self help

* Oh, bless you, The Divine Danielle LaPorte! We’ve been addressing this A LOT in my life as of late.

Take a look and then get out there and enjoy your weekend my loves,

xox

Yoga isn’t going to make you impervious to criticism — because criticism bites.

Meditation doesn’t make divorce less brutal — because divorce is rough no matter how it goes down. Green juice won’t keep the creep at work away — creeps like to creep. And prayer will not make your illness less intense to deal with — physical burdens are…burdensome.

For a lot of self-helpers, and juicers, and cosmic troopers who have been at it for a while there comes a pitfall — and you can trip into it on your first hot yoga class, or after ten years of regular meditation and fervent prayer. It goes like this: If I’m doing all this spiritual work, why does shit keep happening?

Variations include, but are not limited to: I’ve worked really hard to get my ego in check, why am I still so jealous of her?… I’ve had so much therapy, why aren’t I over this yet?… Been doing my abundance mantra for 40 days, but I’m still freaked about money… Take my supplements religiously, but I keep getting sick… I totally opened my heart chakra in that weekend workshop, but like, I still think he’s a total asshole.

Spiritual practice won’t stop shitty things from happening. Here’s the truly holistic picture: Life is full of shitty things, circumstances, feelings, emotions, and people with crazy-shitty motives.

You can still get your heart broken when you’re enlightened. Illumination doesn’t spare the body — pundit Jiddu Krishnamurti dealt with wretched migraines, the beloved Thich Nhat Hanh recently suffered a debilitating stroke. Tragedies strike. Tsunamis engulf. Life hits, heals, caresses, and batters every one of us — the saints, the do-gooder’s, in sun salutations, and in repose.

But this…

Here’s what soul practice does: It helps you handle the hard stuff when it comes. Every conscious in-breath/out-breath you take carves out space in your being for the ineffable mystery. And you really need to leave room for mystery if you want to stay sane. All of your dancing, and asanas, and sweaty finish lines are making it much easier to unfold, rather than grip and grind. The prayers, the declarations, the incantations… they’re an IV drip of grace, streaming into your nervous system.

Spiritual practice won’t make you super human. But it will help you fall in love with your humanity.

You get to choose your response to even the things you can’t prevent. When you’re down on yourself because you can’t get over it, when the Creepy Creepertons are on your very last nerve, when you’re tired of being tired, or your heart is in pieces…the best

Danielle LaPorte

http://www.daniellelaporte.com/?inf_contact_key=0c40520a67c0c00592ae82ccb6d9d8984e2ec4480c14ca5f6143d580ca3d4517

“I had tended to view waiting as mere passivity. When I looked it up in my dictionary, however, I found that the words passive and passion come from the same Latin root, pati, which means “to endure.” Waiting is thus both passive and passionate. It’s a vibrant, contemplative work. It means descending into self, into God, into the deeper labyrinths of prayer. It involves listening to disinherited voices within, facing the wounded holes in the soul, the denied and undiscovered, the places one lives false. It means struggling with the vision of who we really are in God and molding the courage to live that vision.”
~Sue Monk Kidd~

Sue Monk Kidd was on Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday a couple of weeks ago. I’ve loved her for almost 25 years.

Her most famous book is “The Secret Life of Bees”, but I became familiar with her after reading her spiritual memoir “When The Heart Waits” in 1990. That was a time when not too many people were brave enough to write about their spiritual journey of transformation. My copy is water stained from reading in the bath, highlighted with a yellow marker, has my insights written in the margins and is dog-eared almost beyond recognition. I ate it up with a spoon when she wrote that waiting for your purpose is a sacred endeavor.

Waiting is not always passive. It can be a passageway from one way of being to another. She gave me permission to wait for the reveal.

These days, even more so than 25 years ago, waiting, being still, has gotten a bad rap. Inactivity is THE cardinal sin of the 21st century.

She used the analogy of the caterpillar in the chrysalis. If you poke a hole to check on its progress, the butterfly’s wings will be underdeveloped, and it will be unable to fly. The same thing happens if you try to help it break through. Every second, every step of the process is critically important to the transformation…and the survival of the butterfly.

