happiness

I would add: Humor, Courage, Personality, Selflessness, Honor, Health, Loyalty, Happiness and Sparkle*.
How about you?

xox

Some Monday morning wisdom. Self explanatory.
Take it in.
Marinate.
Let it settle –

Big love,
Xox

You ever feel like shit? I mean so bad that every “tool” in your toolbox can’t help ya? Yeah – me too.
Check this out -A Powerful Talk with my guy, Michael Neill, and his pal Ali Campbell, on just this subject.

Me love you lots,
xox

The marvelous Elizabeth Gilbert is on tour around the country with Oprah and assorted other speakers, all with a spiritual bend, and yesterday she listened to Mark Nepo who I’ve quoted a ALOT on this blog.
His answer to a question was profound and transformative.
To me it was another forehead smacker (if you know what I mean).
Here it is, according to Liz, in case you missed it. SO GOOD.

The question was about how to make peace with your own past. How to forgive, how to move on.

With that understanding, the healing began at last.

That’s genius!

I can’t tell you how many imaginary depositions I’ve compiled to prove the abandonment, injustice, rudeness, selfishness and hurt, visited on me by someone in my life.
Evidence for a trial that would never happen. A verdict never rendered. Shit.
And it never even occurred to me until I read this, that that’s what I was doing.

Haven’t you?

What a colossal waste of time. And energy.

Maybe even years wasted.

Hey, we’ve gotta let this shit GO. Agreed?

Case dismissed, not on account of the lack of evidence (oh, there’s plenty) but on lack of interest.

Let the healing begin…Amen!

xox

Are you ready to put down the gavel and dismiss the accused? Are you ready to heal?
Tell me why.

Sometimes the Universe delivers to you the hard scrabble lessons that you need in order to grow.

You can either resist or comply.
If you resist, it will revisit you, getting larger and more complicated in its delivery until you are forced to pay attention and acquiesce.

You know how I know that?
I am currently being supported by a man
Ugh………
AWKWARD (sung in high voice)

In a very deliberate attempt to be my own person and pay my own way, I got a job at sixteen, while I still lived at home.
Also, my dad made me. But that’s beside the point.
He insisted it be at Von’s supermarket, but rest assured, I would have started earning my own money at that age if it killed me.

I wanted to buy my own food (I HATED what was served at home).
I wanted to supplement my clothing budget. Sears and JC Penny’s-OUT, Bullocks Wilshire- IN.
I wanted to buy my own shampoo and make up, and get my hair cut where and when I wanted, and pay for it myself
AND
I wanted to stop taking the bus and buy a car.

Everyone in my family has a very strong work ethnic which has come in extremely handy for me, since I like money.
I like the financial freedom it gives me, and I’ll work my ass off to get it.
I’ve held two jobs at one time, with eight hours in between to sleep.
I like to spend it or give it away without explanations, excuses or apologies.

This independence has been a badge of honor I’ve worn all my life.
Hi, My name is Janet, I pay my own way.

So you can imagine how I feel at this stage of my life, mid fifties, with no job and no income stream.
I never saw this chapter coming.
It wasn’t how I’d imagined my life would be.
But hey, shit happens, right? Get over it.

I can sit around wanting things to be different, which is like trying to give a cat a bath, or I can embrace – Where. I. Am.

I’m being supported. Not by the state, or strangers, but by a man. Husband.
I hate even writing that.

My bad. My lesson to learn. Obviously.

But look how lucky I am. He is willing and able.
I would totally do it if the situation were reversed – no question about it.
I am the only one that has a problem with the arraignment.
Note to self: When shit hits the fan and you ask the Universe for help, it’s not polite to say “Oh, not THAT!”

I’m reminded of the parable about the man and the flood. 
There is a terrible flood and a man is trapped on his rooftop as he fervently prays to God to be saved.
After awhile, a boat comes by, but the man won’t get in. He’s waiting for God to save him.
Next a helicopter hovers overhead and throws down a rope. The man won’t take it. He yells up “I’m waiting to be saved by God.”
A second boat appears and still the man declines. “I’ve prayed to God and He’s going to save me”.
Soon, the man drowns and goes to Heaven. As you can imagine, he’s pissed.
When he finally sees God he exclaims, “I was praying so hard for you to save me, why did you let me down?”
To which God responds, “I sent you two boats and a helicopter, what more did you want?”

Just because what is supporting me right now feels foreign to me, doesn’t mean it’s not the answer to my prayers. As a matter of fact that’s how I KNOW it’s sent from God.

