inspirational

Hi All,
So here’s the thing. While I was being a slug on the couch Friday night, my husband inquired as to my plans for Saturday afternoon. Seems after reading my post about the kite
http://theobserversvoice.com/2014/04/02/go-fly-a-kite/
He went on Amazon, bought me a kite and researched the places within a thirty mile radius of our home with optimal wind conditions.
Is your mouth hanging open like mine was?
Just that he continues to read my blog gives him so many husband extra credit points, then to actually decipher the emotional content….
So yesterday we actually woke up to a blue sky, breezy day, drove to a perfect little park in Silverlake, and for the first time in 40 years, I flew a kite. I still can’t wipe the smile off my face.
Happy Sunday!

XoxJanet

“Whenever you become anxious or stressed, outer purpose has taken over, and you lost sight of your inner purpose. You have forgotten that your state of consciousness is primary, all else secondary.”
~Eckhart Tolle~

Man, can you feel it? There’s a LOT of drama out there.

It’s like the Shakespeare Festival has staked its tent and all the players are acting out their melodrama…inside OUR lives. Crazy has come to town.

It feels not only national, but global…even Cosmic.
Lots of amped up solar activity lately. March even spit us an X class solar flare on its way out. I blame everything wonky on solar flares. Computer goes down, car won’t start, dog poops in the house.

“I call it! Solar flare!” From bad TV reception, to cranky pants postal workers, to epic fly away hair and static electricity. I went to pet the dog last night and produced an electrical arc that would have made Tesla proud. “Solar flare!”

If you think that full moons bring out the crazies, I betcha twenty bucks solar flares are worse.

Mother Earth is even rattled for Pete’s sake. It’s rockin’ and rolllin’, and keeping us all guessing. “They” even say that the 8.2 in Chile was not “The Big One”. “They” are not helping. “They” need be run out-of-town with torches and pitchforks. Kidding. But seriously people, you don’t know ANYTHING for sure. Pipe down or soon everyone in Chile and California will be sleeping in the park.

Oh yeah, Crazy loves to camp.

Driving is especially insane these days. On the freeway this morning, there must have been an accident every mile and a half.
People are short-tempered and stressed, and that makes them drive really fast while texting, eating an Egg McMuffin and putting on mascara.

I’d tell you it’s safer to fly, but…honest to God, where’s that freaking Malaysian plane?

The energy seems to be crackling with chaos and turmoil. So how do we stay above the fray? How do we not get caught up in all this drama? Especially when the majority of it doesn’t even belong to us?

1) TURN OFF CNN.

2) Breathe and stay in the moment. Someone’s got to keep a cool head.
Don’t worry about what “could” happen. Breathe and stay in the moment.

If the Earth opens up and swallows your neighbor’s house…breathe and stay in the moment.
If the car next to you swerves and flips on it’s back. Breathe and stay in the moment.

3) Keep a cool head. Stay grounded. It’s not your shit. Help out.
Be one of the people who stays calm and carries on. We need you.
If it’s not happening to you directly, breathe and stay in the moment so you can be of assistance.

If YOUR house is hit by an asteroid, you know what I’m gonna say:
Breathe and stay in the moment.
Then grab the dog and run.

XoxJanet

How crazy is it where you are?
How do you stay grounded? Or do you? I want to hear about it in the comments below.

<p>
PUNISHMENT 
pun·ish·ment
ˈpəniSHmənt/
noun
1. The infliction or imposition of a penalty as retribution for an offense.
“crime demands just punishment”
synonyms: penalizing, punishing, disciplining

Are you a punisher?
I was…I have been…so I guess I am.

I’ve withheld sex after a fight. That’s a classic.
I’ve withheld my attention when I’ve felt misunderstood.
I’ve given the silent treatment, which to some was actually a reward, so I stopped.

I’d venture to guess we’ve all got a little of the punisher inside us.

