship?

Most people would rather be “right” than be happy.

And how is that working for you?

It seems you will fight to the death, just to prove your point.
Even though you stand little chance of changing another’s mind.
But by golly, you stood your ground, and anyway, they were just…”wrong”!

Can you be dissuaded? Cajoled? or persuaded to see anyone else’s
perspective? 
Or do you immediately judge it as right or wrong,
Get on your soapbox and argue your case?

How did you come to all these lofty opinions anyway?
Did you study for years?
Tons of research, 
With an open mind,
weighing all the facts?
REALLY??

We would guess it was more out of fear and self preservation.
You found something along the way and you’ve held on to it for dear life…
Because it works, 
or it used to work, and your just too scared,
Too stubborn to change.

There, we said it,
stubborn starts off scared.
Fear keeps you thinking you’re right, and everyone else is tragically misguided.
That and a little ego mixed together, form a cocktail guaranteed to 
Keep everyone at arms length.

The payoff for being stubborn is that nothing changes,
everything stays the same.
Now, if you’re happy and satisfied with were you stand,
by all means, hold your ground!
But, if you’re in the market for some life expansion, 
some fun, and adventure, 
Open your eyes,
Unclench your fists,
Loosen the hold on your feet,
And listen the next time your presented with another point of view,
with an open heart AND an open mind!

Last night after eating way too much sushi, I broke open
my fortune cookie to this:

“Special touches have been planned with you in mind”

And it really resonated, and I’ll tell you why.
Since I’ve gotten back from our trip, things feel different,
I feel different.
I’m not sure if it’s the feeling of fall in the air,
the cooler nights, the earlier darkness, or the thought
of Halloween candy just around the corner.

I’m just sure something’s up.

The air feels ripe with possibilities,
There’s a flow and ease,
And it’s about time!

I’m having more fun.
Staying out later, laughing more often.
It seems as if I’ve seen all my friends since I’ve been back!
And with the exception of a couple…I have!
and THAT right there is crazy!
What usually is a feat of unbelievable timing and logistics,
Has been easy!
A phone call, and Viola! Friends at Dinner!
Friends for Lunch, friends meeting for coffee. 
So easy!

I like how the cookie says ” planned with you in mind”.
Like the universe has been giving this some thought, 
Taking notes, making phone calls, and really listening.

And “special touches” feels so personal, 
Like a cosmic concierge, who knows all my preferences 
and is making sure every detail is just right.
Yeah, that’s it!
I feel there is a special “attention to detail” that’s been missing.

Things are feeling ” just right”, and even when they aren’t
It hasn’t been bothering me, because it seems like if I just 
keep living, and laughing, and loving, it works itself out.

I really like this feeling of expectation, anticipation, and possibility!
So, I’ve got my list for the cosmic concierge of the special touches 
that I’d like to see today.
I know it’s early, but I want him to have plenty
of planning time 😉

Xox Janet

The Equinox and full moon have brought in some big energies, and with them a feeling of expectation.
You know how when you see a flash of lightening you expect the thunder to follow?
Right now you are in the state of listening for thunder.

You’re seeing things differently,a little brighter, a little clearer.
The light right now seems very white, and the colors more vivid.
And underneath each moment is that feeling of expectation.
Listening for the thunder.

You’re never afraid of the thunder, you just want to know how close 
the lightening was, and which direction the storm is moving.
Will it start out low and rumbling, or a loud clap, right over head?

The feeling of expectation is what you’re feeling now and you like it.
You just can’t put your finger on what’s changed,
You? Or everything around you?

Both

Don’t mislabel this feeling and call it anxiety,
Or fear,
Or worry,
Or stress.
It has an aspect to it that does make your hear beat a little faster,
So let’s call that excitement.

As you live now, listening for the thunder,
With your heart beating faster,
In this energy of expectation,
Expect the best.
Seriously, it’s that kind of energy.
It’s re ordering your life.

Sit inside this expectation confident that 
The storm has past, everything feels fresh and new,
And as you listen for the thunder, 
Remember it can’t hurt you.

You know how you all feel autonomous?
Like an island in a sea of vast isolation?
Adrift, alone, looking for that sign of sameness, that feeling of familiarity?
Well, I’ve got news for you.
You, all of humanity, are connected.

