friends

A life is not important except in the impact it has on other lives.”
― Jackie Robinson

I missed the email when it came in.
Contrary to what most people believe, I am NOT on social media 24/7. 

It was Sunday so…I was doing assorted Sunday stuff; sleeping past six, eating pancakes stuffed with blueberries, carbs and gluten (because on Sunday, none of that stuff counts and calories don’t stick. Trust me, I’m a Doctor*) and engaging in general goof-offiness.

When I finally did check in, I noticed that one of my readers/friends had left me some very lovely feedback on Saturday’s blog, the one about viewing your life as a movie.
It always moves me when people take the time to write and tell me how something made them feel. I know everyone is crazy busy, so it’s much appreciated.

It’s like finding blue sea glass. It’s like a gem, out of the blue, completely unexpected.

My point is this: out in the world, right now, someone thinks you’re awesome. 
I swear to God.
And you don’t even know it.
If you COULD somehow feel it; you’d walk a little taller and maybe put on some lipstick.

I have teachers from grade school that I STILL revere, and if they were alive…they would be surprised.

The same friend that wrote that email, is herself an extraordinary woman.
Yet, she has NO IDEA.
In the jewelry world, she is a badass. She is an expert in time periods, stones, and things I can’t pronounce, let alone spell. Her lectures are always packed and she commands the stage like a rockstar. Believe me when I say, that many, many of us think she’s awesome – and she doesn’t even know it.

I was just lucky enough to meet a brilliant, funny, and wise woman who lives in Paris.
An expatriate married to a Frenchman. She has such style and is so impossibly chic that French woman must ask her for fashion advise. I’m sure of it. I’m also sure that wherever she goes, she leaves a wake of awesome behind her.
And she is blissfully unaware.

Our friend Clay is knowledgeable in SO MANY fields, that I can feel equally stupid about music, computers and food around him. THAT my friends is a talent. 
My husband marvels at Clay’s humble manner and down lowness.
He’s a pilot and we didn’t know that for a year. He owns several patents, and again, we just somehow found out; and I’m pretty sure he invented the internet (sorry Al Gore).
We think he’s covered in awesome sauce, and he has NO IDEA.

It’s startling when people let you know that they hold you in high regard. It’s like you were just going about your business, being you, and someone noticed your sparkle.

Telling extraordinary people how much they’ve impacted us is wonderful, please, do it.

But it’s a safe bet that we each have several silent admirers who think we rock.

People we haven’t seen or spoken to for years AND people we see every day.
Isn’t that crazy wonderful?

There are people breathing air, living right now, looking at the same moon, who think you’re covered in awesome sauce.

I do.

You’re all amazing!
Xox

*I’m not really a Doctor, I just play one on TV.

We talked in the Wednesday Group about clean living.
B O R I N G……..(insert loud snoring here)

Actually, we talked about it with genuine enthusiasm; healthy eating, minimizing alcohol and caffeine consumption, dialing down the gossip, amping up the exercise, trying some liver cleansing and becoming financially responsible.

It may not seem to make any sense but it all comes part and parcel with becoming self aware.

We must clean our house before the big guns, self esteem, self awareness and self reliance can come to stay.

Here’s where things start to get a bit dicey:
Your life REALLY makes an about face when you become self empowered and ramp up your yoga, meditation, prayer, green juice and self love consumption.

As you undertake this internal housekeeping, not only do you and your liver become furious knuckleheads (temporarily) but so do the people and circumstances around you.

I was told at about this point in my spiritual journey, twenty or so years ago, when I couldn’t believe how ridiculous everyone around me was behaving; this honey of a tongue twister:

You can’t unknow what you now know

Huh?

In other words, there was no going back.
No more Eyes Wide Shut.

Oh…..how I prayed at times to go back to being unconscious, and now so are my women.

All the Good Time Charlie’s that used to appear so charming, jovial, fun and engaging while they dispensed their alcohol fueled advise; now they seem like raging alcoholics, in horrible jobs, with relationships they can’t stand and their advise is just…….well, it’s justBAD.
Honestly.
When did THAT happen?