It just irked me to have to be supported.
Until I read the definition.
Supporting someone is noble and at times, necessary.
I’ve done it many times without giving it a second thought.
Being the receiver is much more difficult, but I’m starting to think that it can be just as noble a task – when your head’s in the right place. (Work in progress)

SUPPORT
sup·port
səˈpôrt/
verb
1.
bear all or part of the weight of; hold up.
produce enough food and water for; be capable of sustaining.
be capable of fulfilling (a role) adequately.
2.noun
give assistance to, especially financially; enable to function or act.
provide with a home and the necessities of life.
give approval, comfort, or encouragement to.

I’m definitely at a crossroads in my life and I’m not passive at all. I’m actively pursuing a couple of different ventures, but while I do, it’s nice to be able to eat and have a roof over my head, and believe me when I say- I have SO MUCH MORE

Yin and yang
Light and dark
Ebb and flow
This too shall pass.

What irks you right now that you KNOW is part of a bigger plan?

Love, love,
Xox

Morning Loves,
I love Ted Talks and I LOVE when I see someone have such a good time delivering one.
This is a Ted Talk and subsequent article from my new hero, Michael Neill. There are so many people out there talking about this new way of thinking, I just like his delivery SO MUCH.
So of course, I HAD to share it with you!
Great information with lots of fun and humor. Please take the time to watch or read. It’s the weekend for chrissakes.

Big mid-summer love,
xox

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xr6VawX2nr4

Michael Neill is an internationally renowned success coach and the best-selling author of The Inside Out Revolution, You Can Have What You Want, Feel Happy Now!, the Effortless Success audio program and Supercoach: 10 Secrets to Transform Anyone’s Life. He has spent the past 22 years as a coach, adviser, friend, mentor and creative spark plug to celebrities, CEOs, royalty, and people who want to get more out of their lives. His books have been translated into 13 languages, and his public talks and seminars have been well received at the United Nations and around the world

http://www.bornhappy.co/michael-neills-formula-for-happiness/

*This is reprise of a popular post from November of last year, so it will be new to many of you. Enjoy your weekend!

Standing and staring at my naked reflection in the Nordstrom’s dressing room mirror (that in its previous life was a circus fun house mirror.) I’m cringing under that hideous fluorescent lighting that is so bright you could preform neurosurgery, yet somehow, it still manages to cast perfect shadows on every lump, bump and divot my thighs possess; I suppress the urge to cry as a Cadillac sized lump forms in my throat.

I am not trying on swimsuits, although that form of torture is just as necessary an evil.
I’m standing with a pile of Spanx at my feet, racked with waves of intense vulnerability even though I’m the only one in the room. Hell, who am I kidding? I’m a tougher self critic than a thousand Joan Rivers’.

But everyone can relate to that…right?

Oh, what about singing alone on stage?
Is that vulnerable enough?
Under the unforgiving gaze of a spotlight on a pitch black stage, I’m positive everyone in the front row can see my lips trembling…
Deeeeep breath…can they smell my flop sweat?

But all of this is my own damn fault.

When spring had sprung back in 2010 and I realized, shit,
who am I now that I don’t have a job, let alone a career?

Life appeared black and white to me, drained of all color.
I fell into a funk. it was deeper than a funk actually, it was my own personal, dark swirling edie of despair.

During that long summer, I would sit at the computer in my pajamas at two in the afternoon (something I NEVER do unless I’m ridiculously ill, in which case I don’t troll the internet, I watch I LOVE LUCY reruns) and I would search the World Wide Web for something to make me happy.

I’d spend hours watching silly cat videos, and babies laughing at tearing paper.

What brings me joy? I would ask myself.
Myself thought the question was rhetorical, so it just kept putting different searches into Google.
What makes me happy, besides what I’ve done all these years?

Who AM I without that?

Singing used to make me happy, I thought one day, remembering the ancient history of that time long, long ago, before I turned 30.

MUSICAL THEATRE ADULT WORKSHOP

I had sung and done theatre from the age of about 7 until I turned 30.
That was the day I became a grown up.
Better said, it was the day I realized I wanted to live above the poverty level. I wanted to have more than $50 in my my bank account.
I wanted to see the world, AND I also realized that if I worked as long and hard at something else, Anything else, I could be a success.
So I did, and I was.

Cut to: 
20ish years later, 
no store,
No career,
Epic debt,
What’s a girl to do?

I decide to sing again.
Cause THAT’S what people in dark swirling eddies of despair do.
They make GREAT decisions AND they break into song.

I hadn’t sung a note since quitting all those years ago, my husband, having met me in my 40’s, didn’t even know that side of me.

