I’ve recently been bombarded by the realization that
I NEED A MENTOR
I’m guessing it’s because I’m at this crossroads in my life,
letting go of what I’ve been used to, my career as a jeweler and antique dealer,
and beginning to get real about devoting more and more time,
Well…basically…my life…to this new endeavor.
Here’s the tricky part.
I have NO idea WHAT that looks like!!
And…do you hear that sound?
That’s the sound of my feet dragging!
Remember me writing about not being good at some things?
Well, this is one of them.
I have NO idea how to go about reinventing myself.
None.
Nada.
So the idea, suggestion, kick in the head from the Universe lately has been
call in an expert,
Get a Mentor!
Someone who has walked this path, has some guidance to offer,
and will help get my ass going in the right direction.
So….I meditated on that, and low and behold,
one of my favorite spiritual websites,
is offering a Mack Daddy mentoring program!
There was an extensive online questionnaire to fill out,
so that I, the potential mentoree,
could give them a sense of what I hoped to achieve,
and also to translate the gibberish in my head into the written word.
To say I’m confused is an understatement.
My brain, where this subject is concerned, should be put into the witness protection program, far away, so as not to cause even MORE trouble.
The perfectly crafted questions where designed to give them a sense of me,
and for me to give them the reasons why I thought I should be considered for their program.
They are picking 9 people out of hundreds, maybe even thousands.
I hesitated a minute before I hit “send” and then the minute I did, I wanted to
somehow yank it back out of cyber space, feet dragging behind me.
A week or so later was a 15 minute follow up telephone interview.
Where I kinda had fun with the questionnaire,
I actually got nervous before the phone call.
Because… part of me turned into an eleven year old, and I wanted them to love me.
I wanted to answer all the questions with great wit and charm, say all the right things and be so incredibly engaging that an hour would go by and neither of us would notice because we were laughing at how much we had in common, and what a great addition I’d make to the team, and “oh hell, we don’t need to think about this, you’re in”!
It was the same feeling I had on blind dates when I was younger.
Then I got smart.
I realized that HE had to dazzle ME!
I needed to make sure HE was a good fit.
I could only be me, as authentic as possible,
then I had to pay attention and see what the guy had to offer.
So I approached the interview the same way.
I want a mentor, but it’s going to have to be a good fit.
I’ve already been turned down by one woman and I admire her for that.
She wants me to continue to write and send them to her and she’ll know if it’s right.
I like that!
I know I have a lot to offer, I’m not broken, I just need some direction.
Even while I’m waiting to hear back,
I’m going to continue “dating” potential mentors.
and I Know the right one will show up.
This worked pretty good when I was looking for a husband,
He “saw” me,
he “got” me,
and as much as I wanted to dazzle him,
he out sparkled me by a mile!
And that’s when I knew it was right.
“Every positive change–every jump to a higher level of energy and awareness–involves a rite of passage. Each time to ascend to a higher rung on the ladder of personal evolution, we must go through a period of discomfort, of initiation. I have never found an exception.”
~Dan Millman~
I’m not good at EVERYTHING!
And I’m trying to be okay with that!
Recently trying to navigate the healthcare system,
searching plans, making sure I’m comparing apples with apples,
I was sure my head was going to explode!
I felt the same way with all details of forming a trust,
and basically all legalese reads like Pig Latin to me.
As long as I’m at it, I will admit that many functions on my
computer, and even my phone, are lost on me.
I do NOT belong to the generation that came in MP3 ready.
My typing style is still hunt and peck,
I text with my forefinger, not my thumbs,
and I use capitols and (get ready for it)
Punctuation!
Here are a few other things I struggle with:
Remembering birthdays,
I try so hard every year, yet I fail sometimes.
So, happy belated birthday,
You know who you are.
Directions,
my husband has a joke, (which he thinks is hilarious, and I never laugh at).
That if I walk out a door and turn right, which I always do with great conviction,
He KNOWS our destination is to the left!
Cooking,
I’m just adequate. My sister can make even a PB & J a work of art!
The bread is toasted to perfection, the peanut butter is at room temp and perfectly
salted, and the jelly is like nectar of the gods! Ugh…
Small talk,
Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE to talk…just not with people I don’t know!
And, I don’t even have being an introvert as an excuse.
I’m an extrovert, so I will walk directly into the center of a room,
and then freeze, with a dumb ass smile on my face,
waiting for someone to come talk to ME!
Talking and driving,
I can talk, or I can drive, I can’t do both well.
If we have an amazingly intimate and insightful conversation, and I’m driving,
we will pass our exit, I can guarantee it.
We will probably end up in Mexico.
Alas, I cannot dance.
Not even a little bit.
I can “move” to the music, but remembering steps and synchronizing with other people?
Definitely a challenge!
What has happened as I’ve gotten older, is that I’ve realized this:
There are things that I excel at. Many of them.
I could make a list of those too…but I won’t now.
Because the REAL issue is embracing the fact that
those things mentioned above, and there are others,
Are just NEVER going to be in my wheelhouse!
No amount of research, practice or even prayer is going to
make me better at those things!
And you know what?
That’s what makes ME…ME!
And I’m okay with that!
I even can laugh about it now!
What about you?
What have you made peace with being terrible at?
Xox Janet
“The dangers of life are infinite, and among them is safety.”
– Goethe
I hope you’re old enough to remember having an Etch a Sketch.
If not, get off my blog!
Because none of my ancient references will make any sense to you
unless you’re an anthropologist studying the 20th century.
I remember when telephones were attached by wires to the wall,
TV was in black and white,
and there was no Internet! Gasp!