How did we never see that before?

You’re out there, transforming your little ass off, making all these brave, impressive changes in your life, and the peanut gallery is……. supportive…..except for the ones in the bleachers that want you to stay the same.
They are fearful and they are LOUD.
They call, they text, they email and talk to your family as they fight to remain relevant in your life.
One of the interesting things that happens as you awaken is that the Universe will supply to you, a living, breathing, “devil’s advocate” who embodies all your doubts and fears and becomes like gum on the bottom of your shoe – annoying and hard to get rid of.

It’s a good plan. It causes you to plead your case, gain clarity and steels your resolve to evolve.

As you survey the landscape of your previous life, you realize it was populated by a cast of rather reckless characters, of which YOU were the ringleader.

Your eyes were wide shut as you ran up your credit card debit, enabled a friend, and did your best impression of an ostrich, head in the sand, while bills, the shrapnel of your lousy choices and legal papers gathered around you and swallowed your butt.

It was a bit of a circus, and we all know, when you join the circus – you join for life….unless you open your eyes and clean things up, and that doesn’t make your circus family very happy when you decide to ditch your baggage and leave the Big Top.

Some people around you, old friends and co workers will seem crazy and even a bit frightening. 
Don’t be alarmed, you may just have to chill while the circus leaves town and circles back around.
Give them time.
They’ll get used to the new Eyes Wide Open you, and they’ll either embrace the new, improving you….or not.

In any case, just love them.
The key is kindness and the very thing we all desire – acceptance.
Send them light and love and the courage to open their eyes.

How are the people around you behaving? Are they accepting your “eyes wide open?” How do you avoid getting hurt and angry? I’d love to hear about it!

Sending circus love,
Xox

“If you’re looking for sympathy you’ll find it between shit and syphilis in the dictionary.” 
― David Sedaris, Barrel Fever

Once upon a time, I hung out with a shaman. 
He was my own personal “pocket shaman.”
He went everywhere with me, and helped me through all the wild things that were happening back then, with his wild eyed magic, his herbs and teas and his amazing energy work.
I was NOT having a good time with my spiritual awakening. I was a sick, whining, complaining, crying, hot mess.

He did love me, so he was somewhat indulgent. But he was so much further along on the spiritual path than I was at that time, that after awhile, he wouldn’t tolerate my behavior.
He would not continue to hear my complaints, no matter how valid. He could not bring himself to listen to my stories of victim hood for one. more. second.
He would just turn and leave the room…….while I was in mid sentence.
With my head in my hands, weeping, I’d beg for his advise about a situation that was causing me intense emotional pain, and his response would be: “We’ve discussed this, you know what I think you should do, I’m not talking about this again with you.”
WTF?! “Don’t you want to help me?”
“I’m not helping you by continuing to talk about it. If you want to stay there, if you want to summon a co-complainer, someone who will join you at your pity party, go call a girlfriend.”

I started to hate him. (I don’t want to say hate….. but I’m being honest here). 
I remember screaming at him to listen to me.
“You’re NOT my friend, you DON’T love me!”
“I DO love you! but you’re right, I’m not your friend, I’m your teacher, I’m here to help you. I will not come join you in your pain. A true friend would not keep you in this misery”
I remember slugging him hard in the arm as he turned and walked away.
Not my proudest moment.

“It is terribly rude to tell people that their troubles are boring.” 
― Lemony Snicket, The Blank Book

My friend Wes is similar. He wouldn’t commiserate with me when both my cats were killed by coyotes within a week of each other, and it almost ended our friendship. He just wouldn’t go there. He listened with compassion, when I cried about it in the beginning; but he wouldn’t indulge my need to keep talking about it, and stay in the “why” of it. He would get quiet, make a joke, or change the subject all together.
God, that was annoying.
He did it again when my business went south. I remember being at dinner with him and feeling so hurt and angry, because he seemed bored with my plight. He listened, but he wouldn’t engage. It was so freaking frustrating; like standing at the net with my racket and my opponent won’t return my serve.
Over and over and over again.
I felt ENRAGED!
The rage inside felt familiar; very similar to what I had felt toward my shaman friend years before. I had to restrain myself from hurling my body across the table and stabbing him in the neck with a fork.
Note to self: I am a pacifist ONLY if you indulge me, by listening to endless hours of my sad, sucky stories.