Just let that one sink in……All the way down to your toes.

This quote from “When The Heart Waits” is one of my favorites.
I need to add it to the list.

“When the heart weeps for what it has lost, the Spirit laughs for what it has found” 

That makes my heart stop every time.

When Sue had her chat with O, she relayed an insight she had around 50.
She realized she had been a seeker all of her 20’s, 30’s and 40’s. In that respect we are kindred souls. But recently she’d admonished herself.

Enough seeking, she needed to “find” something.

It was time to become A Finder.

That just about made my head explode. Now I get it.
That’s what happens in your 50’s. The energy you expended as a seeker is replaced with the energy of “finding” and sharing. You’ve sought, delved and explored. You’ve attend countless retreats, seminars, conferences and sweat lodges. You’ve discovered along the way you DID get some answers. You have found nuggets of truth. Things you KNOW FOR SURE. All your seeking has borne fruit. That fruit is deliciously ripe and ready to share.

It’s the reason I write this blog.
I used to spend hour upon hour, day after day reading everything spiritual I could get my hands on. At one time I had over three hundred spiritual and self-help books. I have given half of them away.
Now I spend hours writing what I’ve learned.

I will always be on a journey of asking WHY? I’m hard-wired for it. But I’m also hard-wired to share anything and everything I know.
THAT is the payoff, the pay-it-forward of the seeker. We get to say: Hey, you wanna know what helped me? Have you read this or seen that?

I feel like in our second acts we are now Finders.
Things start to make some sense. Not everything, I still can’t wrap my brain around vows of chastity and silence.
What I HAVE found is that I am much more willing to wait and see how things work out.
I’m not perfect, some days I still want to see the progress inside the chrysalis.
I am forever a work in progress. I will always be asking questions. But I’m embracing my inner Finder.

I feel like she has a lot to share.

Tell me what you know about waiting. How comfortable are you with being passively passionate or passionately passive? Lol.

Xox

Gumption

gump·tion
ˈgəmpSHən/
noun informal
1. shrewd or spirited initiative and resourcefulness.
“she had the gumption to put her foot down and head Dan off from those crazy schemes”
synonyms: initiative, resourcefulness, enterprise, ingenuity, imagination

My darling friend told me a story the other night, and with great glee,
she declared that she had displayed “gumption”!

We had watched the movie “The Holiday” together about a week ago.
Come to find out, it’s a Christmas guilty pleasure for both of us.

In the movie, two women switch homes for the holidays in order to escape 
toxic relationships. The woman who travels from England to Los Angeles,
Iris, befriends an elderly screen writer from the golden age of Hollywood.
He advises her to watch several classic 1940’s and 50’s movies,
to witness all the old Hollywood heroines in action. 
“They’ve got gumption” he tells her, 
in a not so thinly veiled attempt to stop her from being such a doormat.
He tells her to become “the leading lady of her own life”.

Gumption is such an old fashioned word.
You don’t hear it used anymore.
It’s an oldie but a goodie.
I like it.

So…my friend tells me her story, where she surprises herself with her…
Gumption!

She is an actress who just recently moved to LA from Canada.
Apparently everything regarding submitting yourself, and getting a part,
is different there. 
EVERYTHING must be done through an agent.

The freedom here in LA has made her absolutely giddy!
That, and all the sunshine.
She is submitting herself for tons of parts…and getting many!
I’m sure it’s her unbridled Canadian enthusiasm, 
which must be as unique as a Unicorn sighting, or real boobs
to these casting agents.

Anyway…
While she was submitting her tape through the usual channels,
she saw the familiar name of a casting agent she had booked a recent job with,
and her PERSONAL email address…
Here’s where the plot thickens.