You are more like fingers on a hand.
Thinking and acting separately,
when in fact you are part of the whole hand.

The thumb and forefinger, judge the others as useless and lazy.
It’s a fact they do the largest percentage of all the work!
That pinky, what’s he good for?
The ring finger is just a hopeless romantic, waiting for that ring.

When the truth is more like this.
When you hurt one finger, you hurt the whole hand.
Try picking something up with a cut on your thumb!

The fingers are useless without the hand, and vice versa.
The fingers have grown out of, but serve, the hand.

Source cannot grow and expand without you!
And you are inanimate without source energy.

So quit thinking you’re so great all alone!
Because you’re not alone.

Look around.
You are all connected, like fingers on a giant hand.
Reaching, hoping, making your lives and the world better.
You are nothing without each other.
You are just a lonely castaway, lost at sea.

Have you noticed the big energy that accompanied this full moon?
And emotions that have been unearthed?

There may have been lots of tears, 
Or the feeling of separation, of walking two feet behind yourself.

Some of you have felt a quiet desperation, like nothing matters,
And you’re just going thru the motions, feeling empty inside.

Fatigue has creeped into the cracks of everything you do right now.
Lack of enthusiasm is pervasive.
When you go to bed you can’t stay asleep, but in the morning
It’s impossible to get up!

What on earth is going on?
Where’s my joy?
I’m feeling lonely, and so tired.

But you’re all familiar with this cycle.
You’re all becoming experts at navigating these energy waves
As they come in and rearrange your molecules.
You KNOW that “this too shall pass”
And that now is one of those times to just get quiet and breathe.

No longer do you think this is a permanent state of mind,
But you have the KNOWING that just on the other side of 
these feelings, there is peace.

Just on the other side of despair is your joy.
You’ve been here before,
You’ve walked thru the Valley of Darkness and come
Out the other side to laugh again.

You won’t drown.
On the contrary, you will soar!

The releasing of heavy emotional baggage that happens 
When these big waves come in,
Make you buoyant.
It makes you lighter, and brighter, washes you clean.
Remember?

This is a time of renewal,
But that happens from going inside and digging deep,
From churning up the soil and turning over every rock.
And sometimes it isn’t pretty!

If you want to sleep…sleep!
If you feel like crying…cry!
Write your feeling down,
Get them out
And then rest.
You’re going to need your strength, because things are about to get 
REALLY good!!

Realization number three in my ongoing unraveling brought on by this 5000 miles in 17 days motorcycle trip!

Really!? MORE?

Yep, it has become the gift that keeps on giving.

It feels like shit at times, but it really is a gift.

Some of you have heard the story of our close call on the plains of Montana and some of you have not.
For those that have…go make yourself a sandwich while I re-tell it.

So…plains of Montana, trying to out run a giant storm that is quickly bearing down on us.
Two squalls of rain ahead, with a space in-between.
My husband yells back at me over the rumbling thunder, “We’re gonna thread the needle”, meaning, try to make it between the squalls.
We are traveling on a two lane highway at 85 mph.

Now I digress, for those of you from the mid west, you are familiar with these storms.
They are an anomaly to me.

I’m from SoCal, when it drizzles there, we go on “Storm Watch”.

There’s immediate and unbelievably loud thunder that accompanies the lightning – ground lightening (what the hell?)

Then there’s rain. heavy, heavy, rain. Giant wet drops the size of quarters.
One minute it’s dry, the next it’s like someone turned a fire hose on us.

Seriously.

And hail.
Machines that rely on the centrifugal force of two six-inch wide spinning rubber discs, don’t play well with hail. Things get real squirrely. It’s like someone upstairs has thrown slippery, wet, marbles on the road in front of you and is having a laugh while you try to stay upright.

As luck would have it, the eye of the needle closes, and the squall moves over us.
Rain so heavy, I can’t see out my visor…at all…even when my hand becomes a windshield wiper.
All I CAN see are the blurry headlights of the cars in the opposite lane.

I digress once again.
Let me explain something here.
My husband is a giant guy.
6’3″. 230 lbs
My seat is a bit higher than his, so I mostly look over his right shoulder.
He does buffer most of the weather and wind, but he also obscures my view of what is directly ahead of us.