I’m not passive aggressive, I’m actively aggressive. I do not shy away from confrontation. To me, passive aggression is a form of punishment. You say everything’s okay, when you think it’s not. You avoid direct confrontation, then pout, procrastinate, or fail to complete the task you were asked to do. Ugh! Don’t punish everyone. Just say no next time.

When I’ve punished, I’ve felt unheard or misunderstood, so I didn’t feel like rewarding that behavior with my time, attention or affection.
Disappointment is the worst. “I will make you pay!” 
“You get no Janet love!”
But what made me think that bad behavior would get me my desired results? Again, it is a false sense of power, who’s unstable foundation is fear and insecurity. There’s so many of those, and they wamboozel us. Remember ultimatums?
http://theobserversvoice.com/2014/03/20/youre-not-the-boss-of-me/
What made me think I could be a bitch to you, and THAT would make you do what I ask…or want me more?

I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say it stems from my childhood. (Gasp)
[Cue the cheesy organ music from the old soap operas] I’m certain I saw it as a child. The silent treatment. We screwed up and mom’s not talking to us. Uh oh.

“Where did we ever get the crazy idea that in order to make children do better, first we have to make them feel worse? Think of the last time you felt humiliated or treated unfairly. Did you feel like cooperating or doing better?” 
― Jane Nelsen

Right?! I’ve REALLY grasped that concept as I’ve reached my 50’s. No need for public humiliation. No need to “find fault.” Ohhhh that’s another one. I had a boss, that when something went wrong; before we problem solved and tried to fix it, we had to all stand there and figure out whose fault it was. All two, maybe three of us.
Jeez.

Mistakes are made, people mess up, feelings get hurt, stuff gets broken (sorry mom) and now I for one, will be trying my damnedest to hang up my punisher hat.
You know, the one with the bright red: “I’m always right” on the front.
How about you?

XoxJanet

Are you a punisher? Do you know someone who is? I’ve confessed, Don’t leave me hangin’
Let me know in the comments below.

I was thinking about this the other day. Don’t ask me why. Maybe because it’s been windy here in LA, and I love to fly kites. And…I like the analogy.

Here goes: If I was a kite, flying high in the wind, searching for the jet stream, I would have a tail to stabilize my flight and I would be grounded by a long string.
You with me?

As this kite, I look forward to the windiest days. The Santa Ana’s are music to my ears. Even though they seem a bit chaotic to some, even destructive, they are the thunder to my lightening, the Sonny to my Cher, the peanut butter to my jelly.
We are a team. I’m nothing without a good, stiff breeze. Have you ever tried to fly a kite without the wind? You run and run for miles, until you have no breath left in your body, and when you finally stop…the kite crashes to the ground.
It’s impossible.

So, I’ve got the wind to set me sailing high above the clouds.
What would my tail be made of? What would I use to keep me from wobbling, spinning and diving uncontrollably? This is tricky, a stabilizer has to be light, it can’t impede the lift.
I could make a tail of old torn up love letters and pages from my past, tied together by memories. I would gain a little height, maybe just up over the trees, but then those memories would start to weigh me down. My past would act like an anchor. Better to just let them go.

Would I use everything I’ve learned through the years? Hmmm…that has to do with intellect and my mind. I can tie together notes to myself about how to fly and articles on aerodynamics, with doubt and uncertainty as the glue. Whatcha think?
I can’t gain any altitude because I’m thinking way too much about the how’s and why’s of staying aloft.

Hey! What about belief. If I can string together with faith, all the beliefs about myself that let me know I was MADE to fly. I’m a kite, for crying out loud. Flying is my sweet spot. The belief that the sky is where I belong. That I’m better than most. That if I go with the flow, and let the wind take me, I can fly higher than the birds. Maybe hitch a ride on an airplane. (As kids we were convinced our kites were so high, a jet plane would have to swerve around them) Gotta love that.
Belief is the perfect stabilizer. That will be my tail.

