Have you noticed the big energy that accompanied this full moon?
And emotions that have been unearthed?
There may have been lots of tears,
Or the feeling of separation, of walking two feet behind yourself.
Some of you have felt a quiet desperation, like nothing matters,
And you’re just going thru the motions, feeling empty inside.
Fatigue has creeped into the cracks of everything you do right now.
Lack of enthusiasm is pervasive.
When you go to bed you can’t stay asleep, but in the morning
It’s impossible to get up!
What on earth is going on?
Where’s my joy?
I’m feeling lonely, and so tired.
But you’re all familiar with this cycle.
You’re all becoming experts at navigating these energy waves
As they come in and rearrange your molecules.
You KNOW that “this too shall pass”
And that now is one of those times to just get quiet and breathe.
No longer do you think this is a permanent state of mind,
But you have the KNOWING that just on the other side of
these feelings, there is peace.
Just on the other side of despair is your joy.
You’ve been here before,
You’ve walked thru the Valley of Darkness and come
Out the other side to laugh again.
You won’t drown.
On the contrary, you will soar!
The releasing of heavy emotional baggage that happens
When these big waves come in,
Make you buoyant.
It makes you lighter, and brighter, washes you clean.
Remember?
This is a time of renewal,
But that happens from going inside and digging deep,
From churning up the soil and turning over every rock.
And sometimes it isn’t pretty!
If you want to sleep…sleep!
If you feel like crying…cry!
Write your feeling down,
Get them out
And then rest.
You’re going to need your strength, because things are about to get
REALLY good!!
Realization number three in my ongoing unraveling brought on by this 5000 miles in 17 days motorcycle trip!
Really!? MORE?
Yep, it has become the gift that keeps on giving.
It feels like shit at times, but it really is a gift.
Some of you have heard the story of our close call on the plains of Montana and some of you have not.
For those that have…go make yourself a sandwich while I re-tell it.
So…plains of Montana, trying to out run a giant storm that is quickly bearing down on us.
Two squalls of rain ahead, with a space in-between.
My husband yells back at me over the rumbling thunder, “We’re gonna thread the needle”, meaning, try to make it between the squalls.
We are traveling on a two lane highway at 85 mph.
Now I digress, for those of you from the mid west, you are familiar with these storms.
They are an anomaly to me.
I’m from SoCal, when it drizzles there, we go on “Storm Watch”.
There’s immediate and unbelievably loud thunder that accompanies the lightning – ground lightening (what the hell?)
Then there’s rain. heavy, heavy, rain. Giant wet drops the size of quarters.
One minute it’s dry, the next it’s like someone turned a fire hose on us.
Seriously.
And hail.
Machines that rely on the centrifugal force of two six-inch wide spinning rubber discs, don’t play well with hail. Things get real squirrely. It’s like someone upstairs has thrown slippery, wet, marbles on the road in front of you and is having a laugh while you try to stay upright.
As luck would have it, the eye of the needle closes, and the squall moves over us.
Rain so heavy, I can’t see out my visor…at all…even when my hand becomes a windshield wiper.
All I CAN see are the blurry headlights of the cars in the opposite lane.
I digress once again.
Let me explain something here.
My husband is a giant guy.
6’3″. 230 lbs
My seat is a bit higher than his, so I mostly look over his right shoulder.
He does buffer most of the weather and wind, but he also obscures my view of what is directly ahead of us.
Let me also say he is an AMAZING rider.
Over 40 years of riding, he teaches off-road riding with 600 pounds of bike and gear, rides all over the world with me on the back.
Has followed the DAKAR in So America twice, and rode thru
South Africa and the Namibian desert just this year.
He’s not a poser, that weekend rider on a Harley.
He is a certified bad ass.
It is his passion, he is very skilled, and I trust him.
Okay, back to Montana.
Rain, wind, and as I am straining to see anything.
What I do notice are headlights…in our lane.