Let me also say he is an AMAZING rider.
Over 40 years of riding, he teaches off-road riding with 600 pounds of bike and gear, rides all over the world with me on the back.
Has followed the DAKAR in So America twice, and rode thru
South Africa and the Namibian desert just this year.
He’s not a poser, that weekend rider on a Harley.
He is a certified bad ass.

It is his passion, he is very skilled, and I trust him. 

Okay, back to Montana.
Rain, wind, and as I am straining to see anything.
What I do notice are headlights…in our lane.
A car is passing in the on coming lane, at over 60 m.p.h in a torrential rainstorm.
I tap hubby’s shoulder and point. Are you seeing that?

He nods slowly, staring straight ahead, no break in concentration.

Thank God!
Because what comes next is where I lose my shit.

After that car completes his pass, right behind him, also passing and in our lane, is a pickup truck with a trailer.
There is not enough time or space now for him to pass safely.
He is in our lane, coming at us at 60 m.p.h. – in the rain!

Total loss of control

I’ve never thought I was about to die before.
This is where the screaming came in.
This is where ten thousand bazillion thoughts go through your mind in one second, and the entire scene goes into slow motion.
And this is where another realization came and tapped me on the shoulder.
“NOT NOW! CAN’T YOU SEE IM BUSY!”

I’m standing straight up on the pegs now, which you don’t do, because it destabilizes the whole arrangement we’ve all made, me, my husband, the weather and the bike, and all bets are off.
I’m screaming hysterically,my slasher movie scream, knowing I’m about to become a splat on the windshield of some jerks truck – in the middle of Montana.

I have NO idea how to get out of this!
But my husband does.
I can’t see an escape route, a way out.
He can.
I can’t contain my hysteria, because I’m totally and completely NOT in control

Of-My-Fate.

I’ m going to jump off on the right into a culvert and barbed wire, to try save myself.

It actually seems at the time like a better bet.

My husband, from years of experience, training, skill and guts,
remains completely calm.
Steady and still.

I can’t see from the rain, the speed, and the incredible turbulence as my husband goes around the truck and trailer on the right, on a sliver of asphalt that remains.

I continue screaming as I position myself to jump.
The right side of my body in motion, the left side decides to stay.
We slip beside him with less than two feet to spare.
The turbulence knocks our left hand mirror down, and buffets us for what seems like forever.

Total loss of control

The realization I’ve had is this:
In life, when we don’t have clarity,
Sometimes we’re barreling towards uncertainty,
When we don’t have the facts,
When we can’t see our way clear,
We panic and make decisions based in fear.

We can swerve or slam on the brakes on a slippery surface.

Most likely, to our detriment.

If we surrender to the part of us that does know,
That does have the wisdom, the skill and the steadiness to bring us thru the storm, we may give up control, which is terrifying, but it enables us to come out unscathed on the other side.

*side note
My body is still jacked up, because in every way except the physical
I DID jump off that bike.
The left side which stayed, is in so much pain,
The right side is fine.

I have yet to integrate the two.

Xox

You have embarked on a sort of 
spiritual scavenger hunt.
That is the fun way you can look at it!

You came here with a list of attributes,
experiences and “Ah ha’s” ,
each of which came with different people you had to meet,
and places you had to be at along the way.

You have a limited amount of time (your lifetime)
You have the desire 
and you have the list in your head.
You really do!
It is actually encoded in your soul,
but you can remember it if you are quiet
and listen.

Sometimes you will just know you are on the right
track to an item on your list.
You can FEEL it!
Everything lines up perfectly, 
you are in the right place at the right time,
the right people show up, as if by magic,
and you get those butterflies of excitement 
in your stomach as an affirmation.

Just like in any scavenger hunt,
you ask for help, directions, and clues
along the way.
You would never take your list and try to go it alone!
You would never ignore the clues and disregard 
the directions!

It’s supposed to be a challenge, 
finding all these clues and having all these experiences.
But it is a game,
and it can be so much fun… if you let it.

Lighten up about it!
Treat it like that child’s game,
that scavenger hunt, filled with intrigue
and excitement and a sense of wonder.

What “Ah Ha ” lies ahead of you today?
Who will cross your path that has a clue?
Will you engage? or will you try to go it alone?

Take their hand and run like children
toward the next surprise!
This game is always better played with friends!