Now…who holds the string? Ohhhhh boy.
My ego? Nope too ADD. He’ll see something shiny and let go. I’m not safe with him at the helm.
I can’t let my fears hold the string. They’ll never let me get higher than five feet off the ground. Too windy, too dangerous, too high, too hard to hold, too fearful, too bad. Next!
What about a member of my council? You remember I wrote about our councils.
http://theobserversvoice.com/2014/03/27/your-behind-the-scenes-team/comment-page-1/
How about the guy with the TEAM JANET sweatshirt? He’s perfect to hold the string. He knows all the best parks, where to find the fastest winds, even where to get that extra long spool of string. So jet stream here I come! He won’t limit me or bring me down before I’m ready. Yep, I’ve got this all figured out. 
Weeeee weeeee!

XoxJanet 
How about you?
Do you relate to the kite analogy? Do you have a better one for yourself? A high performance race car?
Please share in the comments below!

I love me some Mary Barra. She is the CEO of General Motors, and right now they are in some pretty hot water over the handling of an ignition switch recall. People were injured and some died from these faulty parts. At the time, 2004-2008, GM was in serious financial trouble, and we, the tax payer, bailed them out in 2008.
They are now the new and improved General Motors, with Mary Barra coming in as CEO in January 2014
Now, I don’t usually have all these dates and details at my finger tips, I was just stuck in traffic, and heard the story today on the radio. It’s still me, don’t be alarmed.

Here’s why I love Mary Barra. She said “I am deeply sorry.”

“Today’s GM will do the right thing,” she said. “That begins with my sincere apologies to everyone who has been affected by this recall — especially to the families and friends of those who lost their lives or were injured. I am deeply sorry.”

No one from GM has offered anything close to an apology up until today.
What? Why?
Lawsuits, no admission of guilt, blah, blah, blah.
Say you’re sorry damn it!

You get a lot of mileage from saying “I’m sorry.”
To someone who’s lost a loved one it isn’t enough; but it is a start.
It shows compassion. Corporations generally haven’t shown empathy or compassion, because they aren’t human. But they’re comprised of human beings, so where’s the disconnect?

What is the human resistance to apologizing?
In your life does saying “I’m sorry” signal weakness?
I think it signals strength. Like bad ass Ninja warrior strength; because it’s hard to say.
Something happened. Shit went down. Feelings got hurt. You played a part.
“I’m sorry.”

Just those two-word can defuse SO much energy.
Have you ever tried to continue your rage rant when someone has just offered you a sincere apology? You can’t. Well, you can, but you’ll feel like a real bitch. Then the tables are turned.

If it’s insincere, there’s nothing worse and it doesn’t count.
Get mad. Lawyer up. Show no mercy.
But if it’s heartfelt….it starts the healing…or the conversation…or the hot make up sex.

I’ve said it when I’ve been wrong, and I’ve had it said to me, and I gotta tell ya, it’s magic. It’s like water on a fire.
You feel heard and understood.
So next time your back’s up against the wall, and you’ve messed up,
just say you’re sorry, and mean it, you Ninja warrior, you.
It’ll feel good; I promise.

Xox

Do you say your sorry when your wrong? Do you accept it when it’s said to you?
Agree or disagree?
Start the conversation in the comments below.

I love our Wednesday Women’s group. We get together after a long day, notebooks in hand, and settle into our sacred circle with the intention to transform our lives. We let loose the habits shaped from our pasts, divulge an occasional secret dream, and bask in the fertile conversations of our lives reimagined. Even though Saturday put up a good fight, Wednesday is now my favorite night of the week.

This week we discussed gratitude. I LOVE me some Gratitude, and its sister, Appreciation. I truly believe they are the stepping-stones to a happier existence. I’ve witnessed how they can literally transform a life.

That being said, when terrible things happen in life, and they do; the losses, the failures, the disappointments and the heartbreaks. You do yourself a disservice by immediately slapping a happy face bandage over the feelings.

Back in the day at the start of the “New Age” movement, it was taught that everything could be solved with a positive affirmation and a side of gratitude.
“Be grateful that your life is in shambles, you’ll be a better person. Now say this affirmation: When shit rains down on me, I will smile and grab an umbrella”.