Anyway…an Etch a Sketch is a prehistoric toy, about the size of an iPad.
You turn two knobs at the bottom to “draw” with black lines
and you shake it to erase the screen in order to start over.
I found it profoundly frustrating because it only draws in straight lines and right angles.
At least for me.
I have seen that some people were able to draw the Mona Lisa.
I’m still sure somehow, they cheated.
The analogy I’m trying to make here, is that after many years of turning the knobs
and through a series of straight lines and right angles, I got my little black and white picture just so. Then…
Someone Shook The Etch a Sketch!!!
And my masterpiece is gone, for good!
Actually, it seems someone has shaken the global, maybe even cosmic
Etch a Sketch, and we all get a “do over”!
Now, that feels better to some than others.
We all get really invested in all the time and energy our black and white
masterpieces required of us!
We were able to overcome the frustration at only using straight lines,
and right angles.
We lowered our expectations a bit.
Maybe WE were not the ones that could draw the Mona Lisa, and that was…okay.
But after the shock of the shake ;-). Heehee
I think everyone, myself included, has started to embrace the empty slate.
I for one, am going to take my time.
I’m going to read the instructions for once,
and learn to draw circles, and loopty loops, and set the thing on COLOR!
I doubt I’ll be able to draw a Mona Lisa, but that’s alright,
I want my masterpiece to wear glitter and false eyelashes,
And a real smile!
How about you? What are you going to draw now that you get a “do over”?
XoxJanet
Instead of a problem that needs a solution,
I’m changing my approach.
I now want to summon the Universe to help with
A question that seeks an answer or
A desire to be fulfilled.
That is how I choose to steer my life!
Because really, doesn’t the Universe just need a break from all the heavy lifting?
It must get SO old always being called at the eleventh hour to put out my fires!
And don’t sit there in your smug and insinuate that I’m the only one!
Ha! You rapscallions!
You must agree that it is long past time to graduate from the status of
Universal troublemakers, creating problems that propel us to move from point A to point B.
Instead, I’m leaning more toward Universal creator,
Someone who comes up with a series of juicy “what if’s”? for the Universe to ponder.
The brushstrokes are broader,
There’s still forward movement,
Life’s much more interesting,
Nixing the drama,
There’s a lot less crash and burn.
The ultimate will be Universal dreamer.
I’ll dial up a desire, and BAM!
Like a genie from the bottle,
The Universe appears!
My wish is their command!
As the process is refining itself,
So am I.
Fewer nights of worry and woe,
Many more days of yeah!! and whoa!!
You did not come to this Earth now to just pay bills, follow rules, watch your body age, and live a random life. You came here to fulfill a purpose, to live your life alive, to view all your changes as sacred meaningful soul passages
From Leo at perspectives From the Sky blog
Here are just a few of the things I’m grateful for,thankful for and appreciate!
My health
My hubby (he’s a saint)
I’m at a quandary here, I don’t want to put my beloved dog before
my husband, or after my family…she IS family, so..
My family (which includes my dog)
My amazing friends
My friend Eva’s inspirational recovery
The fact that I live in Los Angeles California, USA.
The fact that I can write this blog without fear of reprisals or repercussions (except maybe occasional embarrassment)
Chocolate ( I know it’s high on the list, don’t judge)!
Our motorcycle trips
Singing
The smell of Christmas trees
Driftwood
Laughing, love humor, love to laugh
Airplane travel, all travel really
Red nail polish, well…all nail polish
Mascara and lipstick while I’m at it ( still judging)?
Movies ( I love the surround sound and the big screen)
Rainy days
The color blue
Peanut butter (chunky of course)!
Lazy Sunday afternoons reading
My garden (nature in general)
White twinkle lights
The smell in the house on Thanksgiving!
Let me hear some of yours!
Happy Thanksgiving!
XoxJanet
I’m beginning to realize that all these posts on forgiveness are going to come in handy for the upcoming holidays and their familial entanglements.
Thanksgiving in the US can be brutal because of all the Norman Rockwellian
expectations.
Unfortunately, what we imagine as warm and fuzzy, can quickly turn cold and prickly.
Even though everyone at the table is somehow related, dinner etiquette can morph
into a kind of blood sport.
Back handed compliments and thinly veiled sarcasm abound, and it’s just not Thanksgiving, if somebody doesn’t cry.
Put tons of carbohydrates, lots of judgement, a dash of shame, with a pumpkin pie chaser and voila!
Hilarity ensues!
NOT!
When you put together people that only sit in the same room once a year, there isn’t enough alcohol on the planet to keep you in “that loving place”.
It can turn into a real numb-fest.
The carbs numb you down,
The booze,
The sugar,
The football,
The sour cream onion dip,
Yes, you heard me!
It all numbs you down, so you can smile and remain polite,
making sure that everyone lives to see another holiday.
But let’s all remember that everyone has the highest of intentions
when they pull up the driveway.
And each year can be a fresh start.
When you make forgiveness the first course,
knowing that everyone is just doing the best they can,
it makes the rest of the day play out differently.
My family is loving, relatively sane, and really quite civil now.
I think that’s because we’re all so damn old!
The last time we served crazy for Thanksgiving was during the Reagan
administration.
Gone are the comments that are meant to be funny…but aren’t,
followed by that uncomfortable silence.
Still…let’s all practice forgiveness,
try to operate from the heart, remembering the true intention of this day.
Take a deep breath,
And listen with love as our well intentioned aunt tells us how much she dislikes our new haircut.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Xox Janet
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