awareness

The Universe will never attend your Pity Party.
You can give it the best seat…next to Oprah
and it still won’t show!

Take it from me,
I’ve sent out many an invitation to
God, the Universe, Source energy,
and whatever name I put on the place card …still a no-show!

And you know why??
Here’s why.
It’s not being rude,
It isn’t ignoring you,
It doesn’t have tickets to “Book of Mormon”.
It’s doing you a favor!

That’s right!
The Universe is privy to the bigger picture of our lives.
And It knows This too shall pass.
It doesn’t get down in the trenches with us,
No matter how much we beg,
Or plead our case.
“Come on Universe!!! You know that wasn’t right!!

That’s what best friends are for,
To commiserate with us on bad bosses and
Unfair situations, and men who are scoundrels.

The Universe is like Switzerland, it remains annoyingly neutral.
Because when it does that, it holds our place at the solution.

It waits right there while we bitch and moan,
Feel sorry for ourselves,
Cut our own bangs,
Eat frosting out of the can,
And and drink and dial.

Once the pity party winds down though,
The Universe comes in with the hefty trash bags
And the 409 and helps us clean up.

But you know what I really love…
It never says “I told you so”.

XoxJanet

Good morning God,

Please deliver me 

FROM CHAOS TO CALM
FROM ANGST TO ACTION
FROM UNFOCUSED TO UNSTOPPABLE

Thank you,
And keep up the good work.

* all night I kept getting that I should re-post this.
It was originally posted 5/19/13.
It’s always a good reminder!
Yes is the new No
We are joking, but we want that statement 
to have some time inside your minds!

It is time to say yes to things you have a tendency to 
normally say NO to.
It is time to broaden your YES horizons!

The exercise will be this:
There are things you immediately say NO to.
Invitations you decline,
Food you won’t try,
Ideas you won’t try on,
Points of view you won’t listen to,
No, No, No, No No!
Your life is a litany of No’s!

This keeps you safe,
this keeps you healthy, so you think,
but…this keeps you inside the walls of your very small life.

We are asking you to S T. R. E. T. C. H…….
go beyond those pre set boundaries and borders you 
have designed for your lives.

Start this exercise by saying YES !
A lot!
When someone invites you to a party,
and your mind immediately says NO,
Become conscious of that, of the automatic 
“voice of reason” that keeps you small.
Overrule that ” auto kill-joy” mechanism that
you let run your lives!

Say YES to everything!
or at least to as much as you can at first 🙂
Try new foods,
order dessert!
wear the color green,
wear a hat,
say YES to some sassy high heels,
stay up past midnight,
Go on a blind date,
go on ANY date!
accept any and all social invitations.

It will be on the fringes of this new life that you create,
in the energy of YES, 
that you will find new joy.
You will meet new and interesting people,
and become a part of fun and exciting new adventures!
Trust us, NO is so 2012,
Yes is the new NO (wink)

Standing and staring at my naked reflection in the mirror, 
under bad fluorescent lights, in the Nordstrom’s dressing room,
A pile of Spanx at my feet…that’s vulnerability!
Even though I’m the only one in the room, hell!
Who am I kidding!
I’m tougher than a thousand Simon Cowells!
But everyone can relate to that…right?

Oh! What about singing alone on stage?
Is that vulnerable enough?
Under the unforgiving gaze of a spotlight on a pitch black stage.
I’m positive everyone in the front row can see my lips trembling…
Deeeeep breath…can they smell my flop sweat?

When spring had sprung back in 2010 and I realized, shit! 
Who am I now that I don’t have a job, let alone a career?
Life was all black and white to me, it was drained of all color.
I fell into a funk. It was deeper than a funk actually,
It was a dark swirling edie of despair.

During that long summer, I would sit at the computer in my pajamas at two in the afternoon,
(Something I NEVER do unless I’m ridiculously ill, in which case I don’t troll the computer, I watch I LOVE LUCY reruns)
And I would search the World Wide Web for something to make me happy.

I’d spend hours watching silly cat videos, and babies laughing at tearing paper.
What brings me joy? I would ask myself.
Myself thought the question was rhetorical, 
so it just kept putting different searches into Google.
What makes me happy, besides what I’ve done all these years?
Who AM I without that?

Singing used to make me happy, I thought one day, 
remembering the ancient history of that time long, long ago, before I turned 30.

MUSICAL THEATRE ADULT WORKSHOP

I had sung and done theatre from the age of about 7 until I turned 30.
That was the day I became a grown up.
Better said, it was the day I realized I wanted to live above the poverty level.
I wanted to have more than $50 in my my bank account!
I wanted to see the world!
And I also realized that if I worked as long and hard at something else,
Anything else, I could be a success!
And I did,
and I was.

So cut to: 
20ish years later, 
no store,
No career,
Epic debt,
What’s a girl to do??
I decide to sing again.
Cause THAT’S what people in dark swirling eddies of despair do!
They make GREAT decisions…and,
They break into song!

I hadn’t sung a note since quitting all those years ago,
My husband, having met me in my 40’s, didn’t even know that side of me.
But the fear that came up when I thought of getting back on stage,
was different than the fear I had been experiencing around the loss of the store.
It felt familiar, like an old friend somehow.
And the pounding of my heart and the stage fright,
they made me feel ALIVE again!

So I hit SEND on the application, and left it up to the Universe.

Six months later, as a Christmas present, I got an email back!
They were doing CHICAGO, and was I still interested?
Hell NO! CHICAGO!!! Really!?
I can’t dance! And I haven’t sung since Jesus was a boy!
And those skimpy little costumes!!
NO WAY!
FORGET IT Universe! Nice try!
I just want to ease back in, not dive off the deep end!

