awareness

People suffer when they pursue a life or chase a dream that doesn’t belong to them.
~Caroline Myss~

I can’t remember which book of Caroline’s this quote is from, but the truth of it just hit me like a Mac truck!
That’s why our train’s jump the track!
I’m sure now that’s why mine did!
Doh!!! (V8 forehead slap!)

Whose dream are we living anyway, when things crash and burn?
Our mother’s dream of a singing career?
Our father’s of an Ivy League education?
Maybe we just wanted to go to Paris and become a mime!

I suppose when I opened my store I thought that was my dream.
I would tell you it was, I’ve said it in this blog!
I had run a store forever.
I bought, I sold, I merchandised it, I did the books,
I should own my own… Right?

So when my soul stirred and I wanted to leave,
I told myself that my having a store of my own was my dream.
Only today did I realize that it was my boss’s dream,
Not mine.

He ate, drank and slept the antique and jewelry business, he still does, and that’s how you know it’s your dream.
I did not.
Don’t get me wrong, I worked like a dog, but I never thought of the store when I wasn’t there…ever!

He does…His dream.
It was my job, Not my life.
Shit! It’s so clear to me now!

Why do we borrow other people’s lives/dreams?
Because we do something for so long, we call a habit, a life?

A friend lobbied me to put my store behind hers.
She was killin’ it!, making money hand over fist, and had been for 8 years at that point, and she assured me that the same would happen for me.
It did at first, but it was a hard location, and ultimately a terrible decision.
Ironically, the location actually lead to its demise.

I suffered because…I was living HER life, trying to capture HER dream, in HER perfect location.
Of course it would feel terrible!

The business was my boss’s dream, a dream I stole to raise as my own,
and my friend’s success was because SHE was living HER perfect life!

I had never even taken 5 minutes when I left jewelry, to consider that my next step might not be retail.
I left the business to follow my heart, only I was looking in the wrong direction, so I never got the memo.

My ego took charge then, it usurped my better judgement and convinced me to pursue a life and chase a dream that didn’t belong to me.
Then when that didn’t work out, it convinced me I should go back to jewelry, which was STILL not the correct path.

Note to self: the ego gives really shitty advise!

If things aren’t working, if your life is like pushing an elephant up the stairs.
If everything you try turns to shit….and you’re suffering.
I don’t care how many years you have invested, or how many diplomas you have on the wall.
Sit down a minute and ask yourself this:
“Whose life am I living”?
“Whose dream am I chasing”?

XoxJanet

There are quite a few people around me who are reuniting with old family or friends. Awww, that’s so nice, right?
The interesting part is, the people that they’re getting reacquainted with are…dead.
Stop it! It’s still nice! And not at all creepy!
On the contrary, for them it’s been like picking up a conversation where it left off.
All warm and cozy and familiar, even though for a couple of them it’s been 25-30 years.

The veil between our two worlds has become very thin and transparent.
My intuition tells me that if you want to reconnect with “Uncle Bob” there’s never been a better time energetically, than now.
There is only one caveat.
If you’re interested in hanging with them, without getting the Grimm Reaper involved, you must match their energy.
This is tricky, but a lot of people are doing it.

Now, the dearly departed have left their bodies behind, and have merged with God, or the Universe, or for this, like the term Pure Positive Energy.
They seemed to have changed, they are the best version of themselves.
They have dropped the ego and are acutely aware of WHO THEY REALLY ARE.
They have BECOME that.
They have graduated, so to speak, and are free to visit the underclassmen.

What I’ve noticed with my friends, is that they have also graduated, in a different way.
They have reached a point where they also realize WHO THEY REALLY ARE,
but they didn’t have to die to get there.
They are leaving behind all judgements and guilt,,and getting into the ZONE.
They are lifting off of fear and worry, doubt and anger.
They are starting to be free and enjoy life.
They are doing that through meditation, or running, or sculpting or gardening, etc, etc.
Whatever floats their boat.
One even gets into the zone driving her car.

So…you’re just cruisin’ along and…Hello!
A visceral conversation ensues with your dad, or sister, or your best friend who passed.
You can actually “feel” their words.

