inspirational

The Lost Art of Humility

I saw an interview recently of a young, huge hit maker, music industry mega star. I can’t for the life of me remember who it was. For the sake of this post I will call that malady: menopause brain. It is similar to pregnancy brain, or so I’m told. I used to have total recall, but since 50 that has gone the way of perky boobs and flat abs.

Here’s a funny or sad story, you decide. I was talking to a friend the other day, on my cell phone, while rifling frantically through my purse, looking for my cell phone. I told her I had to hang up and try to find my phone, so could she please call it so I see if I could hear it ring? There was just silence on the other end. I’m sure she was dialing 911 on her land line. When I realized what was happening, I laughed so hard I almost pee’d my pants. Ugh… I’m turning into my mother.

Anyway….this young guy displayed a trait you don’t see much of these days in the mega famous. Humility. It was so refreshing, it was like a glass of ice water in hell.
He was asked how he felt about all his success, and he said: I would not be here if it weren’t for the people around me.

What?!

The interviewer pressed on: Well, what about this great thing, or that great hit? That’s just talent, right?
The very humble star continued: I had a music teacher in middle school that saw something in me, if he hadn’t, who knows where I’d be. I wasn’t good in school, I would have fallen through the cracks.
I had a mom that believed I was special. If she hadn’t, I might still be back in Virginia, doing who knows what.
I had a mentor, a producer that took a chance on my first CD. It wasn’t successful, but it allowed me to learn. If I hadn’t had that experience, I wouldn’t be where I am today.
Those people changed the trajectory of his life and he is forever grateful.
I fucking love that.
There are too many stars, too many successful people, that buy into their own hype. They start to forget how things began, how they evolved, and all the people and the steps it took to get to the top.
They have no desire to pay it forward. They pay tribute to no one. They are legends in their own minds, because everyone tells them they are. They are surrounded by “yes” men and women who are all on the payroll.
They can’t find the time to mentor; they’re too busy looking in the mirror.

We all are NOTHING without the people around us.
I’ll take it a step further. We are all CONNECTED.
As one person is raised up, we are all raised up.
Come on people, let’s all remember to look back and lend a hand.
To pay tribute to those that saw our potential, even when we couldn’t.
To affirm humility above bravado.
Don’t get me wrong, I love me some bravado when it’s earned, but for God’s sake, if you had a mentor; and you probably did; mentor someone in whom you see potential.
Pay it forward.

Success is tenuous and delicate. Don’t take it for granted.
I’ll say it again. We all are NOTHING without the people around us.
You know who they are. They give you the support, the confidence, the love, the big breaks. Give them some props man.

I had a music teacher, Ed Archer, who saw vocal potential. I had a sixth grade nun, Sister Mary Gabrielle, who instilled the love of learning and books. My mom said I could do anything, she was my mom so I believed her. My husband thinks I’m funny. He’s French and they think Jerry Lewis and the Three Stooges are funny and I don’t; but I’ll include him anyway. These are the ones that immediately come to mind, I know there are more. Stay tuned…

Tell me whatcha think. Who changed the trajectory of your life?
Who has been your biggest champion, believer, mentor?
Who saw/sees your potential?
I’d love to hear from you!

XoxJanet

*So..its been a very tech glitchy morning. Duh! Apparently anyone who follows this blog didn’t get the link to the meditation. After I ran around screaming and pulling my hair out, I remembered what I just wrote and made some corrections. Here”s the version I intended with the link. Listen,it’s worth it. xox

I went to the amazing Diana’s full moon meditation Monday night. The evening was warm and the wind chime’s tones were in concert with the blood moon energy.

During her lead up talk, Diana guided us: Just like when the teacher calls your name and you respond PRESENT…HERE…I AM HERE. Acknowledging in your heart that you are present now, for this, at this time.
And for some reason, that made several of us tear up. It touched my heart. It felt open and willing with a childlike innocence.
During the meditation, a soft, calming voice said to me:
My Darlings, this is the answer to a million prayers. Millions of you have prayed: What if the world could awaken overnight? This is the energy that will do it. Every plant, animal and human being on the planet will be touched and changed.
If you use the analogy of a tsunami, right now, all the water had been pulled off shore and out to sea. That is why so many are having a feeling of great anticipation. You sense something is coming. That big wave is coming in the next two weeks, and you will see a change.

