It was 4 am.
My alarm caught me bleary eyed and mildly confused. I’d barely slept and I had an early plane to catch. The vicissitudes of the previous day were still scrambling my brain. Like many of you, I’d sat riveted in front of cable news for nine hours straight. Something I only do if there’s a catastrophe, like an earthquake or a tsunami.
I’d witnessed heroic courage and unadulterated, visceral rage. And it surprised me. I mean, I don’t know what I’d expected, but it wasn’t what I’d seen play out in front of me all day in Washington.
Again.
It WAS an earthquake. AND a tsunami. Wrapped in a tornado, inside of a hurricane.
Emotional wreckage. Norms shattered. Boundaries breached.
It made me sick. literally. At one point I thought I’d puke. I was seething.
I don’t think I took a breath the entire time Dr. Ford testified. I’m not kidding.
The first thing I did Friday morning, right after brushing my teeth, was to flip on CNN. The east coast is three hours ahead of me and I was anxious to see what carnage had transpired while I slept. The Judiciary committee vote was looming a couple of hours in the future and it looked pretty bleak.
Once at the airport I checked my emails. There were at least half a dozen of you wanting me to write something. To weigh in. What was I feeling? Could I see a path toward hope? Did I see any humor in it or was it really the dumpster fire it appeared to be?
Oh, dumpster fire. For sure…
While I sat there formulating ideas, feeling everybody’s fear, anxiety, and rage jump out of my emails and grab me by the neck, the news broke on the shitty TV at the bar across the way. Jeff Flake, a man of flimsy conscious and the unworthy recipient of the last glimmers of our hope, had decided to vote to confirm Brett Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court.
Gut punch. My abs should be used to being pummeled, but they aren’t. It catches me by surprise and steals my breath every time it happens.
I wanted to write something. I really did. I wanted to vent and rage, but my words would have only fueled the already enormous fire. The one I’m certain they could see from space. And what good is that?
That’s why god invented Twitter.
Besides, it was time to board, and I had three-and a half hours of captivity ahead of me in a metal tube that’s hurtling through the air in an aerodynamic way that no matter how many times it’s explained to me – is still a mystery. Anyway, I had nothing but time to listen to podcasts and watch the news. Except there was no live TV coverage on this particular flight, the WiFi sucked ass, and my podcasts had neglected to download.
What.. the … fuckity, fuck?
When that happens it means I need to press pause.
So I sat and stewed. In some very toxic juices.
You need to say a little prayer of thanks to my husband for bearing the brunt of all the collective feminine rage that was up beside us at thirty-thousand feet, caught in the stratosphere, circling the planet.
In the meantime, I poked around social media, seeking the advice of some of the thought leaders I turn to in case of emergency.
Glendon Doyle was livid.
Anne Lamott was devastated.
Of course they were! Then I happened upon this Facebook post by Marianne Williamson. She’s someone who is thoughtful and measured. Someone who I used to go see speak every Thursday night in the 80’s during the AIDS crisis. As I read it, tears ran down my cheeks and great pools of snot gathered at my feet. “Oh, they have done it now,” she said in an uncharacteristically defiant way. “Now they have triggered the memories of every woman who has ever had her opinions ignored or her feelings scorned.”
Bammo! Bingo! Bullseye! She put into words exactly how I was feeling and isn’t that why we turn to these women? To each other? To give voice to our deepest feelings?
“They have harnessed the power of a thousand hurricanes,” she wrote.
Indeed. And tornadoes, tsunamis, and earthquakes.
When we landed in Chicago I learned that Flake had had found his backbone- for now.
Ever since Trump took office I’ve felt my equilibrium tested. But the one thing I know for sure is that he and his cronies in Congress have poked the beast. They’ve awakened the giant – and she is us.
“Congratulations, Senators Grassley, Hatch, Graham, Cruz et al. You’ve done it now. I think you might have just elected the first woman president.”
Yep. And it will be soon. Sooner than they think. #justyouwait
Carry on,
Xox
“Oh, they have done it now.
They have done what thousands of feminists, hundreds of feminist organizations, and millions of women working as social and political activists over the years have not been able to do: they have harnessed the power of a thousand hurricanes. It is not just that they have triggered the memories of every woman who has ever been sexually harassed or abused. Now they have triggered the memories of every woman who has ever had her opinions ignored or her feelings scorned.
Ted Cruz pointed out in his testimony that Dr. Ford was treated with respect. I suppose he means that because they didn’t throw eggs at her. What those men don’t understand is that being silent after hearing her speak, as though actually she had not spoken, does not show respect. Basically ignoring what she said does not show respect. Making it all about “Brett, poor baby, he is one of us and he is hurting” does not show respect. In fact, their entire strategy now rests on ignoring what she said… not even grappling with her credibility, much less allowing a further investigation or more witnesses to testify. And every woman who has ever felt that her words meant nothing, that they somehow disappeared into the air after she spoke them and simply bounced off the ears of a man or men in the room, whether she was ever touched inappropriately or not, she is triggered now.
Congratulations, Senators Grassley, Hatch, Graham, Cruz et al. You’ve done it now. I think you might have just elected the first woman president. A fierce, giant force just been awakened among us. And unlike Quan Yin sitting silently next to my television, we will not be silent. In the coming days and weeks and years, we will speak our truth. We will hear each other and we will believe each other. And this time, by men, and by women alike, we will be heard. #justyouwait
-Marianne Williamson
