Steve Jobs said: You can’t connect the dots looking forward – only backwards. Today it appears that everything I chose to study played a key role in my life and business success. Maybe it was destiny? I prefer to think it was the power of a generalist education helping me pull together disparate areas of knowledge to build a business.
I’m writing this for all the kids getting their college admission/rejection letters right about now, my nephew included. Pretend you dug up a time capsule in your backyard, and this was inside…from your future self. I wish I’d left this for me.
Many of us are under the mistaken impression that there is only one way to the top of the mountain. That mountain being happiness/success. By the way, they are not mutually exclusive as some in the spiritual community might have you to believe.
That is old, dusty, musty, crusty thinking. That is SO 1978.
My father drilled into us kids that finding a job, preferably in his profession, and then staying there 45 years until retirement, was THE way to go. That’s what his father did, and what he and his brother emulated. Lots of hard work and long hours, with little time for family, would lead to your rise up the rungs of the company ladder, and who could ask for a better life?
Uh…all three of us kids? Much to his disappointment. That was SO 1952.
It is not uncommon today for someone to change jobs, especially in the tech fields, every 18-24 months. Things be a movin’ and a shakin’.
My father is doing cartwheels in his grave.
You know what he thought of people like that? “Jack of all trades, master of none.”
That was SO 1960.
What about this little nugget. It is imperative that anyone who wants to succeed in life get a college degree.
Haven’t we ALL heard that? Guess who didn’t finish college?
Mark Zuckerberg, Bill Gates, and my buddy, Steve Jobs. I can call him that, because he has a seat at my imaginary round table. More on that another time.
Most entrepreneurs get bored and annoyed with school. They are also terrible employees. They can be fuck-ups early on, later maturing into great leaders.
The schools that give them honorary degrees and invite them to give commencement addresses, would not admit them as students today.
I’m not advocating dropping out, I’m just sayin’…
The average net worth of billionaires who dropped out of college, $9.4 billion, is approximately triple that of billionaires with Ph.D.s, $3.2 billion. Even if one removes Bill Gates, who left Harvard University and is now worth $66.0 billion, college dropouts are worth $5.3 billion on average, compared to those who finished only bachelor’s degrees, who are worth $2.9 billion. According to a recent report from Cambridge-based Forrester Research, 20% of America’s millionaires never attended college.
~Wikipedia~
So that kinda blows that theory to hell.
Check out the big brain on Janet, with all the statistics. 😉
Thank you copy/paste.
What Steve (Jobs) was insinuating in the quote at the top, was that the more well rounded individuals may have a leg up on the one way mountain climbers.
They definitely have more fun on the way up. The student that graduates at the top of his class may not end up being as successful as the guy voted: Most likely to live in a van, down by the river.
If you study music, it can facilitate a career in mathematics and physics.
Theatre arts backgrounds help with public speaking and group leadership skills.
Foreign travel aids in resiliency, problem solving, risk taking and general “up for anythingness.”
Being artistic and learning other languages forms new neuro pathways that keep the brain elastic, open to new concepts and creatively innovative.
That is a generalist education. Knowledge in many fields.
So kids, those of us in our 40’s ,50’s and 60’s that were the theatre geeks, the artsy fartsy, free thinking, good with our hands, crafty, able to take stuff apart and put it back together and have it work better than the original, (I’m talking to you, Jim). We paved the way, with Steve, for the appreciation of a generalist education as a stepping stone to success.
You’re welcome.
Tell me about your road to success and happiness. Was it a straight line?
Did you take detours along the way that helped? Please, start a conversation in the comments below.
XoxJanet
According to astrologists, we are in for quite a ride the next two weeks. To me the energy feels like a speedball. It either makes me shaky and speedy, like 10 cups of high octane Italian espresso or so sleepy I’m afraid to drive or operate heavy machinery, like my sonic care toothbrush.
Things feel incredibly tense, there could be some back biting and sharp tongues.
Maybe that’s just at my house.
Regardless, they’ll be lots of revisiting of painful situations for healing. Lots of clearing out and letting go…you know, April. April, for me, has always been a “mutha” of a month. Powerful change, ego adjustments, clearing, break ups, deaths…all the fun stuff I can’t stand.