Uh…holy cow, okay.
Maybe I have prayed that prayer after watching the latest endless news feed before bed. I am one of the millions.
It sometimes seems like a hopeless cause, this planet we inhabit.
After last night we all felt…hopeful.

This is a time of immense change, but change can be good. We need change right now.
We need the water to go out, and come back full of new life.
I know I do. I think you do too.
The energy the next two weeks is big. Like epic, kick some ass, change the world big. The astrological implications are ridiculous!
So…stay calm, carry on.
Don’t make any big decisions just yet.
Whatever you do, DONT RESIST ANYTHING. That will feel like shit. Just go with it.
Anger is resistance.
Fear is resistance.
Impatience is resistance.
Depression is resistance.
Separation is resistance.
Disappointment is resistance.
Loneliness is resistance.
Anxiety is resistance.
Desperation is resistance.
Resistance is not accepting WHAT IS.
Please, just accept it…for now.
And whatever you do, don’t hold your breath.

Here is a link to the Full Moon Meditation from Diana Lang (www.lifeworks.com)
If you don’t have the full half hour, the meditation starts at around 16 mins.

I’d love to hear feedback on any and all effects of this big full moon energy.
If you think someone could benefit from this post, pass it on!

XoxJanet

“Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof.” (Because I’m happy)
That’s a lyric from the mondo hit “Happy” by Pharrell Williams. Which I sing…at the top of my lungs…in…my…car. Yep that’s me next to you on the 101 fwy. Deal with it, or better yet, sing along.

XoxJanet

You might be waiting for things to settle down. For the kids to be old enough, for work to calm down, for the economy to recover, for the weather to cooperate, for your bad back to let up just a little…
The thing is, people who make a difference never wait for just the right time. They know that it will never arrive.
Instead, they make their ruckus when they are short of sleep, out of money, hungry, in the middle of a domestic mess and during a blizzard. Whenever.
As long as whenever is now.
~Seth Godin~

Maybe too heavy for a Sunday…I always need the reminder.
XoxJanet

Happy Weekend!
XoxJanet

Steve Jobs said: You can’t connect the dots looking forward – only backwards. Today it appears that everything I chose to study played a key role in my life and business success. Maybe it was destiny? I prefer to think it was the power of a generalist education helping me pull together disparate areas of knowledge to build a business.

I’m writing this for all the kids getting their college admission/rejection letters right about now, my nephew included. Pretend you dug up a time capsule in your backyard, and this was inside…from your future self. I wish I’d left this for me.

Many of us are under the mistaken impression that there is only one way to the top of the mountain. That mountain being happiness/success. By the way, they are not mutually exclusive as some in the spiritual community might have you to believe.
That is old, dusty, musty, crusty thinking. That is SO 1978.

My father drilled into us kids that finding a job, preferably in his profession, and then staying there 45 years until retirement, was THE way to go. That’s what his father did, and what he and his brother emulated. Lots of hard work and long hours, with little time for family, would lead to your rise up the rungs of the company ladder, and who could ask for a better life?
Uh…all three of us kids? Much to his disappointment. That was SO 1952.

It is not uncommon today for someone to change jobs, especially in the tech fields, every 18-24 months. Things be a movin’ and a shakin’.
My father is doing cartwheels in his grave.
You know what he thought of people like that? “Jack of all trades, master of none.”
That was SO 1960.

What about this little nugget. It is imperative that anyone who wants to succeed in life get a college degree.
Haven’t we ALL heard that? Guess who didn’t finish college?
Mark Zuckerberg, Bill Gates, and my buddy, Steve Jobs. I can call him that, because he has a seat at my imaginary round table. More on that another time.
Most entrepreneurs get bored and annoyed with school. They are also terrible employees. They can be fuck-ups early on, later maturing into great leaders.
The schools that give them honorary degrees and invite them to give commencement addresses, would not admit them as students today.
I’m not advocating dropping out, I’m just sayin’…
The average net worth of billionaires who dropped out of college, $9.4 billion, is approximately triple that of billionaires with Ph.D.s, $3.2 billion. Even if one removes Bill Gates, who left Harvard University and is now worth $66.0 billion, college dropouts are worth $5.3 billion on average, compared to those who finished only bachelor’s degrees, who are worth $2.9 billion. According to a recent report from Cambridge-based Forrester Research, 20% of America’s millionaires never attended college.
~Wikipedia~

So that kinda blows that theory to hell.