Funny thing is, they were always there, waiting patiently for you to meet them, by remembering WHO YOU REALLY ARE.
They needed common ground.
Don’t worry about how long it took, 5 years is like a minute to them… trust me 🙂

And it’s no coincidence they’re stepping up to speak with you at this time.
Certain loved ones are very dialed in to where you are and what’s going on with you.
They have just the right thing to say, or better yet, a healing you can use right about now.

They can become your own personal angel if you let them.
Need advice, go for a run and ask “Uncle Bob”.
Get your hands in the dirt of your garden and “poof” your dad is there with an answer to a question.
I’m not kidding!
Don’t you just love that?!

Try it!
Sit and remember, you’re not just a soccer mom, or an accountant, or a bad daughter.
You are a spiritual being having a human experience!
Now go! Have a chat with your dead friend!

XoxJanet 

You don’t have to have cancer to be an cancer expert.
But it really helps.

Kris Carr started her whole “Crazy Sexy” empire while documenting her journey with a rare form of cancer. She was a successful actress who became a filmmaker, and writer ( something she never thought she could do, that resonates with ME)!
She didn’t go get a degree in journalism or filmmaking first, she became an expert on cancer and healing because she was living it, and wanted to share her journey, so she jumped into the arena.

Jennifer Lawrence just added a second Golden Globe Award to her Academy Award! This fearless young actress can hold her own with the Hollywood heavyweights. When asked about her “process” she admits she’s never studied acting!
She just “does it”. She’s an expert because she just gets up there and delivers, over and over again.

I know people who devote years to study and research, and multiple degrees, before they publish a paper. If they ever do. Many don’t. Seems they’re just never ready.
While it’s impressive and some feel required to have a degree in your chosen field,
my feeling is that while degrees are good, just living life and putting in the time, can make you an expert. 
Except for rocket science…to be a rocket scientist you need tons of advanced study! Agreed?!

I’m an expert at estate jewelry. I am. I’ve been immersed in everything about it for over 25 years.
That’s nice.

Now I’m a middle aged woman who doesn’t want to continue with that career.
I’m changing, it doesn’t do it for me anymore.
I’m writing this blog, living my spiritual path, and in doing that, I’m finding there are SO many of us that are experiencing the exact same thing!

I’m an expert now at leaving a previous profession behind to follow my heart.

There’s no degree on my wall, but I’m living it.
Every day.
I’m on the playing field, writing and talking and supporting others.
I’m sorry to report that at an age where I was hopeful I would have life all figured out I don’t.
The only thing that has permanently become clear at 55 is my skin!

I don’t have all the answers, but the ones I DO have I’m excited to share.
I want to inspire, open minds and start a conversation.

So I feel that after a good year and a half of writing from my heart, and now practicing spiritual courage instead of cowardice, 
I’m ready to reach out and put a group together of woman over 40 who are experts in fields they no longer want to pursue.
Who are contemplating doing a 180 in mid life!
Are you a doctor that wants to paint?
Are you a lawyer who at heart wants to do landscaping?
A mom who’s kids are leaving or have left, and now you have time for (gulp) yourself?
That’s great! Because I’m a jeweler that loves to write and wants to help people.

What I do know for sure is that there are a ton of us, and we’re all in this together!
How about it?
Are you in?
Listen to the call of your heart*

XoxJanet

*for further information contact me at atikhome@me.com

ADORE
a·dore
əˈdôr/
verb
1. love and respect (someone) deeply.
synonyms: love dearly, love, be devoted to, dote on, hold dear, cherish, treasure, prize, think the world of.

My life changed forever when, as a 40 something woman looking for a prospective mate, I had the audacity to declare ” I want to be adored”

I told all my friends, and as they nodded and smiled their faux-supportive smiles I could see in their eyes, “Yeah, good luck with that”.

This new realization had hit me as a supreme and long overdue “Ah Ha” moment
after yet another 4+ year relationship crashed and burned.

Following my divorce at 25, I had actually fallen in love more than once, and as the years marched on, so did the list of dates, lovers, and boyfriends.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining they were all great guys. Some were younger than me, others were my age; some were artistic and wildly creative; others cerebral, funny and loving. (Are you feeling sorry for me yet? Yeah, don’t. Not yet. Wait for it.)