“There can be a deep shift or psychological adjustment to an old, sad emotional space in your soul today. Work with any power struggles to help shift the energy.”
AnneOrtelee-
Oh goodie.
That was one of the tidbits from the highlight reel of my life for the next two weeks.
After taking in all this doom and gloom information, I decided to just “be advised” and go on with life as usual. I will try to breathe through the shit, and lend a hand to those that get stuck in it. That someone could be me, so I decided to wear my waders.
Here’s what has happened so far this week; It’s Wednesday….Yeah.
Three years ago, with the demise of my store, and all the legal hassles that followed, while we were negotiating the rent settlement with the landlord, he put a lien on our home. Total asshat move and just another lesson learned while swimming with the sharks. Once all the judgements were satisfied, I wanted the lien removed. ASAP. I heard nothing. I would periodically email, or ask my attorney the status, but to be honest here, when I didn’t get the paperwork or hear back, I feared I would have to take more legal action, and I just wasn’t up to it. Swimming with sharks is exhausting and demoralizing and I needed a rest.
It has been two years now, and it’s been hanging over my head. You know, that thing that you know you HAVE to do, but the thought of it makes you sorry you’re a grown up and you feel like you want to puke?
So I composed another email to the principal asshat. The one that I’ve had the hardest time forgiving. I squirmed through the whole process. It was short and to the point: Remove the lien from my home…Now…Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter.
He waited a few days, and yesterday sent all the paperwork and PDF’s that showed he had done it the day I asked; years ago. My less than competent lawyer never filed it with the county. Note to self: Lawyers on contingency are always busy with the paying clients. My case was filed under “small potatoes” and treated as such, buried in dirt….we’ll label that Lesson #1124.
So with a bit of minor paper shuffling, I AM DONE WITH THAT.
That sad, sucky situation has been revisited…and cleared. What a freaking relief.
So that was the high yesterday. The low happened in the afternoon.
Our little four month old Boxer-shark puppy had been acting lethargic for a couple of days. We tried to cover our glee with concern. She was docile and mellow, and it was heaven, but it wasn’t right. She stayed home with me yesterday, just sleeping and re enacting the deathbed scene from “Terms of Endearment.” Big sad eyes, stoically smiling through her pain. At 3pm I became the mother from that movie, when suddenly I had to rush her to the vet. She had woken up limp and shaking, and unable to walk on her left leg. I drove the three miles to the Vet in two and a half minutes, yelling back at her limp, sad face to hold on. Once there, I found out our little tripod was running a very high fever. They couldn’t see much in the X-rays. They couldn’t explain the high fever. So…to the specialist we went. My husband, who loves dogs more than people, joined me, and we rushed her, in rush hour, to the Spendy Vet. Spendy Vet is where you go at 3am, or drive a hundred miles an hour to get to. It costs minimum $500 to walk in the door, and it means you have a very sick animal.
We had done this exact drive to this exact facility in 2007 with our old boxer girl Penelope. She just started one day to have horrible seizures. Pancreatitis was suspected…go see the specialists. We took her for tests, and the next day, when we went to visit her, we were told the prognosis was so bleak, we had no choice but to put her down. It was so unexpected and traumatic. I’ll never forget it. Either will my husband. He told me on the drive over yesterday, that he purposely avoids that section of Sepulveda Blvd, because he can’t stand to see that building. The wound is still too fresh. And here we are, on our way there, with our sick baby puppy.
We were only there an hour total and the situation couldn’t have been more different than before. Yes, she was really sick, but they assured us, she was so young and going to be fine. Everyone was petting her and kissing her, and the doctor owned boxers, so he received my husbands seal of approval. Which is very hard to come by. When they called early this morning, her fever had broken and she was in all her wild puppiness once again.
So, we revisited a VERY sad and painful situation, going back to the scene of the crime, so to speak, and had a completely different and actually lovely outcome.
Maybe my husband can stop his self inflicted detours and drive past that building now. That’s a huge healing.
If this is what the energy is bringing, I think I can do this. So far so good. It does feel like a speeding train and I want to put my big Fred Flintstone foot out and slow this puppy down. But that’s highly unadvisable.
