self improvement

Well! That’s a relief!
This may be my favorite sentence of all time!
I may have to embroider this on a pillow,
Or have a T-shirt made!
Because for me right now… it’s all about trust.

I can definitely be someone who feels I have to chase my dreams.
I have to make things happen, because if I don’t, the opportunity
may not present itself again!
You snooze, you loose!

EXHAUSTING!

So I loved, loved, loved, this writing from the Kabbalah Centre
yesterday.
It talks about the crazy line up of the planets right now, and how that can make us feel, and also the way that energy can nudge us in the right direction.
Lots of food for thought, and just what I needed for the New Year, besides all the cookies and pie!

So instead of resolutions, let’s set intentions today and tomorrow
to take us into this new energy of 2014.

The first on my list:
TRUST
The Universe is benevolent, it has my back, it is here to help me,
things are always working out for me,
so all I have to do is be still…and listen.
Because…What is mine, will always be mine, no matter what.

What’s on your list?

Here’s an excerpt of the astrology reading, with the link at the bottom.
Happy New Year!
Xox Janet

“So, here’s what to expect this week:
People we haven’t seen for a long time may reemerge for us to correct something that was left unfinished, we may receive a bill by mail from 1914 (I am barely exaggerating!), or a boss we once used to work for may ask us back into his company. Just expect the unexpected! This is our opportunity to correct, fix, or maybe just understand past events… and the good news is, it’s all to our advantage!
The final lesson this week is about fast-forwarding our actions. We are always so afraid that a good opportunity will pass us by that, oftentimes, we make very impulsive choices. This is the week to practice STOP FAST-FORWARDING TO THE END RESULT DECISION MAKING!
Remember what the kabbalists teach: what is mine will always be mine no matter what.
With the help of intuitive Cancer and deep Capricorn, I trust this week will be one of many revelations and great corrections!”

• See more at: http://livingwisdom.kabbalah.com/astrology-forecast-december-29-january-4#sthash.dFMvicpx.dpuf

Avatar

av·a·tar
ˈavəˌtär/
noun
1.
HINDUISM
a manifestation of a deity or released soul in bodily form on earth; an incarnate divine teacher.

I met my husband when he was 47 and I was 43.
To say I kissed a lot of frogs along the way is an understatement!
Since he’s French, there’s also a certain irony there.

On paper I looked uber normal.
I had a great job, 
a house,
a relatively “normal” family,
lots of good friends,
And two Siamese cats, Fraidy & Teddy.

But as you all know by now, I had my dark, hidden secret.
I was a closeted seeker.
I was devoutly spiritual.
I did yoga,
I meditated twice a day,
I could have been a monk.
Well, except for the red lipstick and nail polish…oh, and the sex.

Anyway…
I’m pretty sure I blurted it all out on one of our early dates,
after a glass of wine,
half expecting him to excuse himself,
saying he was ” going to the restroom”
only to discover he had made a run for it!
But he didn’t.
It ends up he was a seeker as well, having worked with 
a Peruvian shaman along the way, so I should have seen this coming.

For years I had sought the counsel of a channel,
a friend who had the ability to channel beings of higher wisdom.
So I invited her/them over to “meet” my new husband.
I’m not exactly sure what I expected, but what they did 
was to completely ignore me, 
and practically fall all over themselves,
calling him “Great Avatar”!
Then they explained that I am the “consort” to this great being.

What!??!
Like the Cleopatra to his Marc Anthony?
Nope.
More like the Robin to his Batman.
The Kato to his Green Hornet.
The Heckle to his Jeckle.

Well, not exactly.
He is my teacher.
I am grasshopper.

It just happened for the gazillionth time on Christmas Eve day.

He told me the story that night, on our way to dinner.

He is a typical man in the sense that he waits until 
3pm on the 24th to start his shopping.

So…he’s navigating an overcrowded parking lot,
and he’s hungry.
You get the picture.
He finally sees a car ready to pull out of a space,
so he positions himself, left blinker on,
And waits…and waits…while the person sloooooowy backs out.
Meanwhile, on the other side of them is a little pickup truck
that has the same idea.
My husband sees what’s up, and aggressively blocks the spot with his 
black Porsche, and then pulls in. 
(Don’t judge, just because it’s a Porsche and a pickup truck, just don’t)!
As the pickup truck drives off, he makes eye contact, and flips my husband the middle finger.

That stuff rolls off my husband…he’s French, remember?
But it’s Christmas Eve for cryin out loud!

He walks in to get a quick burger, and realizes while he’s eating,
that middle finger, pickup truck guy is eating with some friends a few tables over.
So he gets out a pen and writes a note on a napkin.
He then attaches $20 and hands it to the waitress to deliver to the guy,
And leaves.