They were all very different, not at all alike.
The only commonality they all shared was how they ended our relationship.
The words that I heard at the end were always the same:
“You’re amazing, I’m just not ready”.
You’re the best girlfriend I could imagine”.
“Some lucky guy is going to grab you. Just not me.”
” I should probably never leave you, I’m sure I’ll regret this”
But…

Then they all walked away.
Some of them ran. One took a jet.

When the last one left I was around forty years old. (Which everyone knows is  too old to be dumped by  boyfriend.)  I could see that I had to change my relationship recipe if I wanted love to last. There was an ingredient missing. One component with the shelf-life of warm chocolate cake. By the time I even got a whiff of it—it was gone. Which explains why it took me awhile to come up with the word. And when I did, it was audacious.
I wanted to be adored!
Cherished, respected, treasured, thought the world of, and dearly loved!

I knew guys were capable of it, I had seen it in their faces when I suggested throwing away a favorite old flannel shirt, or their college baseball jersey.
They would grab it away and hug it close, eyes filled with…adoration.
I wanted the next man’s face to reflect that look back…to ME!

It was no longer acceptable to me to be so easily disposable.
I realized I was more like the stuff in the box that goes to Goodwill.
Easily Forgettable.

Fuck that!
I wanted to be the flannel shirt!
Instead of jetting out of my life I wanted to hear, “Out of the question, she stays! I would rather lose a limb than be without her!”

It takes a special man to adore a woman.
He has to have overcome his own broken heart enough to recognize your awesomeness, been vaccinated against that fear of commitment bug  in order to let his guard down, and then YOU  have to be willing to do the same.

The payoff for that level of vulnerability will be the look in his eyes.

The reason I’m sharing this is that it is possible. For me it became essential.
And after that realization, the audaciousness paid off.  I found it, and you can too.

Everyone has the right to feel cherished and treasured and held dear!
You just have to have the audacity to ask for it.

Now, adoration is pretty heady stuff, so your next task it to make sure you are someone who is capable of accepting it. I know who you are so I’m not worried.

Seeking adoration doesn’t happen overnight, but you can start now.
Xox Janet

I love this!!!

So, if you’re like me, I’ve spent years waiting for certain things to happen, only to ring in another year, and alas…that thing I want is annoyingly absent.

Now we all understand at this stage of the game how the Universe works, right?

Sometimes I need a reminder, so here’s a very abbreviated refresher course:
1) You have a desire. It can be anything, from a new car, to bigger boobs, to improved health.
The Universe doesn’t judge, so you shouldn’t either, just sayin’.
2) The Universe complies. End of story.

So why all the suffering? Why don’t we all get what we think we want?
Here’s why…
3) Stay out of the way.
Shit!
That one gets me every time!

Here’s a reminder that I always repeat to myself when I want to pull my hair out:

I ask the Universe for something, they say “Yes”!
I ask the Universe for something, they say “Not right now”.
I ask the Universe for something, they say “No…I have something better for you”.

Damn! That sounds awesome and simple, and it is!
But simple doesn’t mean easy!

You know why?
Because we can’t keep our big noses out of the Universe’s business!
When it says “not right now” we scream, “why not”!
We have to keep opening the oven, so to speak, to see if it’s cooked, and you know what that does? It slows down the process! Or worse yet, it makes the soufflé drop.
It shows that we don’t really trust the Universe to get it done, and the Universe can’t stand a Doubting Thomas. Sorry, but it’s the truth.

There is a timetable we are not privy to, a point where all the stars align.
If you monitor it, and micro manage it, constantly checking the progress,
the miracles that need to occur to help it along will never happen!
They can’t when we’re watching.
It only happens when our heads are turned, or we fall asleep…kinda like the tooth fairy or Santa Claus.

Another thing we do…we confuse the energy by asking for one thing, but doing the exact opposite.
You can’t say you want your life to change, when you continue to do everything the same.
It just doesn’t work that way.
Do you know how confusing that is for the Universe? It’s like a computer.
If you put in a command and then continue to hit “Control, Alt, Delete”, you’re not going to get anything! You will be stalled, sitting in the traffic of your mixed signals.

