*This post is from almost exactly one year ago. There were a bunch of us struggling with gratitude then…and there are a whole crew ready to throw in the towel right. this. minute.
So here ya go.
Gratitude 2.0
xox

Several of you have been lamenting lately about the fact that you’re having trouble finding gratitude these days. You’ve looked over every rainbow and things still look like shit.

Does that happen to me? Um…..hell yah.

There are days when saying “I got up on the wrong side of the bed” is a colossal understatement. They can happen in succession, which then becomes known as “The Week From Hell” to myself and anyone who breaths my air.

I am to be avoided at all costs.

On those days, I can ONLY tell the cold, hard truth, and if “you can’t handle the truth,” as Jack Nicholson so famously snelled (which is a sneer and a yell) to Tom Cruise in A Few Good Men, don’t call me or come over. Don’t ask me if your butt looks big in those jeans, if your bangs are too short or if I like your new boyfriend.

Really. I won’t be kind.

On those days the “truth” as I see it is tragically skewed.

All my eyes can register are the flaws and fuck ups in life.
Not the big heavy, real stuff. Those things are glaringly evident.
I’m talking about finding fault with the little shit, and the way those things can pile up and send you over the edge.

We’ve ALL had those days.

A beautiful table, but I can only see the tiny scratch.
My husband comes out in a new shirt he loves; I zero in on a loose thread and a possible stain.
My hair is too soft. (What?)
Why isn’t it hotter/colder?
Why are they always out of my favorite _________?
The garden looks okay, but why aren’t there more roses? There are usually more roses this time of year.
And on and on and on.

Yep, I do that.

Those are the days when I have to literally force myself to practice gratitude.

I do practice gratitude on a pretty regular basis. I write about it after all. I send a daily gratitude text to friends and I write a list, because I know I have a ton to be grateful for.

But…..some days. I have appreciation for nuthin‘.

So a month or so ago, I remembered an old exercise that I used to use, and I thought I’d start again, so that the next time I felt I was grappling with gratitude, I could stop and be reminded. Sometimes I just need a physical anchor to my practice, otherwise it gets too airy fairy and I won’t do it.

It’s simple and easy, and it works.

Here goes:
Get a stone or rock. Something you’ve collected or something from around your environment. It can even be a crystal or your Maya heart stone (wink).
The point is, it has to feel good in your hand.

Kept it next to your bed, and before you go to sleep, think back to the BEST thing that happened to you that day. Hold the stone while you replay how good that experience felt.
Wallow in it.

Then say Thank You to this thing for making your day.
Really say it all the way from your big toe.
Three times usually does it for me.

If things are going well in your life, you’ll know exactly which thing to dwell on. There may even be a few. (Lucky you).
But when you have to rack your brain……..Awww man, I feel ya, it sucks, but this is an important exercise to give you some impetus toward the turn around.

I know it’s hard when you’re not in a good place, so it can be stuff like:
The sweet relief of getting off work.
You got your period.
Realizing you had fifteen more minutes to sleep.
The cleaners was still open when you got there.
Your boss is on vacation.
There was an extra roll of toilet paper in the cabinet.
They got your lunch order right.
Your car started.
Your coffee was hot and how you like it. (Along with that, the barista actually wrote YOUR NAME not some bastardization of it on the cup.) I’ve been Hammit, Jammit, Jnae? , Jane T. , Jana, the list goes on. Some funny, some not so much.

You get the gist.

Feel the gratitude for the mundane things that DO go right.
Get your bearings.
Give up your quest for the flaws.
Search for the BEST thing.
Anchor how good that feels onto that stone.

The energy of gratitude feeds on itself. It will give you more and more things to be thankful for. It’s really crazy how magical it is.

But some days you’ll need the stone staring at you on the nightstand to remind you, and you’ll have a tinge of gratitude for me (wink, wink).

Then go to sleep knowing you’ll have a better tomorrow.

Sending love,
Xox

INTANGIBLE
in·tan·gi·ble
inˈtanjəb(ə)l/
adjective

Unable to be touched or grasped; not having physical presence.
“God seems so intangible”
synonyms:impalpable, untouchable, incorporeal, discarnate, abstract

Settling for the believable.
What?
Why?
No fucking way!

I learned this week that the TED talks want you to have documented proof and data to support your talk.

Fuck. That just makes me mad (no TED talk for me) and worse than that it makes TED a very dull boy.

What about the intangible?

I was reminded this week about certain properties of quantum physics. The fact that everything at the sub-atomic level is made up mostly of …empty space.

