humor

Now that we’re living in an alternate reality…I think we may need this this more than last year. I know I do.
Thanks Adele.

Happy Thanksgiving!
xox

I don’t appreciate being pigeonholed, and I try not to do it to others, but honestly, as we all live and breathe, and the sun sets in the west, I’m an extrovert – right?

Ha! Not so fast.

I took a test back at one of those kookie workshops in the eighties, where the air was scented with sandalwood and body odor, and the leader was a fellow with grey dreadlocks and colored striped gaucho pants. Short Circus pants, really.

Since said test was administered toward the end of a loooooong day of chanting, drinking only carrot juice and nibbling on cacao covered coffee beans ( you can’t make this shit up, it was said to improve our “stamina”).
We were on a twenty-four hour, soul-searching quest to discover our true selves, using each other as mirrors, so I’m pretty sure all twenty people would have pegged me as an extrovert.

I can be a bossy pants, especially back then, when I was living my life as the Divine Masculine.

But the results of the test proved what I kinda suspected.

I’m a chatty, sensitive, loner, spotlight stealing, amalgamation of the two.

An Ambivert (which I thought he was making up, just like the validity of the cuisine he served; but it’s a real term).

Here are a few questions that can help you determine if you’re and introvert or extrovert:

Where do you gain or lose energy? (Crowds suck the life force right out of my husband. Me? Not so much.)

Introverts are drained by people and need alone time to recharge. (Only if I’m around the energy vampires)

Extroverts are drained by too much time alone. They need human interaction to recharge. (Ding, ding, ding, BINGO)

A smidgen of both? Welcome to the club.

See that beautifully enlightening graphic above?

It’s another one of those things that should be hanging in every schoolroom, outside every therapist’s office, in the bathrooms at Starbucks and taped to the front door of every party we attend.

Don’t you agree?

That’s just some common sense, good thinking…but I hadn’t thought of few of them.

Here are a couple corrected misconceptions:

Introverts aren’t just shy. They’re introverts. It’s about energy.

Extroverts aren’t necessarily the best sales people, as is often thought, they can be terrible listeners.

Give this some careful consideration. Maybe, in your haste to judgement, you mis categorized those close to you, and maybe even yourself. I know I did.

Let’s all take a moment of silence, and send some juicy gratitude to Gaucho Clown Pants Guy.

OMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

I love when you comment! Let me know. Are you an introvert, extrovert or Ambivert? Did you learn something from that graphic? I did!

With love, whispered from the rooftops,

Xox

*Another unsuspecting victim. Sorry Hillary. Happy Sunday!

Dear Airplane,

I love this arraignment that we’ve all agreed upon.

YOU somehow achieve significant aerodynamic lift; enough to propel us through the sky, from point A to point B, and I sit in my chair in the sky, eating the peanuts, holding the belief that all of that scientific shit is true.

Come on.
Can we cut the crap?

Clearly, air travel is some crazy magic or a freaking miracle.

The sheer accumulated weight of all the passengers and our consistently overweight luggage (I can only speak for myself)
render all that science shit impossible.
Really.

Airplanes work because we all believe they do.

Amen.

*This is for all my friends that are on planes this weekend 😉
Happy Saturday.

Sending miracle Inducing Love,
Xox

What do you think is the easiest ways to gather metal shavings?
Broom and dustpan? Windex and a paper towel? Magic wand?
How about a magnet?

Now apply that to gathering the right people for your new project.
Attracting the right partner.
Magnetizing money.

That’s right. Become the magnet.
Magnets have the ability to either attract or repel.
You know that guy at the office that you just can’t stand to be around? You are energetically repelled; so be prepared to say no when he asks you out…because he will.

Opposites may attract; but only for a short time, you just can’t override physics.

So, how do you become Magneto?

Here’s a trick I use.
I’ve done it since the 70’s, using it to help humanity by drawing in better fashion and hairstyles.

I imagine in my mind’s eye all the projects and people who I admire.
These days it would be:
Brene Brown, Liz Gilbert, Anne Lamott, Maire Forleo, Richard Branson, Daniele LaPorte.
The TedTalks, Hay House Conferences, OWN Network. Various Writing and Philanthropic groups.
All the big publishing houses, filled with their über creatives.
The smaller publishers hungrily looking for talent.

Then I bless them all. I send them love and light.
I imagine myself in their company. I belong there. I am their peer.