So, that’s what a lot of us did.

I did.

I was the poster child for laughing through tears. I had notes with positive affirmations stuck all over my house. I had them written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror.

I firmly believed that I could “positive think” my way out of every sad, sucky situation. But there was no feeling behind my gratitude, it was all lip service. I was hurting and the last thing I held in my heart at that moment was appreciation for the situation. I could have tattooed an affirmation on my forehead, that still wouldn’t have made it so.

When you know this stuff as well as I do, you think you should implement all the teachings you have in your back pocket to navigate your pain. All you do is delay it. Pain, anger, grief and the rest of the crew HAVE TO BE FELT in order to dissipate.

Then, and only then, can the gratitude flood in and fill the void.
But not one minute before.

Oh shit.
I messed that up for over thirty-five years.

I’ve had “delayed reaction syndrome” regarding my darker emotions. Sadness hits me months later. I can throw a dinner party with balloons and sing with the band minutes after terrible news.

I’m THAT girl.

I misunderstood the directive: This too shall pass.
I never let it pass me, I ran faster, in my endless race of avoidance.

I used to feel guilty for feeling sad and wanting to cry all day. I thought I should be able to rise above it. I would gear up with my pad of Post Its and search for the silver lining every time life took a terrible turn. But often that lining is buried deep under multiple layers of anger, pain and resentment. You have to really get in there and mine for it. Otherwise, a positive affirmation scab can form, and everything just festers underneath.

It’s not pretty, I don’t recommend it.

I do believe you can “Fake it, till you make it” which is affirming a behavior as you learn it, but not until the underlying issues are resolved.
Oh yeah….that.

I hold such deep admiration for those cultures where it’s accepted to wail with grief. Men AND women, what a relief that must be. They just give into it, and let all that emotion out. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh. Seems so much healthier.

I’m always afraid the sadness will be so deep it will swallow me whole, and my wailing will never cease. Dogs will continue to hear it for weeks and pray for sweet relief.

So this is my cautionary tale of not reaching for gratitude too soon.

We discussed this at length on Wednesday, because we are all about transition through transformation. We all agreed that we would not cheerlead someone out of their pain. Myself included, because I am the biggest offender. We would hold the place for them to feel through the layers until the onion is peeled.
We won’t let them wallow either. Tightrope walking, I know. But so do-able in this group, and for that I am TRULY grateful.

Are you someone who can process your emotions in real-time, or are you more like me with “delayed reaction syndrome”. Let me know in the comments below.

XoxJanet

Red hair, blonde hair, soon grey hair, thin days, fat days, aging…my picture can never keep up with the ever transitioning me!
Happy Sunday!

XoxJanet

I was discussing intuition the other day with someone I love.
I will call her: My sister. Yep, we had blabbed over salad, about the kids and my new class and we had worked our way to discussing intuition, you know, just like you all do.
I was reiterating how in my experience, intuition’s not loud, it doesn’t yell, it is never a question and it just keeps repeating itself, over and over.

She looked at me and said: How am I supposed to hear it, over that other voice in my head? The loud, snarky, judgy one, that says we shouldn’t order the cake.
Right?
Call him ego, call him the devil, call him whatever you want. He’s an asshole. Michael Singer in “The UnTethered Soul” refers to that voice as “The Room Mate” which I love. The ever present pest.

Here’s the answer. Short and sweet.
YOU ARE NOT THAT VOICE. You are the listener. Let that sink in.

Just tell that guy to: Shut the F up.
After he’s been on his endless, negative rant about my weight or my bank account or my age, I give him 10 seconds to say something positive, or he MUST shut up.
That’s a trick, because it’s impossible for him. Those words just don’t exist in his vocabulary and it renders him speechless.
Ahhhhh quiet.
THEN I can hear intuition’s voice.

I do it in the car, in meditation, in the shower and the bewitching hour…3AM.
My friend Sally and I did it on our hike.
We just demanded that that scoundrel: Shut the F up.
I’m sorry, but cursing is required here, he doesn’t respond to polite requests.
He’ll just call you a weak suck and criticize your grammar.
We then laughed through the rest of our walk.