The notes says:
Even though you flipped me the bird,
It’s Christmas Eve.
your lunch is on me.
The black Porsche.

As he glanced back, while walking away, he sees the guy showing the note to his buddies and
looking around the cafe.

He’s my hero.
He’s my teacher
He really is an Avatar. 
It is an honor to be his consort.

XoxJanet

“The ability to know that your perceptions are accurate has to happen without others’ validation. Intuition is not the result of diet, rituals, or wind chimes. It’s the natural consequence of having self-esteem, the greatest power you can have. With self-esteem, your life can broaden into an adventure because you can know in your gut that you can handle the unknown. And you can handle helping others without fear, which is true liberation.”
– Caroline Myss

I don’t know if any of you have done a remodel, or any kind of
major construction to your “nest”.

I’m asking because it sucks.

It is nerve racking at best, a relationship buster at worst.
When you witness the demolition, you just can’t IMAGINE
the finished product will materialize from that giant, dusty, dirty mess!
All you can see is what’s in front of you:
A freaking debris pile that looks NOTHING close to what you want!

My husband, being a designer/ builder often talks about that certain point
in the construction phase, where everyone loses their patience and the homeowner’s head explodes!

I experienced that phase first hand during our renovation.
My head did explode.
There should be a support group for that.

After the foundation is laid, things change every day.
It’s especially exciting when the framing happens because your dream starts to take form and you can physically SEE what has only lived as lines on a blueprint.

Then….days and days and days go by, and it seems as if the project has stalled.
Where for weeks you’ve woken up to the sound of nail guns,
now…crickets..

You’re convinced everyone has run to Rio with your money, leaving you living in a popsicle stick house.

What is taking place, is the rough electrical and plumbing, but it’s hidden inside the walls!
It is the nervous system of your home, and is critical to the finished product,
But DAMNIT !! It’s INVISIBLE!

I keep coming back to this memory, this time of reconstruction, to conjure my…FAITH.
I had to maintain my faith then, and I’m doing it now.
Just like back then, there is caution tape,
and a porta potty present, as my life is currently under construction.

Problem is…I can’t see any forward movement.
All the work is happening underneath and inside, and the progress seems
imperceptible from here.

It is critical to the integrity and structure of my dream, I know!
I keep picturing the Universe hard at work behind the scenes,
Kinda like Santa.
And my faith tells me things will eventually show their face in the physical,
just like the remodel did.

And, if I was a betting girl, I’d bet my head will not explode this time.

Stay tuned
XoxJanet

Words don’t teach.
It’s the emotions triggered by the energy on the page.
Isn’t that amazing!

It’s not the sentence structure so much as the words that are chosen.
They create a resonance, an energy match so to speak.
You get an “Ah ha” moment, which means the barrier of resistance is broken down,
and that allows the “light of insight” in!

You remember that depiction of the lightbulb over someone’s head
when they have a great idea or epic insight?

That turns the pen into a kind of magic wand,
a conduit that transports thoughts and ideas from one persons head 
or heart into another’s.

Words can make us laugh,
They can make us cry,
They can trigger lost memories,
and impart profound wisdom.
Words can sooth a soul…or break your heart

All that happens, when your own energy matches the energy on the page,
which is conveyed by the…words.

Have you ever re read a book only to discover whole paragraphs you don’t remember?
I’ve even had chapters that I swore I missed, like the pages were stuck together or something! That’s how unfamiliar the text felt to me!
What really happened was I was not an energetic match to the material at the time
I first read it. 
It never stuck. Not in my brain, certainly not in my heart.

Songs are even more powerful because you’re combining the energy behind the words with the vibrations of the different tones.
It is especially effective in letting the light in when you sing, because your cells literally vibrate from the resonance in your body and your resistance lowers immensely.

Maybe you don’t sing, ( you’re lying, you do, loudly, in the car, I know)!
But you can try this:
When you “OM” during a meditation, 
that tone starts open and in your head,
then changes as it closes, and goes deep into your chest.
It’s like a mystical yawn, it’s full of oxygen.
It grounds you, and changes you.

Where words are holy,
Music is sacred.
And there you go!
Holy and sacred, 
two words that carry an energy that 
speaks to your soul.

Yikes! Yeah! Wow! Whoa!

I’ve recently been bombarded by the realization that 
I NEED A MENTOR

I’m guessing it’s because I’m at this crossroads in my life,
letting go of what I’ve been used to, my career as a jeweler and antique dealer,
and beginning to get real about devoting more and more time,
Well…basically…my life…to this new endeavor.

Here’s the tricky part.
I have NO idea WHAT that looks like!!
And…do you hear that sound?
That’s the sound of my feet dragging!

Remember me writing about not being good at some things?
Well, this is one of them.
I have NO idea how to go about reinventing myself.
None.
Nada.