As I do that, I imagine the rearrangement of my molecules.
They become charged to the same frequency as the things I am imagining, and the metal shavings start their slow dance in my direction, so to speak.

Shipping containers, cars and refrigerators start flying my way…..Kidding.
(How cool would THAT be?)

But it’s fun to imagine being magnetized so that you can attract to you the people and circumstances you desire.

It’s my own personal super power.
I used it to attract my husband. Shhhhhhhh, he doesn’t know. Let’s just keep that between us.

I KNOW energy can do that.

It delivers control of the seemingly random aspects of life back to us.

You gotta love that.

I do this while I fall asleep, in the car, (no,no, not at the same time), walking the dogs and at the gym. Basically any time I don’t want my mind to wander into the minefield of my negative thoughts and doubts.

Give it a try for fifteen days.
Then report your results back to me.
Much love,
Xox

“I want to live my life in such a way that when I get out of bed in the morning, the devil says, “aw shit, he’s (she’s) up!” 
― Steve Maraboli, Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience

I can feel it. The dry wind and rolling tumble weeds of change signal it’s departure.
Like a ghost town in an old John Wayne western, the town of Smallville is fast becoming deserted.
It wasn’t a bad place, there was simply no room to grow.

One by one, its inhabitants are leaving their old, timid and fearful ways behind and hitching a ride out of town.
They are breaking old habits, daring greatly, and living LARGE.

The part that has floored me is that it’s happening so fast….to so many.

Here are the tales of just three:

One of the residents of Smallville took a consulting job recently at an hourly rate in the three figures. She was approached because of her level of expertise and honesty. It doesn’t interfere with her day job since it was arranged to be done on her free time.
She has previously been approached but never agreed to do this. The townsfolk of Smallville had convinced her she wasn’t an expert, and that she didn’t deserve that kind of money.
But she’s grown so much and is now very aware of her worth.

She’s gonna have to look for new digs, the fit is wayyyyyyy too tight for Smallville.

Another resident also did something she’d never done before.
I’m telling you, THAT is when you can call the moving van to whisk you the hell out of Smallville.

She flew to another city for the weekend for classes that will take her to the next level of certification in her field.
Not bad for an already successful forty something woman.

She’s kicking ass (and tumble weed) and taking names on her way out of town.

“Live your truth. Express your love. Share your enthusiasm. Take action towards your dreams. Walk your talk. Dance and sing to your music. Embrace your blessings. Make today worth remembering.” 
― Steve Maraboli, Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience

Then there is the story of one of Smallville’s life long inhabitants.
I don’t think she’d mind me saying that.
She’s played it safe, making sure she wasn’t too loud or too bright along the way. She tried not to rock too many boats, because when she had in the past, other people had problems with the choppy seas.

But she’s over sixty now, and as the world is fast finding out, you can’t keep a wise woman (with the winds of maturity and bravery at her back) down.

She is using her beautifully strong voice, fueled by integrity, to rally her community for a noble cause. She is taking a stand, as others around her are too scared to speak up.
This is very unlike her, so it is the first time for such a courageous act.

Last week she was on the front page of the paper in a large metropolitan city. (I know!)

The picture shows her, like an Amazonian Guardian of the Gate, standing firm but feminine in her conviction of the cause.
Not only has she outgrown Smallville, I’m not certain if her huge city can contain her now.

Too-da-looooooo Smallville!

“The Bhagavad Gita—that ancient Indian Yogic text—says that it is better to live your own destiny imperfectly than to live an imitation of somebody else’s life with perfection. So now I have started living my own life. Imperfect and clumsy as it may look, it is resembling me now, thoroughly.” 
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

How are you living small? Are you ready to leave Smallville? I know you have ideas. Tell me how.
I’d be so happy to hear about it below!

*Welcome to the tribe Mauritius, you crazy little island nation, you. I had to look you up. Aren’t you a beautiful place?! Thanks for following.

Much love,
Xox

Wanna Make God Laugh?

Turn to her when you’ve exhausted every other option.

When science and medicine can’t find the cure.

When all YOUR best efforts have hit the skids.

When you’re struggling with addiction, depression or grief.

Why is it, that when all else fails we say: Well, NOW it’s in God’s hands.

Maybe… it could have been handed over in the first place.
At the start.

