“I don’t know.”
Probably the scariest words this side of “It doesn’t look good” and “We have to talk.”
And why is that?
Maybe because from the earliest age we are asked, no, make that we are expected to know EVERYTHING.
What do I want to be when I grow up?
Who invented Velcro?
What do I want for lunch every day?
Where should I go to college?
What’s my major?
Do I want coleslaw or fries with that?
What is love?
Is there a God?
Where do I want to work?
Who do I want to marry?
Do I want children? How many? Boys or girls?
What state do I want to live in and which neighborhood?
Am I going to work or be a stay-at-home parent?
Do these jeans make my butt look big?
Should I stay or should I go?
How will I know when to leave?
Should I buy or rent?
How much do I need for retirement?
When are you too old to wear a bikini?
Donut or green juice?
Burial or cremation?
Holy crap! The sheer volume of questions we’re supposed to know the answer to is mind-boggling! And the fact that we come to a decision on most is commendable. We were taught well.
Consider my life. I’m no different from you. Not knowing what I wanted had NEVER occurred to me. I learned that saying I don’t know was unacceptable. It wasn’t one of the choices. There was no plan C. No other box to check. When I didn’t know the answer, I winged it. I made shit up. I turned at the fork in the road. I didn’t stand there with a map or spend time consulting my GPS. I had a five-year plan. I made a decision and dealt with the consequences because acting like I didn’t know which way to go, which most of the time I didn’t, seemed like the bigger risk.
But as I’ve gotten older and presumably wiser, I’ve discovered:
1. Not having children was the right decision for me (whew!)
2. The only woman who can get away with wearing a bikini after sixty is Helen Mirren.
3. It’s okay to say “I don’t know”.
Thinking I had to have all the answers started to feel like prison to me. It left no room for chance, spontaneity or dare I say—magic.
I slowly discovered that saying I don’t know opened the door a crack allowing a myriad of possibilities to flood in.
I don’t know went from feeling shameful to liberating. It became my Get Out Of Jail Free Card.
I throw “I don’t know” around like confetti. I aim to live a more inspired life. I no longer feel the need to know the end-game. I’ve pretty much taken my hands off the wheel and let a force that is much more daring, interesting and magical take control of my life and I’ve got to warn you IF you decide to go this route—buckle up—you’re in for one hell of a ride!
Carry on,
xox
