“Boredom is the basement in the house of change.”
This post throws us all the way back to the end of 2015 but it feels more timely now than ever. Do we as women wait for things to implode in our lives before we make a change? Do we march our butts down to the basement where the dryer drowns out the whisper of discontent and fold socks, or do we pay attention to this soft whisper from the basement and make it our clarion call to change?
I would urge you to listen for the call.
xox
I just spent the day writing an article about getting divorced at twenty-six for a series on divorce at all ages.
I called it I Was A Twenty-Six Year Old Divorced Unicorn because that was how…um…unusual I felt at the time.
You see, my ex-husband wasn’t a troll. He wasn’t a bad guy in any way. We just weren’t a good match. But you need more than that as grounds for divorce. Right? I mean, how was I to know we weren’t a match that could pass the test of time when I married him at the tender age of twenty?
By twenty-six I was desperately unhappy. Like can’t eat, can’t sleep unhappy.
Today I searched for the one word to describe how I felt at the time. At twenty-six I was not able to articulate exactly what I wanted and what I felt was missing. All I knew was that in my heart of hearts—I wanted more.
More than this relationship.
More than this husband.
More than this “until death do us part” commitment that was feeling more like a prison sentence than a wedding vow.
That’s when it suddenly hit me. Greedy. I felt greedy. On paper, I had so much. Everything. What all my girlfriends were clamoring for.
Greed instead of gratitude one friend scolded.
What the fuck was wrong with me?
“You want more? More than what?” my dad had asked barely hiding his disgust upon hearing that I wanted a divorce. “He’s a great guy and a good provider. What more could you possibly want? It doesn’t seem like anyone can make you happy!”
He was right about that. That was my job, only I didn’t know it at the time.
I only knew that something profoundly wonderful was missing and that I wasn’t able or willing to settle.
So that made me feel greedy. And greedy felt wrong.
Other people settle. Why can’t I?
Believe me, when I say, it would have been so much easier to just stay married!
“I’m a freakin’ unicorn! An anomaly; and NO ONE understands or knows what to make of me!”
Once I was single, I found out guys didn’t want to date a twenty-six-year-old divorcee. Used goods. High maintenance.
Typical First Date Conversation:
“So, you ever been married?”
“Yeah.”
“Really? He die?”
“Uh, no, we’re divorced.”
“He cheat on you?”
“Nope.”
“He left you?”
“Nope. I left him.”
(Beat) “Waiter, check please!”
Obviously, I needed to set my bar higher.
What I eventually discovered, after a whole lot of sleepless nights, and years of pain was that there were benefits to divorce; to asking more from life; to refusing to settle; to being greedy.
I also forgot that a Unicorn is a mystical, rare and beautiful creature.
So I’m curious…
This being what it is, more of a stream of consciousness, I want to turn the tables and ask you guys:
Q- What does it mean to you to settle? When have you done it and when could you not?
Q- Do you agree with the word greedy? What word would you choose when things look good but you want more?
Q- Are you a Unicorn? Why?
I love you all madly, carry on,
xox