I’m guessing that the Energy that creates worlds and David Beckham, can help us with our dilemmas.

How about you?

BTW: She’s not laughing AT us, She just thinks we’re a hoot.

Big Hugs,

*I also wanted to give a shout out and express my deepest gratitude to all the countries who have become part of my tribe.
This is a snapshot of the global reach this simple blog has had for the week so far.
Isn’t that CRAZY!?
If you ask yourself, I’m only one person, what can one person do? Here’s your answer.
Thank you Mauritania, Kuwait and Algeria, you’re new viewers this week. Welcome.
I LOVE you all SO MUCH! Thank you!
xox

United States 1,358
Philippines 95
United Kingdom 45
Australia 25
Canada 23
Sri Lanka 10
France 9
Brazil 8
Ireland 7
Kuwait 7
Saudi Arabia 7
Bangladesh 5
Pakistan 5
Germany 5
United Arab Emirates 5
Russian Federation 4
South Africa 4
Guatemala 4
Mauritania 3
India 3
Portugal 2
Italy 2
Algeria 2
Greece 2
Mexico 2
Poland 2
Switzerland 1
Sweden 1
Luxembourg 1
Norway 1
Netherlands 1
Iceland 1
Indonesia 1
Venezuela 1
Turkey 1
Romania 1
Japan 1
Colombia 1
Liberia 1
Morocco 1
Kenya 1
Malaysia 1
Austria 1

“Except for the things we did wrong, we did everything right.”
~Will McAvoy The Newsroom

Bravo Aaron Sorkin. I LOVE that line.

I was re-watching last season’s episodes of The Newsroom. I have to do that to get reacquainted with the characters and story line for the upcoming season.
Oh fuck it. Who am I kidding, I have to do it because the dialogue is so rapid fire and smart, that if I blink or chew or fail to focus one hundred percent of my attention on it, I’m lost.

I’m IN LOVE with that particular piece of dialogue because that’s how I feel.

About all of us.

Except for the things we did wrong, we did everything right.

We really are doing okay. 
Better than okay, but I can already feel you bristling, so I’ll stick with okay.

I know. It doesn’t feel like it sometimes.

Hey, except for the things we did wrong, we did everything right.

We’re all doing better than we think.

Listen, we show up everyday.
Our feet hit the floor and with some manner of enthusiasm.
We enter the arena.
We have neither Tom Cruise levels of couch jumping excitement, nor are we living under a bridge with trolls.
We are gamely in the game.
Whatever that means. You know what I mean.

We have shelter and something to eat.
You know how I know that?
Because we have a high speed internet connection, and in the survival handbook, that is third after shelter and food.

We have remorse for those things we did wrong.
Now our job is not to wear it like an anchor around our necks.

We are literate and educated.
I’m taking a leap here, but I feel pretty confident about that.

We’ve all dialed back our inner Neanderthal, serial killer.
We have been able to sidestep prison up until now. If you are incarcerated, tell me about it in the comments below. 

We have our humor.
That I know because you keep checking in each day to see what kind of an ass I’ve made out of myself. Or, what crazy vomit, note burning, vagina checking I’ve been up to lately.
Some of your emails just have Bahahahaha in the subject line.

We are all doing the best we can.
We are judging and criticizing less. We are meditating and attending to our yoga practice and our oral hygiene. I really can’t ask more from you than that.
Maybe cut your toenails?

You know you’re not alone.
Not in your hopes and dreams and not in your various neurosis. If you’ve read this blog for any length of time you should feel extremely reassured.
And incredibly normal.

We’re living responsible lives.
The bills get paid, the kids aren’t dead, the pets aren’t dead, the fish isn’t……

You’re striving to improve yourselves.
This is a spiritual blog at its core, so you’re reading and implementing any and all advise you glean from these pages (Indulge me here).
And, I’m intuitive so I KNOW you are all loving and kind people walking through the world, striving to live your purpose.
Aren’t I good? It’s a talent.

In closing: Except for the things we did wrong, we did everything right.

You’re welcome,

Amen.

Love yoooooooou!
Xox

You can only write me a comment if you’re currently in prison…

“When a woman rises up in glory, her energy is magnetic and her sense of possibility contagious.”
― Marianne Williamson, Woman’s Worth

That’s just so beautiful, so powerful and was SO freakin’ hard for me to learn.