Including you and me. And the chair you’re sitting in while you read this.

Yet, we’ve all agreed to see things as solid.

What about the fact that particles make up atoms and yet those atoms contain properties NOT found in particles.
Then atoms gather together and make up molecules yet those molecules contain properties that are NOT present in atoms.
Molecules make up cells and…you guessed it, same thing.

So… we are made up of those cells with all of that unexplainable stuff inside.

Huh.

So far the intangible is waaaaaay more interesting to me than the easily believable. The stuff that adds up. The stuff that makes sense (yawn).

Talk to me more about the abstract, the impalpable; the divine.

“I don’t believe in things that can’t be proven,” said the little shit with the pocket protector.

Oh really Pointdexter? What about dark matter, string theory and the Higgs Boson Particle? Huh?

What about babies?
An egg and sperm collide (and that’s no easy task) and instantly cells start dividing. And somehow contained in those cells are an eyebrow, a penis and a heart that beats. Not only that, the whole thing mysteriously knows how to arrange itself. The penis does’t show up on your face and your heart at the bottom of your foot.

IT KNOWS WHERE TO GO AND WHAT TO DO.
At a cellular level.

It doesn’t arrange itself in a random pattern and become a turnip.
No woman I know of has given birth to a turnip.
Neither has any ape, elephant, cat or chicken.

What plays a role in that? Something intangible?

Where does love come from?
Alaska? Italy? (well, maybe Italy).
Can you order it on Amazon?

Where does it originate?

What about a great idea?
Inspiration? Work of art or piece of music?

I know they are received by the mind, but where do they come from?

Is there a documented storehouse for that?

“Um, hello, yes, I’d like to order two great ideas and if I could get those by Friday that would be great. What? That’s extra?
Fine, put it on my Visa.”

I will not settle for the believable. And neither should you.

Remember we’re all looking for wonder and wonder isn’t even in the same zip code as the believable, the mundane or predictable.

Go ahead TED —ask for data.
You know that white board the study is written on is made up of empty space, right?

Carry on in the most intangible way,
xox

I just came back from two days immersed in one part progressive religion, two parts spirituality, and three parts humor.
Which, as long as you’re asking, is a very compatible cocktail combination for me.

And surprisingly, there was cursing and f-bombs — like the cherry on top.

I went with my sister to see Rob Bell Keep Going 2105 in Laguna Beach California.

We were turned on to his dynamic motivational speaking at the Oprah Tour last fall.

He has a background as a pastor, but he is not all Jesus this and bible verse that (which would have simultaneously turned me off, put me to sleep and set my hair on fire). He has a brand of progressive spiritual humor that I could get with.

The other speakers involved were articulate, smart, funny, touching, creative and completely engaging. I loved them all.
Check them out:

Rob Bell is a bestselling author, international teacher, and highly sought after public speaker. His books include The New York Times bestseller Love Wins, along with What We Talk About When We Talk About God, The Zimzum of Love, Velvet Elvis, Sex God, Jesus Wants to Save Christians, Drops Like Stars. At age 28 he founded Mars Hill Bible Church in Michigan, and under his leadership it was one of the fastest-growing churches in America. In 2011 he was profiled in Time Magazine as one of their 100 most influential people. Rob was featured on Oprah’s 2014 Life You Want Tour and will be speaking at venues around the world in 2015 on the Everything is Spiritual Tour. He and his wife Kristen have three children and live in Los Angeles.

Vicky Beeching—
Vicky Beeching is an Oxford-educated theologian, writer, broadcaster and keynote speaker. She appears regularly on BBC TV, Sky News and writes for publications like The Guardian and The Independent. She’s been profiled by The Huffington Post, BBC World Service and Time Magazine Online. Vicky advises the United Nations on LGBT equality and religion. She is based between London, England and Washington D.C., USA.

Carlton Cuse—
Arthur Carlton Cuse is an American screenwriter, show runner and producer, most famous as executive producer and screenwriter for the American television series Lost for which he made the Time magazine list of the 100 most influential people in the world in 2010.Harvard graduate Cuse is also considered a pioneer in transmedia storytelling.

Peter Rollins—
Peter Rollins is a provocative writer, philosopher, storyteller and public speaker who has gained an international reputation for overturning traditional notions of religion and forming “churches” that preach the Good News that we can’t be satisfied, that life is difficult, and that we don’t know the secret.