I remember realizing that, when I decided I wanted to meet a man and get married. I knew I had to circulate in the world…better yet, I had to date! I couldn’t just sit in my pajamas on Saturday nights, or continue to have occasional sex with an ex, and I definitely couldn’t say to everyone that I was skeptical that true love really existed. The miracles couldn’t happen if I wasn’t willing to show up and be clear about wanting a husband!

When it says ” I have something better for you” we scream “how could you?!”
You know how? The Universe dreams bigger than we do.
So we have to be happy waiting for the big reveal,
where…we…stand.
It is just the platform where we launch ourselves toward our desired goal, then the Universe takes it from there!

Well, that’s impossible!
How can you be happy being sick, when wellness is nowhere in sight?
Or single, when the loneliness is palpable?
Or broke, when your unemployment runs out,
Or chubby, when you just broke another zipper?
Happy?! Really?
Yes.

Because the miracles can’t find you if you stay in the energy of the suffering.
They can only meet you if you can get to the corner of happiness and acceptance.

Just like driving a motorcycle or car.
If you fixate on an obstacle you WILL hit it!
You have to look in the direction you WANT to go. Counterintuitive but true.

That means getting out and dating, and actually having fun.
Or wearing the new blue dress that’s not a size 6, and knowing you look pretty.
It means splurging on a manicure, because it makes you feel good, and you know the money will come.
Or taking a shower and shaving for the first time since your last chemo, finally washing away the smell of hospital.

THEN, you can start to conjure the feelings of happiness and relief that the money, or love, or healing would bring.
Pretend if you have to, use your imagination!

Remember, simple, not easy.

And that goes for illness, bad relationships, jobs, weight, EVERYTHING!
Practice this, and you’re on your way to making room for all those miracles!
I’m right there with you.
XoxJanet

This is from a fellow beautiful blogger and I just LOVE it! Great way to start the New Year, even though we’re 10 days in.
I can’t wait to go talk and release to the rocks!
XoxJanet

Become freehearted.

• I wrote this when I first started writing about a year and a half ago.
  I think it’s worth re-posting.
  Xox Janet

Wherever you are, I am there.
Mistake not, a baby’s cry, as a sign of my absence,
nor the prisoners face, clinging to the bars.
Weep not at the outstretched beggar’s hand,
or the wounded soldier’s sigh.
I am there.

Fear not.
For the evil that you witness,
in nature and in man,
does not convey my abandon.

For as sure as the spring follows the frost of winter,
and the sun chases the darkness of the night,
I am there.

In your most private moments, I sit beside you.
In your grief, on your shoulders I rest my hands.
I touch your head as you kneel in prayer,
as you walk in solitude, your hand I hold.

I am the witness of your life,
and when you take your last breath,
wherever you are,
I am there.

Barn’s burned down,
now I can see the moon.
~Masahide~

Oh I get it!
Don’t worry about the loss of that beautiful, useful, building you’re still paying for,
now you have a view…
Of the moon…on the nights when you’re outside sobbing over your lousy luck and the shit the insurance company’s putting you through.
You can take a second to raise your snot covered face to the sky,
“Oh never-mind, that is so beautiful…now I can see the moon”.

NOT!!

I wish to God Almighty I could always be that enlightened in the face of crisis and chaos!
For instance,

Car got totaled,
now I can get some exercise…
How practical.

Or how about,

Husband left me,
now I can catch up on my reading…
Ommmmm…perfectly Zen.

Don’t get me wrong.
I love the message behind these spiritual sayings, 
and they really do give me pause to do a reality check, 
but honestly!
Who lives like that?!
Maybe on a good day.
It would have to be my best day ever!

I take it as a suggestion of an ending place, a place to aspire to.
Because, if I live under the impression that that’s where I should be immediately, 
it makes me want to cry, or punch somebody!
It may take me awhile to get there, it could take years!

If the proverbial barn burns down, I’m gonna freak out.
I’m gonna get mad.
And sad.
And scared.
Because in the moment, that’s appropriate.

I’m going to use every profanity known to man, 
in every language I can think of.
I’m going to use them often, and loudly.
as verbs and nouns and adjectives.
They will start and end every sentence I speak.
Maybe NOT so appropriate, but amazingly cathartic.

Then, only after the dust has settled, and I’ve had a glass of wine and regained my composure…
THEN…I’ll appreciate the view.

XoxJanet