Check out the big brain on Janet, with all the statistics. 😉
Thank you copy/paste.

What Steve (Jobs) was insinuating in the quote at the top, was that the more well rounded individuals may have a leg up on the one way mountain climbers.
They definitely have more fun on the way up. The student that graduates at the top of his class may not end up being as successful as the guy voted: Most likely to live in a van, down by the river.

If you study music, it can facilitate a career in mathematics and physics.
Theatre arts backgrounds help with public speaking and group leadership skills.
Foreign travel aids in resiliency, problem solving, risk taking and general “up for anythingness.”
Being artistic and learning other languages forms new neuro pathways that keep the brain elastic, open to new concepts and creatively innovative.
That is a generalist education. Knowledge in many fields.

So kids, those of us in our 40’s ,50’s and 60’s that were the theatre geeks, the artsy fartsy, free thinking, good with our hands, crafty, able to take stuff apart and put it back together and have it work better than the original, (I’m talking to you, Jim). We paved the way, with Steve, for the appreciation of a generalist education as a stepping stone to success.
You’re welcome.

Tell me about your road to success and happiness. Was it a straight line?
Did you take detours along the way that helped? Please, start a conversation in the comments below.

XoxJanet

According to astrologists, we are in for quite a ride the next two weeks. To me the energy feels like a speedball. It either makes me shaky and speedy, like 10 cups of high octane Italian espresso or so sleepy I’m afraid to drive or operate heavy machinery, like my sonic care toothbrush.
Things feel incredibly tense, there could be some back biting and sharp tongues.
Maybe that’s just at my house.

Regardless, they’ll be lots of revisiting of painful situations for healing. Lots of clearing out and letting go…you know, April. April, for me, has always been a “mutha” of a month. Powerful change, ego adjustments, clearing, break ups, deaths…all the fun stuff I can’t stand.

“There can be a deep shift or psychological adjustment to an old, sad emotional space in your soul today. Work with any power struggles to help shift the energy.”
AnneOrtelee-

Oh goodie.
That was one of the tidbits from the highlight reel of my life for the next two weeks.
After taking in all this doom and gloom information, I decided to just “be advised” and go on with life as usual. I will try to breathe through the shit, and lend a hand to those that get stuck in it. That someone could be me, so I decided to wear my waders.

Here’s what has happened so far this week; It’s Wednesday….Yeah.
Three years ago, with the demise of my store, and all the legal hassles that followed, while we were negotiating the rent settlement with the landlord, he put a lien on our home. Total asshat move and just another lesson learned while swimming with the sharks. Once all the judgements were satisfied, I wanted the lien removed. ASAP. I heard nothing. I would periodically email, or ask my attorney the status, but to be honest here, when I didn’t get the paperwork or hear back, I feared I would have to take more legal action, and I just wasn’t up to it. Swimming with sharks is exhausting and demoralizing and I needed a rest.
It has been two years now, and it’s been hanging over my head. You know, that thing that you know you HAVE to do, but the thought of it makes you sorry you’re a grown up and you feel like you want to puke?
So I composed another email to the principal asshat. The one that I’ve had the hardest time forgiving. I squirmed through the whole process. It was short and to the point: Remove the lien from my home…Now…Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter.
He waited a few days, and yesterday sent all the paperwork and PDF’s that showed he had done it the day I asked; years ago. My less than competent lawyer never filed it with the county. Note to self: Lawyers on contingency are always busy with the paying clients. My case was filed under “small potatoes” and treated as such, buried in dirt….we’ll label that Lesson #1124.
So with a bit of minor paper shuffling, I AM DONE WITH THAT.
That sad, sucky situation has been revisited…and cleared. What a freaking relief.