Peter gained his higher education from Queens University, Belfast and has earned degrees (with distinction) in Scholastic Philosophy (BA Hons), Political Theory (MA) and Post-Structural thought (PhD). He is the author of numerous books, including Insurrection, The Idolatry of God, and The Divine Magician. He was born in Belfast, Northern Ireland, currently lives in Los Angeles and will die somewhere as yet not known.

Pete Holmes—
Pete Holmes is a comedian. Maybe you know him from his podcast You Made It Weird. Or The Pete Holmes Show! Or his videos with FrontPage Films. Maybe you saw his hour special Nice Try, The Devil, or his half-hour Comedy Central Presents. Or on Conan. Or Jimmy Fallon. Or maybe you saw him on VH1. Or heard him as the e*trade baby or on Comedy Central’s Ugly Americans. I mean, who knows. Pete also draws cartoons for The New Yorker, wrote for NBC’s “Outsourced” and FOX’s “I Hate My Teenage Daughter.”

Crazy good, right?

I love attending these things. When they work. There have been instances where I’ve been locked in a room for days with a bunch of New Agey crazies; but this seminar was nothing like that.

This one really hooked me in and everything I suspected about life was confirmed.

And here it is in a nutshell: Human DNA sequences are over 95% identical to chimpanzee sequences and around 50% identical to a banana.
AND
We are so much more alike than we are different.

We all ache with loneliness;

None of us can answer the question of why we are here;

We all spit fire when you fuck with our kids, our loved ones or our core beliefs;

Everyone fears death;

Nobody likes their boat rocked;

Most everyone is afraid of failure;

Mullets are universally abhorred;

and no one has yet to explain God or get his direct mailing address and phone number.

I love knowing that — don’t you?

I sleep better at night knowing there are others like me; curious pain in the asses, who are looking for answers, but more importantly wonder.

Bottom line: Freedom and wonder.
Seems most of us want to be free enough of fear to find the wonder in life.

We all want wonder. A life filled with WONDER.

We want to feel ALIVE and laugh and gasp…a lot… to have miracles and mystical, magical experiences mixed in with paying our taxes and driving carpool.

Is that too much to ask?
Apparently not so much after these last few days.

Don’t you guys also love knowing that at any given time there are hundreds of people just like you gathered together trying to figure out how to make that happen – for everyone?
I do.

Carry on and peace OUT!
xox

Photobomb of Rob Bell with Me, Sue and Patti:

I’d like to say a few words about…double stick tape.

I went through a period in the mid nineties of dressing, well, like a tramp. All thigh-high slits and escaping tits.

Hence, double stick tape became my indispensable wingman.

You see, the pendulum had swung ALLLLLL the way to the other extreme.

It had followed my monk phase. The five years or so where I denied my ample bosom. Previous to that I was somehow blissfully oblivious.

During this phase my boobs, seeming as big as my head, felt too large for my frame, getting in the way of my arms, hiding my feet, changing the channel on the remote if I sneezed — so I basically bound them.

Figures, right?

Everyone wants tits except the ones who have them. Let me just say right here, they are a huge responsibility and most people don’t realize the implications.

Mine were “real and they were spectacular” to quote the famous Seinfeld episode. Unlike me, my breasts actually received a thank you note in the mail for their spectacularness. No kidding.

But they were wasted on me. Until I learned to embrace my bussomy-ness. Hey listen, when your boobs get mail it makes you pay attention.

So this could either be a “the grass is always greener” story or “appreciate the gifts you’re given” tome.

Instead it’s an homage to double stick tape. The disasters it keeps from happening and the secrets it keeps hidden.

But what exactly IS the deal with double stick tape?
The application is tricky at best and an amateur hour shit-fest at worst.

Kind of like false eyelashes, which I have also mastered.

Here’s the thing: it’s all an illusion.
Kind of like Spanx.

Double stick tape;
false eyelashes;
and Spanx.

Ladies and Gentleman, it’s astounding! It’s confounding! Watch and see if you can figure out just how she does it!

My waaaay-too-short skirt and cleavage down-to-there are masterfully taped so as to only imply indecency; they keep all my bits in place yet they tease and taunt you into thinking you just may see…something…

The eyelashes; if you take the time to learn how to apply them (it took me weeks — everyday) look like you have a lifetime supply of Latisse and you spend an hour and a half in a magnifying mirror getting your fifteen coats of mascara just right. Who’s got that kind of time?

VPL? Visible pantie lines? Not his girl.
No thigh jiggle, no belly wiggle, and no deep breaths. Oxygen deprived. For a decade. Ahhhhh…how I hate you — fucking Spanx.