I’ve been feeling SO incredibly proud of women these days.
In our groups, the Wednesday group, the Divine Feminine and others, we are reinforcing our connection to each other.

Women Empowering Women.

Shit! Talking about Marianne Williamson, she just ran for congress and Hillary may have a good shot at the presidency.
We are “in the arena” as Brene Brown would say.
Boy, are we ever!

This post is about the power of the feminine. 
Sorry guys.
The word vagina may even be bandied about.
You can either celebrate us, or take your balls and go home. ;-). I can say that because, for many years, my boss and everyone around me, swore I “had a pair.”

I kicked ass in a predominately male oriented business.
I was a fierce and ferocious negotiator. I could go toe to toe with the most grizzled, experienced diamond dealer, and he would finally call UNCLE, pay MY price and walk away, balls in hand.

Men were terrified of me.
I was all lipstick and lashes, but that was just to disarm them; then I’d go in for the kill.

BALL BUSTER was my middle name.

I used to swell with pride when I heard that. That was my admission to the boys club, whose glass ceiling I was determined to shatter.

I was also the enforcer.
Men would get that damp upper lip and lower their eyes when they saw me walk up to their booths at shows, to collect on their past due accounts.
They knew I would stand there until they provided me either a check or a credit card number. No excuses accepted.

I was not well liked. But that was alright by me. I was respected and I didn’t care if people liked me, I was there to do my job. To make money.
In our unspoken, boss/employee, good cop/bad cop routine, I was happy to take the fall.

That did not bode well for my romantic life.
I was killing it at the store, but it was crickets in the bedroom.
Great quality men have since told that they were intimidated by me. Flirting was OUT. OF. THE. QUESTION. too vulnerable. (which is hilarious, because now, I LOVE to flirt; just try to stop me)

In my world, surrounded by a sea of men…NOT ONE ever asked me out. In almost twenty years, I never dated anyone in the business.
I dated younger men because they didn’t mind my tough exterior. For some reason, I didn’t scare them.

They did all have one thing in common, every one of them had an extremely well-developed feminine side. WAAAAAAY more than me.

I actually learned a thing or two about sensitivity from them.
THAT is the kind of man who is attracted to a woman who has a highly developed masculine side.
Makes sense…

After living my thirties as a man……

I decided to soften up. To feminize.

At first it felt fake and contrived. I wore my vulnerability like a straight jacket. One size does not fit all. And, I felt like a weak suck; but I was determined to “fake it until I could make it”
Often I went overboard, as you tend to do before you swing back to the center. I know I did. Thank God there was no social media around then to capture any of that shit for posterity.

I took numerous seminars.
I drummed and chanted in all female prayer circles and sweat lodges. I laughed, cried and divulged all my secrets at weekend retreats in Big Sur.
At one evening class that was recommended by a “friend”; twelve strangers practiced nude hot yoga and were then given hand mirrors to go into a tent to look at our vagina, and report back our observations. A minor detail this friend had omitted from her endorsement of the class.

I’m pleased to report, contrary to popular belief, that NO balls reside between these legs.

For the love of all things holy……There I sat, in our discussion circle, naked and in full “church laugh” mode, (silent, with just my shoulders violently shaking) thinking this had to be, hands down, the craziest night I’d ever spent, and what a great cocktail party story this was going to make.

That is, until two women who were rape survivors spoke. That was one of those moments.

It was the start my deep ADMIRATION of women.

Year after year, my studies continued. I read SO many great and enlightening books about getting in touch with my inner Goddess. The Red Tent by Anita Diamant was one of my favorites, I read it three times….in a row.

With time, I began to soften my approach, my tone, my hair color, my clothes, EVERYTHING.
Slowly, l let my guard down. I learned to smile and even laugh at work. I have Sally and Steph to thank for that.

“A queen is wise. She has earned her serenity, not having had it bestowed on her but having passed her tests.
She has suffered and grown more beautiful because of it.
She has proved she can hold her kingdom together. She has become its vision.
She cares deeply about something bigger than herself. She rules with authentic power.”
-Marianne Williamson

Authentic power is rooted in collaboration, compromise and kindness.
The wise woman, the Queen, has authentic power. The princess, not so much.

That was the problem, I was still a girl…whose misguided thinking…led her to try to be a man.

What struggles have you felt trying to balance your male and female? What helped you to find that balance?
Please join the conversation, I’d LOVE some of your insights.