So the idea, suggestion, kick in the head from the Universe lately has been
call in an expert, 
Get a Mentor!
Someone who has walked this path, has some guidance to offer,
and will help get my ass going in the right direction.

So….I meditated on that, and low and behold, 
one of my favorite spiritual websites, 
is offering a Mack Daddy mentoring program!

There was an extensive online questionnaire to fill out, 
so that I, the potential mentoree, 
could give them a sense of what I hoped to achieve,
and also to translate the gibberish in my head into the written word.
To say I’m confused is an understatement. 
My brain, where this subject is concerned, should be put into the witness protection program, far away, so as not to cause even MORE trouble.

The perfectly crafted questions where designed to give them a sense of me,
and for me to give them the reasons why I thought I should be considered for their program.
They are picking 9 people out of hundreds, maybe even thousands.

I hesitated a minute before I hit “send” and then the minute I did, I wanted to 
somehow yank it back out of cyber space, feet dragging behind me.

A week or so later was a 15 minute follow up telephone interview.
Where I kinda had fun with the questionnaire, 
I actually got nervous before the phone call.

Because… part of me turned into an eleven year old, and I wanted them to love me.

I wanted to answer all the questions with great wit and charm, say all the right things and be so incredibly engaging that an hour would go by and neither of us would notice because we were laughing at how much we had in common, and what a great addition I’d make to the team, and “oh hell, we don’t need to think about this, you’re in”!

It was the same feeling I had on blind dates when I was younger.
Then I got smart.
I realized that HE had to dazzle ME!
I needed to make sure HE was a good fit.
I could only be me, as authentic as possible,
then I had to pay attention and see what the guy had to offer.

So I approached the interview the same way.
I want a mentor, but it’s going to have to be a good fit.
I’ve already been turned down by one woman and I admire her for that.
She wants me to continue to write and send them to her and she’ll know if it’s right.
I like that!

I know I have a lot to offer, I’m not broken, I just need some direction.
Even while I’m waiting to hear back,
I’m going to continue “dating” potential mentors.
and I Know the right one will show up.

This worked pretty good when I was looking for a husband, 
He “saw” me, 
he “got” me, 
and as much as I wanted to dazzle him, 
he out sparkled me by a mile!
And that’s when I knew it was right.

“Every positive change–every jump to a higher level of energy and awareness–involves a rite of passage. Each time to ascend to a higher rung on the ladder of personal evolution, we must go through a period of discomfort, of initiation. I have never found an exception.”
~Dan Millman~

I’m not good at EVERYTHING!
And I’m trying to be okay with that!

Recently trying to navigate the healthcare system,
searching plans, making sure I’m comparing apples with apples,
I was sure my head was going to explode!

I felt the same way with all details of forming a trust, 
and basically all legalese reads like Pig Latin to me.

As long as I’m at it, I will admit that many functions on my 
computer, and even my phone, are lost on me.
I do NOT belong to the generation that came in MP3 ready.
My typing style is still hunt and peck, 
I text with my forefinger, not my thumbs,
and I use capitols and (get ready for it)
Punctuation!

Here are a few other things I struggle with:

Remembering birthdays, 
I try so hard every year, yet I fail sometimes.
So, happy belated birthday, 
You know who you are.

Directions, 
my husband has a joke, (which he thinks is hilarious, and I never laugh at).
That if I walk out a door and turn right, which I always do with great conviction,
He KNOWS our destination is to the left!

Cooking, 
I’m just adequate. My sister can make even a PB & J a work of art!
The bread is toasted to perfection, the peanut butter is at room temp and perfectly
salted, and the jelly is like nectar of the gods! Ugh…

Small talk, 
Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE to talk…just not with people I don’t know!
And, I don’t even have being an introvert as an excuse.
I’m an extrovert, so I will walk directly into the center of a room,
and then freeze, with a dumb ass smile on my face,
waiting for someone to come talk to ME!

Talking and driving,
I can talk, or I can drive, I can’t do both well.
If we have an amazingly intimate and insightful conversation, and I’m driving,
we will pass our exit, I can guarantee it.
We will probably end up in Mexico.

Alas, I cannot dance.
Not even a little bit.
I can “move” to the music, but remembering steps and synchronizing with other people?
Definitely a challenge!

What has happened as I’ve gotten older, is that I’ve realized this:

There are things that I excel at. Many of them.
I could make a list of those too…but I won’t now.
Because the REAL issue is embracing the fact that 
those things mentioned above, and there are others,
Are just NEVER going to be in my wheelhouse!

No amount of research, practice or even prayer is going to 
make me better at those things!
And you know what?
That’s what makes ME…ME!
And I’m okay with that!
I even can laugh about it now!

What about you?
What have you made peace with being terrible at?

Xox Janet