Her brain did all the self sabotaging back talk that all our brains do.
For chissakes! Don’t send your audition to her PERSONAL email!
She could:
1) get mad ( there goes that contact)!
2) get mad and tell you to loose this email address (yikes)
3) be silent, but never cast you again (very passive aggressively LA)
4) excuse your bad etiquette, but think you’re too pushy (gulp)

But my friend doesn’t want to live that way!
So her exuberance and her gumption prevailed, 
and she hit send…

Not a half hour later, the woman responded so positively, 
it was like something out of a Hollywood movie!
Of course she remembered her!
“you’re perfect for the part,”
“your reading was awesome,”
“I want to see you Friday!”

The moral of this New Year’s tale?
I declare 2014 the year of Orenda, otherwise known as gumption!
Surprise yourself!
Take that leap!

XoxJanet

Are you proud of yourself? Of the life you’re leading?
If you’re not, what can you do to correct that?

Some of you have never felt pride in yourselves or your accomplishments.
You have never thought about yourself, or walked thru the world with a sense of pride.
What WE mean by that is, many of you don’t want to seems full of yourselves,
So you self deprecate, almost to a fault.

Now, this can be a tightrope topic.

Look at the definitions of PROUD especially the second one, and LOOK at those synonyms!

PROUD
proud/
adjective
1.
feeling deep pleasure or satisfaction as a result of one’s own achievements, qualities, or possessions or those of someone with whom one is closely associated.
“a proud grandma of three boys”
synonyms: pleased, glad, happy, delighted, joyful, overjoyed, thrilled, satisfied, gratified, content More
antonyms: ashamed
(of an event, achievement, etc.) causing someone to feel this way.
“we have a proud history of innovation”
synonyms: pleasing, gratifying, satisfying, cheering, heartwarming; More
antonyms: shameful
2.
having or showing a high or excessively high opinion of oneself or one’s importance.
“a proud, arrogant man”
having or showing a consciousness of one’s own dignity.
“I was too proud to go home”
SYNONYMS: arrogant, conceited, vain, self-important, full of oneself, puffed up, jumped-up, smug, complacent, disdainful, condescending, scornful, supercilious, snobbish, imperious, pompous, overbearing, bumptious, haughty; More
antonyms: humble, modest
imposing; splendid.
“bulrushes emerge tall and proud from the middle of the pond”
synonyms: magnificent, splendid, resplendent, grand, noble, stately, imposing, dignified, striking, impressive, majestic, glorious, awe-inspiring, awesome, 

Having pride and being proud of yourself has gotten a bad name.
You can appear to be the MOST humble soul on the planet.
But we want you to FEEL proud of yourselves on the INSIDE.
These feelings are not mutually exclusive. You can be humble and feel pride.

We would like you to realize your value, and feel how valuable your life is.
We trust that you will not go off the deep end with this.
Even the people that seem to be all puffed up and boastful 
are a facade.
They overcompensate for their real, hidden feelings of inferiority.

So we’d like to give you an assignment.
Find one thing in your life that you’re doing currently that gives
you a sense of pride inside.
If you don’t know what that feels like, look at the first definition above for help.
Feelings of pleasure,satisfaction,and gratification.

Even if it’s as simple as opening the door for someone,
or giving a homeless man a dollar.
Did you purge and give all your boxes to a charity?
Did you call and wish someone a happy birthday?
Maybe you let someone ahead of you in the checkout line.

Seriously, start there.
These do not have to be huge, we just want you to look for that feeling inside.
After you find this feeling, you will become addicted to it.
You will begin to search for ways to feel that satisfaction with yourself.
And believe us when we say, it becomes contagious.
When you walk thru the world behaving with a sense of pride,
your actions will follow, others will start to “pay it forward”
and this will start a chain reaction.

You will single handedly change the way the world views 
Pride and being Proud.
Well done! We’re proud of you 😉

It is very important that you are impeccable with your thoughts.
They are the propulsion behind the trajectory of your life.

If you are sloppy, your life will reflect that.
The same applies if you are fearful or timid.
It will feel as if you’re living a half life.

What you want to watch out for, are the thoughts that 
are self sabotaging.
They slow down your momentum.
Momentum is what you’re after these days.