A car is passing in the on coming lane, at over 60 m.p.h in a torrential rainstorm.
I tap hubby’s shoulder and point. Are you seeing that?
He nods slowly, staring straight ahead, no break in concentration.
Thank God!
Because what comes next is where I lose my shit.
After that car completes his pass, right behind him, also passing and in our lane, is a pickup truck with a trailer.
There is not enough time or space now for him to pass safely.
He is in our lane, coming at us at 60 m.p.h. – in the rain!
Total loss of control
I’ve never thought I was about to die before.
This is where the screaming came in.
This is where ten thousand bazillion thoughts go through your mind in one second, and the entire scene goes into slow motion.
And this is where another realization came and tapped me on the shoulder.
“NOT NOW! CAN’T YOU SEE IM BUSY!”
I’m standing straight up on the pegs now, which you don’t do, because it destabilizes the whole arrangement we’ve all made, me, my husband, the weather and the bike, and all bets are off.
I’m screaming hysterically,my slasher movie scream, knowing I’m about to become a splat on the windshield of some jerks truck – in the middle of Montana.
I have NO idea how to get out of this!
But my husband does.
I can’t see an escape route, a way out.
He can.
I can’t contain my hysteria, because I’m totally and completely NOT in control
Of-My-Fate.
I’ m going to jump off on the right into a culvert and barbed wire, to try save myself.
It actually seems at the time like a better bet.
My husband, from years of experience, training, skill and guts,
remains completely calm.
Steady and still.
I can’t see from the rain, the speed, and the incredible turbulence as my husband goes around the truck and trailer on the right, on a sliver of asphalt that remains.
I continue screaming as I position myself to jump.
The right side of my body in motion, the left side decides to stay.
We slip beside him with less than two feet to spare.
The turbulence knocks our left hand mirror down, and buffets us for what seems like forever.
Total loss of control
The realization I’ve had is this:
In life, when we don’t have clarity,
Sometimes we’re barreling towards uncertainty,
When we don’t have the facts,
When we can’t see our way clear,
We panic and make decisions based in fear.
We can swerve or slam on the brakes on a slippery surface.
Most likely, to our detriment.
If we surrender to the part of us that does know,
That does have the wisdom, the skill and the steadiness to bring us thru the storm, we may give up control, which is terrifying, but it enables us to come out unscathed on the other side.
*side note
My body is still jacked up, because in every way except the physical
I DID jump off that bike.
The left side which stayed, is in so much pain,
The right side is fine.
I have yet to integrate the two.
Xox
Okay, Hi, me again.
I’ve been having some realizations,
Some more ah ha moments since I’ve been back,
that I wanted to share.
As great as it is to be back on two feet,
And back in my own bed at night!
I have to say, I’ve felt very “out of it” since I’ve been back,
ungrounded, oddly enough, and unsure how to operate back in my world.
Like my energy has changed and my brain and body have yet to catch up.
Kind of an energetic “jet lag” .
So I went inside, as I usually do, and got some interesting feedback.
Those of us that are sensitives, that move and feel energy,
have to expect that they will run a lot of energy as they move from place to place on the planet.
Sometimes we will even be ” called” to a certain city or country for that very reason.
Although, if you’re like me, you think it’s just for the food, or the shopping, or the fun of it.
It seems that as I rode thru those nine states, all those small towns and cites, I was loosening and mixing the energy.
Like running my hands thru swirls of different color paints, blending to form a new color.
leaving a new energy “wake” behind
And changing the energy signature.
As I thought about that, it made a lot of sense.
Since I was so open and un encumbered, just enjoying the sights and smells on the back of the bike, I was like an open channel and I’d tune into the vibe.
I would ride thru a small town in Utah, on a Sunday, and I could FEEL
The energy of the place.
The streets were deserted, everything was closed, it resembled a ghost town.
And the energy said “if you’re not from here…keep riding”
“Do not stop.”
And we didn’t.
Another town would have lots of flowers and the smell of cut grass,
And I would just have a smile as we rode along.
