Awakening

Hi Loves,
I hope this finds you well. Warm, full, fat and happy.
I’m going to partake of some holiday cheer with friends and family, so this will be my last post until after the New Year…unless I miss you, or get a bug up my ass to write something; both which could easily happen.

Check this out – It’s genius!

https://medium.com/@elleluna/the-crossroads-of-should-and-must-90c75eb7c5b0

In case you miss me in the meantime, here are the five most popular posts of 2014 – Thanks to you!

1) http://www.theobserversvoice.com/2014/09/his-wife-saved-me-from-becoming-the-other-woman-a-cautionary-tale/

2) http://www.theobserversvoice.com/2014/08/throwback-thursday-angel-in-a-turban/

3) http://www.theobserversvoice.com/2014/07/eggs-toast-bikinis-and-helen-mirren/

4) http://www.theobserversvoice.com/2014/10/the-dao-of-debbie-harry-reprise/

5) http://www.theobserversvoice.com/2014/05/are-you-paying-attention/

Hey Loves,
What are the ideas you’re putting out into the world?
What are you excited about, posting, hitting “publish” on?
As Jason explains, we are paying it forward, putting it out there and creating the future. you up for that?

I am.

Happy Sunday,
xox

* I love, love, love this essay on attachment by the very wise Danielle La Porte – I couldn’t have said it better myself! Take it away Danielle-

The difference between being “detached” and “non-attachment.” And why it matters for getting what you want. http://bit.ly/1IXUa8V

Give it all you got, and then… let it go. Let it go up to the Milky Way to be worked on. Let it come back with an answer, a gold nugget, a breakthrough, an alternative, a home.

Thanks Danielle!
Xox

*It’s always so interesting (as in weird) to go back into the archives and pull up an old post. You can really see the evolution of my writing. No F-bombs, no conversational tone, just…(yawn) advise.

Anyhow, this is from a year and a half ago, and it seems relevant to right this minute, since I’m hearing that a lot of you are being bitch-slapped around by your kids, your customers, your spouse, or the guy at the post office.
ENOUGH!
Take this advise 😉

By setting boundaries, being appreciative, and showing by example, you teach the people in your life how to treat you.

Will you accept not being treated with love and respect?
or will you stand tall and say “hey, that’s not okay”!
It can even be telling a friend you will not tolerate their chronic
lateness.

Do you show others that same love and respect that you seek?<
Boundaries are difficult for some people to enforce, for they fear they will lose something if they do.
If a love or a job or a friend evaporates because you 
ask to be treated a certain way, then it was not grounded in
any way that could have been sustained over time.
In other words, they was not REALLY a friend, or a lover 
and the cost was too high.

When you treat others with respect and fairness,
kindness, empathy, and love, it is returned to you ten fold.
It boils down to your self worth, and whether you will let 
any person or situation chip away at that.
It also shows you if you are recognizing the worth of 
those around you, and if you value it equally, 
or more than your own.

If you are nurturing, you will be nurtured.
Generosity brings you generous acts,
Thoughtfulness will be rewarded,

Always show your appreciation when someone treats you
wonderfully, for they may be teaching YOU ways you 
should be treated that you hadn’t even imagined.

And then return the favor!

love you you little boundary-setters! Now get back behind the glass!
xox

I would add: Humor, Courage, Personality, Selflessness, Honor, Health, Loyalty, Happiness and Sparkle*.
How about you?

xox

Ah, perfectionism – you rat-bastard.

You are the behind the scenes ruin-er of every event.
You are the “I told you so” inside every mistake.
You are the “It could have been better, you should be thinner, I’m a freak, a fake and a fraud” whispered in my ear at the end of every day.

In short, you are the cause of so much grief.

Perfection, like a 22-inch waist, a man who asks for directions, and delicious vegan cheese—is literally impossible. It is a myth and an illusion.

Perfectionism starts in childhood.
The dolls lined up perfectly on the shelf, school papers stacked in neat piles, worn thin by rigorous erasing. I should know.