With love,
Xox

“If you settle for less you are making a powerful statement to the Universe about what you believe in.”
Leo Knighton Tallarico

Ouch. That’s harsh, but true.
I’ve written many a cautionary tale about about accepting the scraps.
My advice? Don’t you dare do it.

Everything you see in front of you started as dream, an idea or a fear.

Settling is safe, I’ll give you that, and that can be….nice. Not a lot of drama, but not much stimulation, growth or excitement either.

Settling is motivated by fear.
The fear that what you see in front of you is as good as it gets.
“Don’t take chances or try new things; you may FAIL“, fear leaves on post it notes all around your house.

“Oh yeah, this job or relationship isn’t what I’d hoped it would be and it feels like it’s run it’s course, but….”

Do you believe you can have or more importantly, DESERVE more?

Me being me, I can’t stand mediocrity, and settling feels like a whole lot of mediocre, TO ME.

There’s a great big, juicy, beautiful world out there, ripe with possibilities and filled with potential. The potential of more.

I’m not saying I go through life dissatisfied, on the contrary, gratitude for what I have in front of me has always been the springboard for change. Most days I’m even grateful for my “failures.” Most days.

It’s ironic and counterintuitive but true.
Bless what you have and where you are in life, then believe you can have more.

If you’re in a dead-end relationship with a descent guy, feeling kinda…meh; thank the Universe for the time you’ve shared and all you‘ve learned, including the fact that he’s just not right for you.

Same goes for a career. In the past we used to stay at jobs/careers for thirty, thirty five years, retire and die. There’s an epidemic of career professionals, not slackers, deciding “There must be more to life”, and having the courage to re-invent themselves in their forties and fifties and beyond.

Here’s the thing: It’s like that game we played as kids, where one person has their eyes closed as the other person lets them know how close they are to the desired object by telling them if they are “warmer or colder.”
You can let the Universe know if they are “warmer” by being grateful for the current man in your life. He’s kind and tall and loves his mom.
He may not be EXACTLY right, but damn, he’s a lot “warmer” than the last three guys you dated.
“WARMER” you yell, as you walk away.

Same game with that last job interview. It all sounded great on paper, but after meeting and getting more details it felt “COLDER.”
It may be too much like what you currently have or moving in the opposite direction of your dreams altogether.
“COLDER” you yell to the Universe as you ditch the pantyhose and loosen the ponytail.

Hey, it’s okay to yell, the Universe loves the feedback.

So….
You can continue your daily grind of dissatisfaction and living a life of subtle disappointment OR you can send a new powerful statement to the Universe about what you believe you deserve to have.
Start seeing in front of you, a life created not by fear, but by your ideas and dreams for more.

Words to the Wise:

It won’t be easy peasy. Pack lightly (no baggage allowed)

Things may move sloooooooowly at first so, bring some books on tape.

Circumstances may take sharp right turns or accelerate to super sonic speeds. Buckle up to avoid whiplash.

It won’t feel safe, boring, mundane, habitual, typical, ordinary, redundant, secure, normal, common, familiar or routine. 

If that’s what you crave, bravo…… just quit reading this right now and breathe a sigh of relief, because rest assured, your tomorrow will look exactly like your yesterday and today.

Can you think of any situations where you need to either yell “warmer” or “colder”?
Where are your circumstances showing you you’re headed, and is that enough?
I’d love to hear some of your insights in the comments.

Xox

My dad.
The enigma.

He passed in his late sixties from cancer in 2005.
Too young.

For most of my adult life we maintained an uneasy truce, where we agreed to disagree on pretty much everything.

He got a kick out of me and my sister when we were small and sang our camp songs, and wore our hair in “piggy tails.”
I loved to make him laugh.

He expected good grades, clean rooms, and no sass.
Oh well, two out of three.

His blood runs through my veins, so I know that’s where I got my work ethic, ability to fix stuff, love of science fiction, his colossal sweet tooth, temper, love of cars and driving, his goofiness, skinny legs, boney feet, blue eyes, control issues, and lack of respect for authority, and tolerance for stupid people.

I actually feel him more and have a better relationship with him now that he’s on the other side. It’s just the two of us, so it’s so much less complicated.
From that perspective, he “gets” me.

Happy Father’s Day Dad! Love you.

Xox