These are yucky, sucky, sticky, painful situations that needed clearing. It feels shitty, until you get to the other side. Easy for me to say today, let’s see what happens the next two weeks.
Hey, nice thing is; we’re all in this together.
Are you revisiting your own painful situations for clearing? How is this big energy affecting you? I’d love to hear about it in the comments below.
XoxJanet
As I’m out and about these days, asking questions and being my nosey self,
the topic that keeps coming up has been about trying to maintain or salvage difficult, morphing friendships.
And by difficult, I mean the ones that have become almost impossible to pursue due to the other party’s jackassery. You, of course, have been the best friend imaginable. Right?
What’s the best way to react when a friend you really care about starts to move on? Emotionally and/or physically? Is it wise to be angry and demand their participation? What about begging? I’ll answer that one. For chrissakes, don’t beg. Have a little self respect. Jeez. I say that because I’m hearing about it, watching it happen, and I’ve done it. Let them go. Did you see Bridesmaids?
Transition is harder for some of us than others. Holding on to a friendship by the ankles, doesn’t show love or devotion. It shows fear of change and….desperation. There, I said it. I’ve mentioned it before in the blog, but here it is again. A therapist once admonished me: Janet, you don’t just love, you take hostages. Be careful with that.
So I know a bit about the subject. It applied to men and girlfriends.
And I’ve worked really hard at letting things transition. The natural ebb and flow of relationships. I learned to observe a friend’s behavior. If they stopped coming around or calling, I would check in to make sure they were alive, and if everything checked out and they remained MIA, I would give the relationship space. Yes, it hurt my feelings. Hurt feeling are survivable.
The good friendships are fluid, filled with liquid respect. There are no harsh words, ultimatums or judgements leveled. They move away, then return, just like the tide, even years later it can seem like not a day has passed.
With girlfriends, when one of them gets into a serious relationship, they may not be available as much on the weekends. It kinda sucks, because us girls will be there when he’s long gone, and she should be able to accommodate both, but we’ve all been there, on both ends, I’m sure.
It’s the same when good friends get in with another group of people and (gasp) hang with them, instead of us. Traitor. Do you go into heavy pursuit, calling and texting relentlessly or do you let the thing play out. She’ll be back. She’ll miss your general awesomeness, and the fact that you know her backstory…and you still love her.
THEY are just acquaintances, you are her friend.
Sadly, some friendships do just fade away. One or both parties have changed, and the things you had in common have dwindled. Do you applaud a friend’s changes, or do you challenge them, wanting everything to go back to the way it was? They may need to catch up to you, or visa versa and that can really sting, especially if you’ve been friends for a long time. But my advise is the same: observe and give it space and time. If there is a real connection, you’ll be able to pick things up. Easily. If not, well then, it was bound to end.
Friendships are a two way street.
They’re not a game of solitaire.
Don’t let these friendship adjustments close you down. Put yourself out there and make a few new ones. It’s hard, and you won’t want to do it, but that has saved me.
When all my friends AND my sister had babies, everything changed for me. I wasn’t in Mommy and Me, and even though I spent many an afternoon in Chuck E Cheese, I just wasn’t in the mommy club.
So, I made an effort to make new friends. Friends that could go to the movies, be spontaneous, maybe go to Palm Springs for the weekend. I had to, I was tired of being a single, childless, sad sack.
After a few years, I was able to blend the two groups. The mommies were coming out of their jet lag level fatigue, and they wanted to have some girlfriend time. Just like now. The empty nesters all want to come out and play again. I’m thrilled. No grudges held here. Just nights of wine and lots of snort laughs. Damn, it’s hard to believe these crazy bitches are someone’s mother!
My advise? Let your friend go, and when that door closes, don’t nail it shut. Your friend may be back. She’ll be the wiser and richer for leaving and your friendship will only benefit.
Tell me, has a friendship changed for you recently? How are you handling it?
I’d love to hear about it in the comments below.
If you’ve done it well and have some tips, I’d love to hear that too!
Xox Janet
What are you like when you enter a relationship? From personal to professional? Do you put your best food forward? The one with the impeccable pedicure and the Gucci sandals? Only to reveal your other side once that perfect foot is in the door?