So that was the high yesterday. The low happened in the afternoon.
Our little four month old Boxer-shark puppy had been acting lethargic for a couple of days. We tried to cover our glee with concern. She was docile and mellow, and it was heaven, but it wasn’t right. She stayed home with me yesterday, just sleeping and re enacting the deathbed scene from “Terms of Endearment.” Big sad eyes, stoically smiling through her pain. At 3pm I became the mother from that movie, when suddenly I had to rush her to the vet. She had woken up limp and shaking, and unable to walk on her left leg. I drove the three miles to the Vet in two and a half minutes, yelling back at her limp, sad face to hold on. Once there, I found out our little tripod was running a very high fever. They couldn’t see much in the X-rays. They couldn’t explain the high fever. So…to the specialist we went. My husband, who loves dogs more than people, joined me, and we rushed her, in rush hour, to the Spendy Vet. Spendy Vet is where you go at 3am, or drive a hundred miles an hour to get to. It costs minimum $500 to walk in the door, and it means you have a very sick animal.
We had done this exact drive to this exact facility in 2007 with our old boxer girl Penelope. She just started one day to have horrible seizures. Pancreatitis was suspected…go see the specialists. We took her for tests, and the next day, when we went to visit her, we were told the prognosis was so bleak, we had no choice but to put her down. It was so unexpected and traumatic. I’ll never forget it. Either will my husband. He told me on the drive over yesterday, that he purposely avoids that section of Sepulveda Blvd, because he can’t stand to see that building. The wound is still too fresh. And here we are, on our way there, with our sick baby puppy.
We were only there an hour total and the situation couldn’t have been more different than before. Yes, she was really sick, but they assured us, she was so young and going to be fine. Everyone was petting her and kissing her, and the doctor owned boxers, so he received my husbands seal of approval. Which is very hard to come by. When they called early this morning, her fever had broken and she was in all her wild puppiness once again.
So, we revisited a VERY sad and painful situation, going back to the scene of the crime, so to speak, and had a completely different and actually lovely outcome.
Maybe my husband can stop his self inflicted detours and drive past that building now. That’s a huge healing.

If this is what the energy is bringing, I think I can do this. So far so good. It does feel like a speeding train and I want to put my big Fred Flintstone foot out and slow this puppy down. But that’s highly unadvisable. 
These are yucky, sucky, sticky, painful situations that needed clearing. It feels shitty, until you get to the other side. Easy for me to say today, let’s see what happens the next two weeks.
Hey, nice thing is; we’re all in this together.

Are you revisiting your own painful situations for clearing? How is this big energy affecting you? I’d love to hear about it in the comments below.

XoxJanet

As I’m out and about these days, asking questions and being my nosey self,
the topic that keeps coming up has been about trying to maintain or salvage difficult, morphing friendships.
And by difficult, I mean the ones that have become almost impossible to pursue due to the other party’s jackassery. You, of course, have been the best friend imaginable. Right?

What’s the best way to react when a friend you really care about starts to move on? Emotionally and/or physically? Is it wise to be angry and demand their participation? What about begging? I’ll answer that one. For chrissakes, don’t beg. Have a little self respect. Jeez. I say that because I’m hearing about it, watching it happen, and I’ve done it. Let them go. Did you see Bridesmaids?

Transition is harder for some of us than others. Holding on to a friendship by the ankles, doesn’t show love or devotion. It shows fear of change and….desperation. There, I said it. I’ve mentioned it before in the blog, but here it is again. A therapist once admonished me: Janet, you don’t just love, you take hostages. Be careful with that. 

So I know a bit about the subject. It applied to men and girlfriends.
And I’ve worked really hard at letting things transition. The natural ebb and flow of relationships. I learned to observe a friend’s behavior. If they stopped coming around or calling, I would check in to make sure they were alive, and if everything checked out and they remained MIA, I would give the relationship space. Yes, it hurt my feelings. Hurt feeling are survivable.
The good friendships are fluid, filled with liquid respect. There are no harsh words, ultimatums or judgements leveled. They move away, then return, just like the tide, even years later it can seem like not a day has passed.

With girlfriends, when one of them gets into a serious relationship, they may not be available as much on the weekends. It kinda sucks, because us girls will be there when he’s long gone, and she should be able to accommodate both, but we’ve all been there, on both ends, I’m sure.
It’s the same when good friends get in with another group of people and (gasp) hang with them, instead of us. Traitor. Do you go into heavy pursuit, calling and texting relentlessly or do you let the thing play out. She’ll be back. She’ll miss your general awesomeness, and the fact that you know her backstory…and you still love her.
THEY are just acquaintances, you are her friend.