Mind you, it takes practice and in the beginning he doesn’t stay away for very long.
He’s like a wild, untrained 8 week old puppy, peeing all over your hopes and dreams. He needs boundaries and it takes discipline. 
But we MUST, all, set these boundaries with the voices in our heads.

They are not us. We are the listener, we call the shots, we get to turn the channel.
This listener prefers the Positive Channel over the Worry Channel.
The Worry Channel has a 24 broadcast cycle with a huge audience, but it makes me sick…literally.
So now you know the secret. Cuss him on his way, and get some peace and quiet.

What’s the name of your pest? What tricks do you have to share?
Start a conversation in the comments, won’t cha?

XoxJanet

*This is a recent post by Danielle LaPorte DanielleLaPorte.com
I LOVE her. She is a rockstar, in my opinion.
I think this is so important right now.
Like, not in a minute, or tomorrow important, but right now important.
Unburden the soul, get lighter.
My list is at the bottom.

A Celebration of The Stop Doing List. 
On the path to defining your own version of success, what you stop doing is just as important as the things you start doing. Read that twice, please. Because this concept could change everything for you — if you let it.
Stop and… liberate.
What you stop doing is just as important as the things you start doing.
Everybody needs a Stop Doing List. Even a marketing genius, prolific author, vegan, philanthropist and all ’round smarty pants like Seth Godin. I asked Seth to get on the stop doing band wagon with us. He obliged:
I will stop:
Keeping score in games I don’t need to win
Keeping score in games I can’t win
Wasting time on people I can’t please
Ignoring the side effects of my personal choices
Giving into the resistance without realizing I was
Reading my Amazon reviews
Letting other people decide if I was doing a good job
Trying so hard when it came to persuading other people to change their minds
Making lists like this one. Except now
Cleaning industrial dough mixers
Walking into glass doors
Biking without a helmet
Cutting large blocks of Styrofoam while barefoot
Working for jerks
Here’s Danielle’s latest personal Stop Doing List:
I will stop:
Staying up too late when the truth is, I want to get up before sunrise and start loving the day.
Doing the laundry simply because it’s there. Write first, laundry can wait.
Acting like I love to garden and going all kale crazy. I don’t really love to garden. I just love snap peas and edible flowers. Simplify.
Picking a fight with snarly security officials at airports. They need love. And a lot of it. (I should generally go easier on people in uniforms. This will take some willpower.)
Bringing my nicest clothes to consignment stores, it’s so not worth it. And it’s much more fun to make my friends happy with a bag o’ style.
What will you stop doing? Like, right away.
Use these questions to create your new no’s:
Are you deeply passionate about it?
Do you feel you’re ‘made to do’ it?
Can you make a living at it?
If the answers come up meh, just kinda, and … no to – then you might want stop doing it. Shut ‘er down. Take it off your plate. Let it die. Cease. And exhale a sigh of relief. Now you can move with more velocity toward your dreams. That’s how this works.
Janet’s I Will Stop Doing List:
Dying my hair blonde
Saying “awesome”
Eating chocolate covered almonds and saying I had nuts as a snack.
Saying I am going to grow vegetables this summer…it’s never gonna happen
Subscribing to magazines I never get a chance to read (Hello January O Magazine, I’m talking to you)
Caring if other people think I’m doing it right.
Planning appointments at peak traffic hours, if I have the choice.
Picking up the dance and spinning class schedule at the Y, it just makes me feel bad.
Reading emails in bed.
Getting lost in Facebook at bedtime.
Eating raw chocolate chip cookie dough
Making promises I can’t keep^
Hiking without socks

*Yesterday I sent this to Liz Gilbert the author of “Eat Pray Love” , and asked her to share her list.
Her response: That’s AWESOME! (Whoops I said it!)

Unburden yourself. Send me your list in the comments.
XoxJanet