Staying in wounded victimhood has it’s own special high. With all the words of encouragement and people trying to help, it keeps you from having to stand on your own two feet, move forward, and take some responsibility.
Sympathy can be addictive.

Here’s the thing. They both loved me a ton, and they reacted in the most loving way possible. They wouldn’t stand with me in the energy of my pain for any longer than necessary. It’s a kind of spiritual “tough love.” I get that now.
And they did it at their peril. I felt abandoned and betrayed, and I lashed out accordingly. I strung together tirades of four letter words that would have made a drill sergeant blush, and there were long periods of time where I didn’t see either of them. I wasn’t ready to move on. I wanted to beat the dead horse and then some.
They would not meet me there. They stood in the place of my healing, of my wholeness, not my woundedness……….and they waited for me there.
It took awhile to join them, but eventually, I did.

I want to caution you: Please, Don’t try this at home. It may not go well. People want a shoulder to cry on, and if you take that away; they may punch you.
Be advised, there will be hurt feelings. But it IS the more loving act.
Maybe someone is loving you this way right now.
Food for thought.
Carry on.

Any thoughts? I’d love to hear ’em.

Xox

There are quite a few people around me who are reuniting with old family or friends. Awww, that’s so nice, right?
The interesting part is, the people that they’re getting reacquainted with are…dead.
Stop it! It’s still nice! And not at all creepy!
On the contrary, for them it’s been like picking up a conversation where it left off.
All warm and cozy and familiar, even though for a couple of them it’s been 25-30 years.

The veil between our two worlds has become very thin and transparent.
My intuition tells me that if you want to reconnect with “Uncle Bob” there’s never been a better time energetically, than now.
There is only one caveat.
If you’re interested in hanging with them, without getting the Grimm Reaper involved, you must match their energy.
This is tricky, but a lot of people are doing it.

Now, the dearly departed have left their bodies behind, and have merged with God, or the Universe, or for this, like the term Pure Positive Energy.
They seemed to have changed, they are the best version of themselves.
They have dropped the ego and are acutely aware of WHO THEY REALLY ARE.
They have BECOME that.
They have graduated, so to speak, and are free to visit the underclassmen.

What I’ve noticed with my friends, is that they have also graduated, in a different way.
They have reached a point where they also realize WHO THEY REALLY ARE,
but they didn’t have to die to get there.
They are leaving behind all judgements and guilt,,and getting into the ZONE.
They are lifting off of fear and worry, doubt and anger.
They are starting to be free and enjoy life.
They are doing that through meditation, or running, or sculpting or gardening, etc, etc.
Whatever floats their boat.
One even gets into the zone driving her car.

So…you’re just cruisin’ along and…Hello!
A visceral conversation ensues with your dad, or sister, or your best friend who passed.
You can actually “feel” their words.

Funny thing is, they were always there, waiting patiently for you to meet them, by remembering WHO YOU REALLY ARE.
They needed common ground.
Don’t worry about how long it took, 5 years is like a minute to them… trust me 🙂

And it’s no coincidence they’re stepping up to speak with you at this time.
Certain loved ones are very dialed in to where you are and what’s going on with you.
They have just the right thing to say, or better yet, a healing you can use right about now.

They can become your own personal angel if you let them.
Need advice, go for a run and ask “Uncle Bob”.
Get your hands in the dirt of your garden and “poof” your dad is there with an answer to a question.
I’m not kidding!
Don’t you just love that?!

Try it!
Sit and remember, you’re not just a soccer mom, or an accountant, or a bad daughter.
You are a spiritual being having a human experience!
Now go! Have a chat with your dead friend!

XoxJanet