Even the plains had different energy.
We rode thru several Indian reservations, and the energy felt thick and heavy, like an invisible blanket.
Often I didn’t even know it was a reservation until later in the day.
And it always seemed to rain the hardest in those places.
Like a physical manifestation of the “Trail of Tears”.
As you know I had my own ” Trail of Tears” and by no coincidence it was
in those heavy places.
I think my body just needed to move that stuff OUT!
The moral of this story …for me, is that as unaware in the moment
As I can be, as most of us can be,
We are constantly picking up energy from people and even places,
and running it through our own bodies.
Some of this movement serves the planet, and some
just mixes the molecules up a bit for the next guy. 😉
So pay attention.
Un tying The Knots
You all have “knots” in your lives.
Things, behaviors or situations that impede the flow.
Some are old and have become quite large and tight.
They have been added to and pulled tighter over the years.
Approach these knots with ease and understanding.
They are there for a reason, and the first ones were tied long ago.
These knots can be
your weight,
Vulnerability,
Your money,
Relationship issues,
Trouble with authority,
Self worth.
Etc,
You fill in the blanks.
The first hiccup you had with any of these issues,
Through the early years of your life,
You tied a “knot” in your energy,
It felt like judgement or shame,
And it slowed you down.
Each time a situation felt the same,
The knot would get bigger,
Until now, it feels like you have giant speed bumps
That keep you from gaining any momentum in life.
Fear pulls them tighter,
So does worry.
So don’t go there!
Just as you can’t muscle the knots out of a chain or rope,
the same applies here.
Be gentle,
Turn it over and around and gain understanding
of how to best approach it.
Relax and breathe into the knots and they come up.
Realize that continuing your same behavior only pulls them tighter.
If you want your life to flow, unimpeded, with ease and purpose,
You must tackle these pesky knots!
Cry Baby!
Let me start out by saying that I never write these posts.
At least not the everyday, regular me that you would meet at the supermarket.
I let “them” write the posts.
“they” are much more profound than I am, and what they write is well articulated in the first and only draft.
And I like the anonymity.
I don’t fancy myself a writer, never have.
I’m not one of those girls who’s written her feelings in a journal
or confessed to a diary every night.
Nope, just not me.
But during this 4500+ mile motorcycle journey I started experiencing something unusual …for me, and I thought it would be helpful to share it.
I’ve ridden many,many miles on the back of our BMW GS adventurer.
All over the world.
But for some reason on this trip I found myself crying…a lot!
And I’m NOT a crier. If you asked me the last time I cried before this,
I’d be hard pressed to remember.
These tears did not come elegantly, like that one perfect drop down the cheek.
Nope, my crying was loud, and sloppy, with big gasps for air, and long whaaaaaaaaaaa’s.
Just like a little girl.
You know how children are easy to cry?
I was easy to cry.
And no one was more surprise than me!
I cried from exhaustion,
I cried from aches and pains,
I cried when my helmet wouldn’t come off and I had to pee,
I cried when I was terrified,
I cried when I was blissful,
I cried when the weather was cruel,
I cried from the beauty of the Redwoods
Or the ocean,
Or coffee.
You think I’m kidding,
I’m not!
After a particularly scary incident on the plains of Montana, in the pouring rain, that scared me so much I “movie screamed ”
( like those screams from slasher movies, which I didn’t know I could do, and made me cough for hours afterword)
I cried hysterically,
big boo hoo hoo’s for 10 miles!
While my husband patted my leg and tried to get us past the storm.
10 miles!!! About 10 minutes straight!!
I’ve never done that!
My point in sharing this is this:
I became raw.
I was raw from riding so long,
I was raw from trusting someone else with my life…..my LIFE!
And it allowed me to let my guard down enough to cry,
Which for me is quite something.
After almost 17 days of crying,
I feel renewed somehow,
And I’m guessing I needed the release 😉
Xox
~Janet~
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