Above is a picture my talented sister took during the show.
That’s me in the middle,
I’m Velma.
So…you’re starting to get me now huh?
I can’t do anything half way.
When I jump…I jump!
See that woman?
No more black and white!
Back to a Technicolor life!
That’s a picture of Janet, “gettin’ her groove back”!!

XoxJanet

“I’ve come to believe that there exists in the universe something I call “The Physics of The Quest” — a force of nature governed by laws as real as the laws of gravity or momentum. And the rule of Quest Physics maybe goes like this: “If you are brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting (which can be anything from your house to your bitter old resentments) and set out on a truth-seeking journey (either externally or internally), and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue, and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher, and if you are prepared – most of all – to face (and forgive) some very difficult realities about yourself… then truth will not be withheld from you.” Or so I’ve come to believe.”

― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

* I got this email from the Universe this morning (www.theuniverse@tut.com)
Feels like an affirmation about the tooth as a sign! Be on the lookout for yours!
Happy Monday!

Pssst… Hey, gorgeous!

Want to know a secret?

Everything in your life is a symbol,

A reflection. A clue. A reminder.

Of what you understand, and of what you don’t, made manifest.

Look to the beauty for truth. And to what hurts, for its beauty.

Your biggest fan,
The Universe

This solar eclipse energy is such, that many of us are re visiting situations for balance and final closure.
The “scratch your head” part of this is,
these are situations that are YEARS old.
These felt like that had been “put to bed” a long time ago,
but just like the toddler who appears in the hallway for one more drink of water at bedtime, 
“They’re baaacck”.

These are full circle moments.

One friend had an old boyfriend call the other day after several years,
Another, some old legal matters came up again, and me,
As you may have guessed, mine is dealing with the demise of my store four years ago.
Processing, processing, processing!
Shit!

This energy is about owning your own power
by first un burdening yourself of any secrets,
or unfinished emotional business.
Letting all your freak flags fly and just being authentic.
Telling your story AS IT IS,
Warts and all.

So here goes!
Here’s my full circle circumstance that happened this week.

In 2006 after I had quit my job, but before we had decided on a location for 
the store due to permit problems and delays, 
(which should have been my first sign to run for the hills)!
I got a tooth abscess.
Now I’ll tell you why this is an anomaly.
I’m anal about my teeth! No…that just doesn’t sound right!
But you get the gist.
I floss like I’m trying to start a fire, 
I brush whenever I can, 
I water pick,
Dental cleaning for me take 15 minutes, because plaque wouldn’t DARE
grow on these teeth!
I’m obsessed…maybe because my parents got me braces and I’m just so grateful.

Anyway, it was caused by a condition called resorption,
which is what makes the roots dissolve in baby teeth, so they fall out, 
but its rare in adults.
I had a molar that was convinced I was a six year old.

I had a root canal and a crown and yada, yada, yada.
But the molar next to it , in an act of solidarity for its friend, 
never let the gum between the two, where the abscess had been, close up.
No reason, just to mess with me.

So for the last 7 years I evaded infection, much to everyone’s surprise,
by being even more obsessed with that area,
shooting straight LISTERINE into it
Twice a day with the water pick.

Every checkup, my dentist would poke a sharp instrument in there to try and make it bleed, or just to see me jump, I’m nor sure.
And all was well…until last week.
Last week it became infected, and Thursday 
I had it pulled.
That’s a whole story in itself.
Note to self…get put to sleep next time.

Now, I’m a seeker,
I delve,
I ask questions of the Universe,
So I asked : what the hell is going on with this tooth?
And you know what I got?
“this is a physical manifestation of a full circle moment.”
WHAT!?
“No more indecision”

So I looked up teeth in Louise Hay’s little blue book,
And here’s what it said:

Teeth represent decisions.
Problems with teeth: longstanding indecisiveness. Inability to break down ideas for analysis and decisions.
As teeth are used to pulverize and pound food, teeth problems indicate difficulty pondering new information, ideas or situations. Hence, problems with the teeth indicate fear of making incorrect decisions. Remaining stuck.

And as we all know the last few weeks I’ve been yelling how I’m done with being stuck!!
How I’m striving to be more authentic by sharing my crazy journey in this blog.
So…there you go.

I’m sitting here with an ice pack on my cheek, marveling at 
God and her painful, yet powerful way of getting my attention,
And letting me know…. She heard me!
And I’m done!

Share your full circle moments!

XoxJanet 

How can we ever come to new insights or conclusions about our lives if our existing reality is never challenged?

That would be like only eating at the salad bar because you’ve never walked the whole buffet and seen the dessert cart.

We are creatures of habit,
Scared of any turbulence or bumps in the road.
But can we learn to appreciate, even welcome, the rainy days when we only prefer clear skys?

A certain amount of failure is necessary for success, because it sends us back to the drawing board.
When something’s not working, there is clarity in that realization.
A certain amount of discomfort is good for our souls.
We know we don’t want to do that again!
so it colors all our decisions.
Like Abraham says, who comes through Esther Hicks, 
“When you know what you Don’t want. You know what you DO want”.

I’ve come to this conclusion : 
that all the great gifts that have come to me in my life,
were born out of soul searching that was either precipitated by dissatisfaction
with the status quo, or….
I was dropped kicked by the Universe in the direction of a new life change.

Either way, it felt like shit.

So, Here’s my NEW conclusion:
Big change feels scary,
It feels awkward, and uncomfortable and uncertain.
Change is rude! 
It shows up unannounced, often at the most inopportune times, and tracks it’s dirty feet through your life.
It also does a number on your diet by making you eat raw cookie dough and cereal right out of the box!

So what does this all mean?
We can either hide under the bed,
Or …we can put our arms up, 
throw our heads back,
And scream bloody murder
As we careen toward our brighter future,
On the roller coaster of life,
In full surrender mode,
Knowing the Universe has our back.