Keep your thoughts focused on your desires,
with the finish line in your sights.
Paying very close attention to how you feel.
Do you go through most of your day feeling
empowered? Or defeated?
Do you feel as if the Universe works with you?
Or against you?
Do your desires seem attainable to you?
What is the first step in that direction?

The energy these days can really amp up the momentum behind
your desires.
It can act like a slingshot, helping you to reach maximum velocity.
All you have to do is monitor your thoughts and feelings.
Are you adding to that momentum, because
Negativity and self doubt acts like drag, it slows things down.

When you wonder why things are taking so long to manifest,
look no further than your own energy, your own thoughts,
then take some time to become impeccable.

Good Morning!

So many of you are living in emotional pain and anxiety
because you are trying to maintain a toxic family relationship.
And many of these are very one sided, YOU are the only one trying.

It is true that blood is thicker than water, but the blood that runs thru your veins
gives you life.
so does water.
Now water can also destroy. 
So can blood.
Just because someone is blood related does not give them the license
to destroy you.
To berate you,
To physically or emotionally hurt you,
To undermine you,
To withhold love intentionally.

A lot of you give them a pass.
Because they are family, they feel they have your undying allegiance,
And with that trust they manipulate you and cause you pain.
THAT is not love.

Whether it is your mom or dad, sister or brother, you must end that allegiance
when there is a lack of love and acceptance.
You all have harsh judges in your lives, they should not be your family.
Because if that happens as you grow and mature, 
and you feel you can never do or be enough, 
that translates into adulthood as self doubt, 
self loathing, 
constant feelings of inadequacy 
and total lack of self confidence.

We are advocating love and acceptance of these family members for who they are.
They may never change.
You may even find it in your heart to forgive.
But you must not tether your heart to people who do not deserve
that trust.

Chasing after the love of a parent will translate into a lifetime of chasing love.

You are better than that!
Your heart is precious and should be cherished.
Please know that, and honor yourself to the extent that 
You can step out of a hurtful family situation.

They are blood, but they are not your real family.
Your real family will uplift you,
They will love you even if you stumble.
They do not seek to humiliate or bully you.
They practice unconditional love.
Find THOSE people, and make THEM your family!

You came here to add your special “something” to the mix.
Your job is to find out what that is,
And do it!

You are one piece of a giant cosmic puzzle,
And you cannot be left out or the puzzle will be incomplete.

What do you bring to this world?
Is it your sense of humor?
Is it your ability to be kind?
Your gift with words?
The way your smile makes people feel?

You know deep down what it is you do better than anyone else.
You do!
It is the thing that makes you happy,
That makes your heart sing.

Can you tell a story better than anyone you know?
Are you fabulous with children?
Or animals?
Do you have a green thumb, where plants just love you?
Do you have a facility with language?
Beautiful handwriting?
Can you make a dress without a pattern?
Cook like a chef?
Repair almost anything with ease?
Sing with perfect pitch?
Remember people’s names?
Do you have a keen sense of direction?
Are you a whizz with numbers?
How about computers? Do you just love them?
Are you a natural born leader?
A gifted speaker?
Do you love to paint?

Are you an “uplifter”? Where you just make people feel good?
Are you funny?
Do you love to read? To exercise? 
Do you love to walk in nature?

Are you getting this?
It is the very thing you love, that you’re good at,
That is the gift you bring the planet.
Don’t get so bogged down with “life”
That you overlook or bury these treasures.
They may seem small and insignificant to you,
But they are the missing pieces to a very important puzzle,
And are needed now, more than ever!

So much more than flesh and blood
Than hair and bone.

More than father, mother,
sister, brother.

So much more than any job or lack thereof 

You are energy, eternal pure perfection,
Wrapped in love.

You wear this skin for such a short time.
It does not the essence of you define.

You’ve come here for the planets sake,
Leaving love and stardust in your wake.

You are so much more than it may appear,
Trust in that, just let that steer
you from mundane to miraculous,
And remember this is not a test.

You wanted to be here,
And now you know
You each make a difference 
you are so much more!!!