Sadly, some friendships do just fade away. One or both parties have changed, and the things you had in common have dwindled. Do you applaud a friend’s changes, or do you challenge them, wanting everything to go back to the way it was? They may need to catch up to you, or visa versa and that can really sting, especially if you’ve been friends for a long time. But my advise is the same: observe and give it space and time. If there is a real connection, you’ll be able to pick things up. Easily. If not, well then, it was bound to end.
Friendships are a two way street.
They’re not a game of solitaire.

Don’t let these friendship adjustments close you down. Put yourself out there and make a few new ones. It’s hard, and you won’t want to do it, but that has saved me.
When all my friends AND my sister had babies, everything changed for me. I wasn’t in Mommy and Me, and even though I spent many an afternoon in Chuck E Cheese, I just wasn’t in the mommy club.
So, I made an effort to make new friends. Friends that could go to the movies, be spontaneous, maybe go to Palm Springs for the weekend. I had to, I was tired of being a single, childless, sad sack.
After a few years, I was able to blend the two groups. The mommies were coming out of their jet lag level fatigue, and they wanted to have some girlfriend time. Just like now. The empty nesters all want to come out and play again. I’m thrilled. No grudges held here. Just nights of wine and lots of snort laughs. Damn, it’s hard to believe these crazy bitches are someone’s mother!

My advise? Let your friend go, and when that door closes, don’t nail it shut. Your friend may be back. She’ll be the wiser and richer for leaving and your friendship will only benefit.

Tell me, has a friendship changed for you recently? How are you handling it?
I’d love to hear about it in the comments below.
If you’ve done it well and have some tips, I’d love to hear that too!

Xox Janet

What are you like when you enter a relationship? From personal to professional? Do you put your best food forward? The one with the impeccable pedicure and the Gucci sandals? Only to reveal your other side once that perfect foot is in the door?
You know, the callused hoof with nails like a sloth, stuffed inside Uggs? Is that fair? Did you misrepresent?

I had 14 pairs of gorgeous matching bras and panties back in the day. They were all flowers and lace, smelled like lavender and wrapped in tissue paper. I had them in order, from first date, to seduction, to weekend trip away together. I would rotate them until the deal was sealed. Until we were a couple, which meant that I had an automatic date on Saturday night. After that, what the poor guy saw were the tan cotton Haines, white granny panties, or tattered old G strings. With a plain black bra. No more pretty, frilly, matchy, matchy.
TMI? Nope. Just TM…Total misrepresentation!

Our stepmother was all platinum cotton candy hair, false eyelashes and kind, loving, nurturing words. Glenda the good witch.
Until our father married her. The last champagne glass hadn’t been cleared when she demonstrated her true nature. Out came the pointy black hat while she cackled her admission of hating children. My brother, sister and I gulped and waved as she rode around the room on her broomstick. “This is gonna suck.”
My dad just looked bewildered as he realized he had been sold a bill of goods. Total misrepresentation.

I had a friend in the eighties who lied to get a managerial position. He had never managed anyone, anywhere, anyhow. Day one he realized he was in WAY over his head when he was ushered into a large boardroom for introductions and to lead the Monday morning sales meeting. He excused himself to “get his briefcase”, commando crawled to the elevator, jumped in his car and raced to the nearest bar and got shitfaced.
Total misrepresentation.

Why does that happen? Can’t we be who we REALLY are and get what we want?

Why do we only wear the good undies in the beginning, lie to get the wrong job, imply we love children when we don’t? When we misrepresent, we start off the whole relationship on the sloth foot; in disguise.
I’ve had it happen to me, and I felt mislead and disappointed.
Realistically, we can’t show ALL our warts at the start, but couldn’t we be the BEST versions of our flawed selves? Like warts with a bit of concealer?
After all, no one’s perfect. I know that to be true!

So I’d advise that we all be our magnificent, perfectly imperfect selves.
Wear normal clean underwear on dates. He knows he’s not dating a Victoria Secret model, he likes the sensible girl.
Please don’t tell Mr Right you love his kids when you don’t. That’s just wrong on so many levels. They’ll be a guy who’s a better fit for you. I promise.
Try not to exaggerate your accomplishments on your resume. We all do, I know.
But if you’ve never skydived, don’t say you have. THAT will be a very hard one to get yourself out of.
Let’s not misrepresent. Be patient. All the right everything will come along.

XoxJanet

Have you misrepresented yourself? Even just a little bit? How did it work out? Tell me in the comments below