You know, the callused hoof with nails like a sloth, stuffed inside Uggs? Is that fair? Did you misrepresent?
I had 14 pairs of gorgeous matching bras and panties back in the day. They were all flowers and lace, smelled like lavender and wrapped in tissue paper. I had them in order, from first date, to seduction, to weekend trip away together. I would rotate them until the deal was sealed. Until we were a couple, which meant that I had an automatic date on Saturday night. After that, what the poor guy saw were the tan cotton Haines, white granny panties, or tattered old G strings. With a plain black bra. No more pretty, frilly, matchy, matchy.
TMI? Nope. Just TM…Total misrepresentation!
Our stepmother was all platinum cotton candy hair, false eyelashes and kind, loving, nurturing words. Glenda the good witch.
Until our father married her. The last champagne glass hadn’t been cleared when she demonstrated her true nature. Out came the pointy black hat while she cackled her admission of hating children. My brother, sister and I gulped and waved as she rode around the room on her broomstick. “This is gonna suck.”
My dad just looked bewildered as he realized he had been sold a bill of goods. Total misrepresentation.
I had a friend in the eighties who lied to get a managerial position. He had never managed anyone, anywhere, anyhow. Day one he realized he was in WAY over his head when he was ushered into a large boardroom for introductions and to lead the Monday morning sales meeting. He excused himself to “get his briefcase”, commando crawled to the elevator, jumped in his car and raced to the nearest bar and got shitfaced.
Total misrepresentation.
Why does that happen? Can’t we be who we REALLY are and get what we want?
Why do we only wear the good undies in the beginning, lie to get the wrong job, imply we love children when we don’t? When we misrepresent, we start off the whole relationship on the sloth foot; in disguise.
I’ve had it happen to me, and I felt mislead and disappointed.
Realistically, we can’t show ALL our warts at the start, but couldn’t we be the BEST versions of our flawed selves? Like warts with a bit of concealer?
After all, no one’s perfect. I know that to be true!
So I’d advise that we all be our magnificent, perfectly imperfect selves.
Wear normal clean underwear on dates. He knows he’s not dating a Victoria Secret model, he likes the sensible girl.
Please don’t tell Mr Right you love his kids when you don’t. That’s just wrong on so many levels. They’ll be a guy who’s a better fit for you. I promise.
Try not to exaggerate your accomplishments on your resume. We all do, I know.
But if you’ve never skydived, don’t say you have. THAT will be a very hard one to get yourself out of.
Let’s not misrepresent. Be patient. All the right everything will come along.
XoxJanet
Have you misrepresented yourself? Even just a little bit? How did it work out? Tell me in the comments below
Hi All,
So here’s the thing. While I was being a slug on the couch Friday night, my husband inquired as to my plans for Saturday afternoon. Seems after reading my post about the kite
http://theobserversvoice.com/2014/04/02/go-fly-a-kite/
He went on Amazon, bought me a kite and researched the places within a thirty mile radius of our home with optimal wind conditions.
Is your mouth hanging open like mine was?
Just that he continues to read my blog gives him so many husband extra credit points, then to actually decipher the emotional content….
So yesterday we actually woke up to a blue sky, breezy day, drove to a perfect little park in Silverlake, and for the first time in 40 years, I flew a kite. I still can’t wipe the smile off my face.
Happy Sunday!
XoxJanet
“Whenever you become anxious or stressed, outer purpose has taken over, and you lost sight of your inner purpose. You have forgotten that your state of consciousness is primary, all else secondary.”
~Eckhart Tolle~
Man, can you feel it? There’s a LOT of drama out there.
It’s like the Shakespeare Festival has staked its tent and all the players are acting out their melodrama…inside OUR lives. Crazy has come to town.
It feels not only national, but global…even Cosmic.
Lots of amped up solar activity lately. March even spit us an X class solar flare on its way out. I blame everything wonky on solar flares. Computer goes down, car won’t start, dog poops in the house.
“I call it! Solar flare!” From bad TV reception, to cranky pants postal workers, to epic fly away hair and static electricity. I went to pet the dog last night and produced an electrical arc that would have made Tesla proud. “Solar flare!”
If you think that full moons bring out the crazies, I betcha twenty bucks solar flares are worse.