Perfectionism stifles creativity.
They cannot co-exist; creativity is messy, I don’t care what anyone says. When you’re in the flow, you can just throw perfect punctuation and grammar to the wind.

Have you ever seen a painter’s studio when they are creating? It is a catastrophe! There is shit everywhere – Empty coffee cups, brushes and tubes of paint in heaps, tarps, stacks of ideas, even some paint on the ceiling (?).

Perfectionism would never be caught dead in the swirling vortex of creativity – it might mess up its perfect hair!

When you take perfectionism to the office; well, yeah, good luck with that.
It is the bully in the room, taunting you with thoughts of inferiority, assuring you that you’re not good enough.
Work harder, be better, PROVE YOUR WORTH, it sneers.

Perfectionism sabotages joy.
It’s a punk. It steals its lunch money and gives it a wedgie. Perfectionism hangs out with those two thugs, anxiety and stress.
It is my belief that perfectionism is complicit in every nervous breakdown. Most especially, the ones suffered during the holidays.

I can speak to this with authority.

I am a retired perfectionist.
It started to wane when I got married again. Perfectionism doesn’t compromise, and compromise and relationships arelikethis.

The exact time of death of my perfectionism occurred when we decided to live in our house during a remodel. Any last vestiges that remained hit the road, (along with the tiny bit of modesty I possessed.)
You reside in so much chaos, dirt, and destruction; I can remember wiping 4-5 inches of plaster and drywall dust off random surfaces in order to sit and drink the coffee we made in the bathroom. The refrigerator was in the dining room and we were sleeping in the garage.

It got so bad I actually started to throw trash (gum wrappers, receipts) on the floor, fuck it, what’s the use, it’s a disaster, I’d tell myself. The upside was that I’d never in my life felt so FREE! So I ran with it, and I haven’t looked back!

Living in a construction zone is like aversion therapy for perfectionists.

It’s time to join me and retire from perfectionism. Take off the twenty-ton shield and fly.

Maybe you want to talk about how you kicked perfectionism’s ass, or how you’re still struggling? Either way, I’d love to hear about it in the comments below. Don’t be shy. It doesn’t have to be perfect. 😉

Xox

“Cinema Is An Altar”

xox

I’ve always been fascinated with death and what happens on the other side AFTER we die.

Religions teach pearly gates, heaven and hell sorts of scenarios.

Some schools of thought say there’s a celebration, the likes of which we’ve never seen.

Others teach that the birth process is actually harder on our souls, since death is re-emerging back into the energy from whence we came.

Even the people who have experienced an NDE (Near Death Experience) are only allowed to go so far – turned around at a certain point, and sent back.

It seems no one with an All Access Pass has ever been inclined to leave the party and report back to us poor slobs, just exactly what’s going on over there.

That has always intrigued me.

I really liked one school of thought I heard many years ago, about a kind of life review process. No heaven or hell; just a movie.

Now if you’re my husband you’re thinking: Well, that sounds like hell, how long is it? Is there popcorn? Are there previews? Where’s my seat exactly?
Settle down big guy. (He’s actually had an NDE so he has NO fear of death whatsoever, as long as there’s no loooong, drawn out movie to sit through).

This is how it was explained to me: Just after you die, you watch a review, in the form of a movie of sorts.

It races past you, as an IMAX type of experience – and it is the Movie Of Your Life.

There is no soundtrack, actually there is no sound at all – there is only emotion.

You see, you get to feel the emotions you evoked in everyone around you. In every second of your life.

Wha-What!? Well, that’s just…horrifying!

Can you imagine? All the times you made someone sad, hurt their feelings, infuriated them, even made them cry?

We cause others pain during our lives, but I’m willing to bet that a good portion of it is unintentional.
The rude remark, the overheard gossip, the accidentally-on-purpose forgotten Valentine’s Day.

I was assured that we will all be surprised and shocked by the emotions we’ve unknowingly caused in those around us.

The cure for that is waking up. Be conscious of the “wake” you leave behind you.

Are you jackass? Cut it out – or be prepared to be appalled, your movie’s gonna suck.