But the fear that came up when I thought of getting back on stage, was different than the fear I had been experiencing around the loss of the store.
It felt familiar, like an old friend somehow.

And the pounding of my heart and the stage fright,they brought me back to life.

So I hit SEND on the application, and left it up to the Universe.

Six months later, as a Christmas present, I got an email back.
They were doing CHICAGO, and was I still interested?
Hell NO! CHICAGO!!! Really!?
I can’t dance, and I hadn’t sung since Jesus was a boy.
And those skimpy little costumes? I’m over fifty.
NO WAY!
FORGET IT Universe. Nice try. Jeez.
I just want to ease back in, stick out my toe, not dive off the deep end.

Above is a picture my talented sister took during the show.
That’s me in the middle, I’m Velma.
So…you’re starting to get me now huh?
I can’t do anything half way. When I jump…I jump!
See that woman?

No more black and white, back to a Technicolor life.
That’s a picture of me, Janet, finding her bliss.

*much love to Amanda,Jules,Mark and Jeremy for their immense talent and endless patience

Pain can only feed on pain. Pain cannot feed on joy. It finds it quite indigestible.
~Eckhart Tolle~

You will touch joy and suddenly realize that you have never felt joy because it requires abandon. It grows from gratitude and cannot exist where there is mad cynicism or distrust.
You will touch this joy and you will suddenly know it is what you were looking for your whole life, but you were afraid to even acknowledge the absence because the hunger for it was so encompassing. 

—Eve Ensler, In the Body of the World

Loose your fear and touch joy today…..Happy Sunday!
Xox

You want to make ten million bucks? Have at it.
You want to be the next Mother Theresa? Cool.
You want to live at the top of Kilimanjaro in seclusion? That’s fine too.

We get down on ourselves for the life we want. WTH?!
It’s okay to want what you want.

Some of us feel bad for not wanting the white picket fence and 2.5 children.
Those that have it, feel bad because they should want a big job and a sexier life.
We’re all afraid that what we want is too much…….or not enough.

The people that want the house on the beach in Tulum never say it out loud, for fear of getting laughed at. “Oh sure, don’t we all!” no, not everyone. But there are some that DO have the Tulum house and the first step was being ok with wanting it.

At 27 years old, Richard Branson took his girlfriend on a weekend excursion.
He wanted to impress her. He was pretending to buy an island.
It was a perfectly remote, completely deserted tropical paradise. As part of the charade, he made a ridiculously low offer, and that was that.
Well……I’m sure he got lucky that night.
A year later the real estate agent called him with this unexpected news: “All the other offers on the island have fallen through, if you can up your offer to $125,000- you can have it.” Of course he bought it. He wanted it. He eventually developed it into his private paradise, Necker Island.
He even married her there.
That man has no shame, and I love him for it.
He knows: It’s okay to want what you want.

My husband’s mother was in her fifties when she sold everything. All her worldly possessions. Every carefully curated collection, tchotchke and piece of furniture. She condensed her life into two suitcases and moved to Europe, where she traveled extensively, living with friends in Spain, Germany and Austria. She lived very simply and very happily.
I never met her, but from all accounts she was extraordinary. She lived life on HER terms.
I think because she came to the point in her life where she believed: it’s okay to want what you want.

We can get so preoccupied with second guessing ourselves. We judge what we want our life to be as silly, or extravagant.
Too simple, or overindulgent.
Instead, we live on the default setting, where we watch our list of unacknowledged wants circle the drain.

You want to quit your job and travel?
You want to quit corporate and run a non-profit?
You want to work hard and play hard?
You want lots of kids and a big family?
You want to be a full time mother?
You want to live in a flat in London for a year?
You want to speak Italian…fluently?
You want to take a luva?

It’s okay to want what you want. OWN IT.

Do you go for what you want, or judge it? Tell me in the comments, I’d love to hear about it!

Xox

Hi All,
So here’s the thing. While I was being a slug on the couch Friday night, my husband inquired as to my plans for Saturday afternoon. Seems after reading my post about the kite
http://theobserversvoice.com/2014/04/02/go-fly-a-kite/
He went on Amazon, bought me a kite and researched the places within a thirty mile radius of our home with optimal wind conditions.
Is your mouth hanging open like mine was?
Just that he continues to read my blog gives him so many husband extra credit points, then to actually decipher the emotional content….
So yesterday we actually woke up to a blue sky, breezy day, drove to a perfect little park in Silverlake, and for the first time in 40 years, I flew a kite. I still can’t wipe the smile off my face.
Happy Sunday!

XoxJanet