Mother Earth is even rattled for Pete’s sake. It’s rockin’ and rolllin’, and keeping us all guessing. “They” even say that the 8.2 in Chile was not “The Big One”. “They” are not helping. “They” need be run out-of-town with torches and pitchforks. Kidding. But seriously people, you don’t know ANYTHING for sure. Pipe down or soon everyone in Chile and California will be sleeping in the park.
Oh yeah, Crazy loves to camp.
Driving is especially insane these days. On the freeway this morning, there must have been an accident every mile and a half.
People are short-tempered and stressed, and that makes them drive really fast while texting, eating an Egg McMuffin and putting on mascara.
I’d tell you it’s safer to fly, but…honest to God, where’s that freaking Malaysian plane?
The energy seems to be crackling with chaos and turmoil. So how do we stay above the fray? How do we not get caught up in all this drama? Especially when the majority of it doesn’t even belong to us?
1) TURN OFF CNN.
2) Breathe and stay in the moment. Someone’s got to keep a cool head.
Don’t worry about what “could” happen. Breathe and stay in the moment.
If the Earth opens up and swallows your neighbor’s house…breathe and stay in the moment.
If the car next to you swerves and flips on it’s back. Breathe and stay in the moment.
3) Keep a cool head. Stay grounded. It’s not your shit. Help out.
Be one of the people who stays calm and carries on. We need you.
If it’s not happening to you directly, breathe and stay in the moment so you can be of assistance.
If YOUR house is hit by an asteroid, you know what I’m gonna say:
Breathe and stay in the moment.
Then grab the dog and run.
XoxJanet
How crazy is it where you are?
How do you stay grounded? Or do you? I want to hear about it in the comments below.
<p>
PUNISHMENT
pun·ish·ment
ˈpəniSHmənt/
noun
1. The infliction or imposition of a penalty as retribution for an offense.
“crime demands just punishment”
synonyms: penalizing, punishing, disciplining
Are you a punisher?
I was…I have been…so I guess I am.
I’ve withheld sex after a fight. That’s a classic.
I’ve withheld my attention when I’ve felt misunderstood.
I’ve given the silent treatment, which to some was actually a reward, so I stopped.
I’d venture to guess we’ve all got a little of the punisher inside us.
I’m not passive aggressive, I’m actively aggressive. I do not shy away from confrontation. To me, passive aggression is a form of punishment. You say everything’s okay, when you think it’s not. You avoid direct confrontation, then pout, procrastinate, or fail to complete the task you were asked to do. Ugh! Don’t punish everyone. Just say no next time.
When I’ve punished, I’ve felt unheard or misunderstood, so I didn’t feel like rewarding that behavior with my time, attention or affection.
Disappointment is the worst. “I will make you pay!”
“You get no Janet love!”
But what made me think that bad behavior would get me my desired results? Again, it is a false sense of power, who’s unstable foundation is fear and insecurity. There’s so many of those, and they wamboozel us. Remember ultimatums?
http://theobserversvoice.com/2014/03/20/youre-not-the-boss-of-me/
What made me think I could be a bitch to you, and THAT would make you do what I ask…or want me more?
I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say it stems from my childhood. (Gasp)
[Cue the cheesy organ music from the old soap operas]
I’m certain I saw it as a child. The silent treatment. We screwed up and mom’s not talking to us. Uh oh.
“Where did we ever get the crazy idea that in order to make children do better, first we have to make them feel worse? Think of the last time you felt humiliated or treated unfairly. Did you feel like cooperating or doing better?”
― Jane Nelsen
Right?! I’ve REALLY grasped that concept as I’ve reached my 50’s. No need for public humiliation. No need to “find fault.” Ohhhh that’s another one. I had a boss, that when something went wrong; before we problem solved and tried to fix it, we had to all stand there and figure out whose fault it was. All two, maybe three of us.
Jeez.
Mistakes are made, people mess up, feelings get hurt, stuff gets broken (sorry mom) and now I for one, will be trying my damnedest to hang up my punisher hat.
You know, the one with the bright red: “I’m always right” on the front.
How about you?
XoxJanet
Are you a punisher? Do you know someone who is? I’ve confessed, Don’t leave me hangin’
Let me know in the comments below.
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