I for one, intend to do better.

But the reason this whole concept is fresh in my mind these days, is because I was recently reminded that it does work the other way.
We can also cause someone JOY unintentionally.
Yes, we do that too!

Every now and again, someone will relay a story that will swell my heart with this unintentional joy; and I don’t have to wait to die and watch the movie!

Remember those Agapanthus stalks from my garden that I dry and put outside in a bucket marked “Free Magic Wands” during the summer?

If you’re new to the blog, I wrote about it here: http://www.theobserversvoice.com/2014/08/spread-your-magic-however-you-can-with-audio/

The other day one of the neighborhood dads stopped and asked me if I had any more of my “magic wands”. (I don’t, summer is over. I hand the magic over to Santa for the winter).

He went on to explain that his six-year-old son had tied one onto the handlebars of his bike, and had ridden around with it for months.
“It just disintegrated last week, which is why I’m asking.” he said.
“My son loved that thing; he told all his friends he was like Harry Potter, that he had a magic wand” the dad went on to tell me. “He sent all his friends here to get one.” (That explains why I kept running out!)

I just stood there, listening, picturing the wand working it’s magic in that boy’s life. Holy Cow. It felt AMAZING.

Go Figure. I had gone the whole summer clueless, basically doing it for my own amusement.

That’s just a little thing, but it really made someone happy – behind the scenes. We ALL have those, of that I’m certain.

Think about it. I wonder what YOU’VE done lately that unintentionally touched someone’s heart? A hand written thank you note? A spontaneous love text?

I saw a hipster dude stop and put down his coffee to help an elderly gentleman down some steps yesterday. It almost made me cry.

You may never know…until the movie!

I’m wagering that the ratio for most of us, good to bad, joy to sadness – is ten to one. I’m just that much of a Pollyanna.

NOTE TO SELF: Send a mental note to the cosmic editor of MY movie, that he can go ahead and cut that scene – I already felt it!

Ohhhhh. SNAP! That one’s deep.

Xox

DISAPPOINTMENT
dis·ap·point·ment
ˌdisəˈpointmənt/
noun
the feeling of sadness or displeasure caused by the nonfulfillment of one’s hopes or expectations.

(I was looking for an appropriate graphic for a post about disappointment and this one made me laugh – out loud – that’s good enough for me!)

Disappointment. Ugh. That feeling in the pit of your stomach that confirms your most deeply buried fear, that that thing, person, or situation you want SO badly isn’t going to materialize.

Well shit. I know most of the world believes this:

“Don’t expect too much from life, then you won’t be disappointed.”

I’ve been guilty of lowering my expectations, afraid that they couldn’t possibly be met; so you can imagine my surprise when on occasion – they’ve been surpassed.
Not all the time, I’m still a member of the human race, but years ago I heard this quote and it gave me…hope.

“Disappointment means you are taking score too soon.”
Abraham-Hicks

You see, I am a HUGE score-taker. I invented taking score and clock watching and all that frustrating behavior that kept me tied in knots for YEARS!

The above quote changed everything for me.

I realized that when I didn’t see what I wanted, I hadn’t given the person or situation enough time to enter my life.
Sometimes it took years! But looking back – damn the journey was a blast!

And that’s the point.

I wanted things fast. Like yesterday fast.
But the Universe knew the best route to my desire. One that I couldn’t always see.

You’ve heard of Divine Timing? Well, it takes time to line things up. 

I needed to lighten the fuck up.

I could make the journey from want to fruition the scenic route, or the road to perdition.

I decided (and so should you) to wait with enthusiastic anticipation for the events I wanted to take place.
I cannot tell you how much that shifted the energy from fear of failure, to hope.

And isn’t that what we all want to feel about the things we desire? Hopeful? I do!

So the next time you feel yourself all twisted into a pretzel of impatience (been there, done that) remember:
“Disappointment means you are taking score too soon.”

It’s coming. Everything you want. It’s the scenic route, enjoy the ride.
Believe in Divine Timing.
Lighten the fuck up.

Love you,
Xox