“People in France have a phrase: “Spirit of the Stairway.” In French: esprit d’Escalier. It means that moment when you find the answer but it’s too late.
So you’re at a party and someone insults you. You have to say something. So, under pressure, with everybody watching, you say something lame. But the moment you leave the party . . .
As you start down the stairway, then – magic. You come up with the perfect thing you should’ve said. The perfect crippling put down. That’s the Spirit of the Stairway.”
― Chuck Palahniuk
I love this quote. I’ve lived this exact scenario.
My husband and his family are French and a French insult is like no other in the world. Much like fashion and food, they have elevated it to an art form.
What other culture has an entire phrase dedicated to it?
A French insult is subtle, cloaked in a back-handed compliment, and always accompanied by a smile. Well, a smirk really.
“That dress is very pretty…so much better than the one you wore the other night.”
Smirk, double cheek kiss and…scene.
Ouch.
It’s just that my take on this is a little bit different.
Although I’m the first person to utter bitch under my breath, I don’t waste my time searching for the crippling put down.
Listen, don’t get me wrong, I can eviscerate you verbally, I’m a writer.
It’s just that a put down or a jab seem… pedestrian—like the easy choice.
I’d rather be ironic and humorous.
It defuses the situation immediately. Magic comes to those that are funny, not insulted.
Besides, the French don’t know what to make of humor. Let’s face it— they wouldn’t recognize it if it bit them in the ass (now that’s funny)—they laugh at Jerry Lewis for godsakes!
If I get pissed, I get stupid. End of story.
You have to stay smart to be funny, and when the whole room laughs…no one remembers the insult. That’s magic!
“Thank you” leaning in, “I’m so comfortable—I’m not wearing any underwear.” Wink, double cheek kiss…and out.
You get the idea.
And don’t leave the party until you say your piece.
You can double back, there’s no statute of limitations on a party insult.
It doesn’t have to be “spirit of the stairway”. It can be “spirit of the driveway” or “spirit of the hallway.” “Spirit of the back patio” and “spirit of the powder room” work too.
Doesn’t matter. Let ‘em it have it.
With humor.
Carry on my crazy tribe,
xox
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