It looks from the outside like it’s all a walking work of perfection. And there’s the story.

Nothing ever is. Perfect that is.

If the tape lifts, the lashes peel or the Spanx fail — the jig is up.

Just know that the next time you observe “perfection”. It’s a labor intensive magic trick.

Post Script: The other day I used the last of my double stick tape to anchor the corner of a rug. My how times have changed.

Carry on,
xox

I saw it when I opened the drawer to get my gardening gloves yesterday.

I was cleaning up after the wind. He has made quite a mess in both my front and back yards the last few days. A fine layer of dirt covering every surface. Leaves, twigs, feathers and discarded cigarette butts lay strewn around and piled up in corners.

We don’t smoke.

My Muse does, so I suppose they’re hers. I’ll have to look for the telltale red lipstick.

The wind always does this the day AFTER the gardener comes. NEVER the day before. He has a twisted sense of humor, he thinks it’s ironic.

It always starts the same way. I pick up a stray piece of trash that has found its way onto the porch. I’m usually in my morning get-up of a combination of pajamas, sweats and flip-flops. Next thing I know, it’s four hours later and I’ve cleaned the gutters and power washed the place. I loose complete track of time and ruin my manicure. This time, about an hour and a half in, it occurred to me to get my gloves.

Sometimes I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed.

So…..I open the drawer of a little table outside.
It sits under the dining room windows and contains a trowel, clippers, gloves and other assorted yard taming junk.

And there it was……a perfect bird’s nest. Tucked inside this shallow drawer, next to a box of stick matches.(see photo).

My heart skipped a beat as I just about lost my mind with delight.

The thing is, I collect birds nests. I have a couple of hummingbird and five or six regular ones of various sizes.

I also believe they’re good luck. It’s a positive sign.
Protection…safety…being looked after.
Shit. Who doesn’t want that?

My husband just shakes his head.
Hey honey — Don’t be a buzz kill.

So many things crossed my mind as I gently removed it from its perfect hiding place.
The mama did a magnificent job.

It was big and warm and cozy. It’s a masterpiece, that nest-in-a-drawer. Truly one of Mother Nature’s miracles.

I remember seeing her, this tiny mama bird, outside the window, gathering bits of home building materials while singing her lovely melody. I’ve decided she’s my hero.

I sit every day writing, just on the other side of her temporary home. I could hear the babies. A couple of weeks ago, they were so vocal I went out and looked up in the trees for a nest. It never occurred to me to look in the drawer.

Note to self: I’ve GOT to develop an imagination. That bird has really raised the bar around here.

Two days ago I came across the body of a little tiny baby bird in another part of the yard. It was right under a tree and I could see the remnants of its nest high above my head. That baby had not fallen out. It was pushed. Probably by a crow.

The crows can be jerks. They dive bomb my dogs. I’ve seen them bully the smaller birds.

That made the nest-in-a-drawer even that much more ingeniously resourceful.
“Not on my watch, asshole” was the message it sent.

Don’t you love nature?
Don’t you love tenacious mothering?
Don’t you love gifts, beautiful little surprises?
I do.

This was a great reminder to appreciate the little things in life. If we are present and look closely, they are all around. These tiny wonders.

And….one more reason to love Saturdays.

Xox

Post Script: I’m reprising this post from last May because I opened the drawer this past Saturday to find she had built the second nest-in-a-drawer in as many years.(See below) I’m dying to meet her and take her for coffee. Honest to God, she’s my hero.
Carry on,
xox

Another giant masterpiece found this week. I am rich in bird’s nests.
(yelp)

Bam!
Just like that on a Sunday morning, something to ponder. You can count on me for that…

So…which will it be today? Courage…or Comfort?
What about tomorrow?
…and the next day?

Carry on,
xox

* This is a brand new post by my latest astrology addiction: Kate Rose.
As I read it I just kept saying: AMEN and I think you will too.
We are all MORE than ready to make the changes required for our futures to begin — Can I get an AMEN?
Carry On you guys,
xox

NEW MOON IN GEMINI — WE ARE FINALLY READY FOR A CHANGE!
BY KATE ROSE

This new moon in Gemini on June 16th is all about finally being ready to embrace change!

We have had some very powerful full moons the past few lunar cycles, and while they tend to be most noticed because of their obvious effects on our lives, new moons are just as important because it is here that the seeds of change are planted.

New moons are very special times in astrology. While full moons call us to action and to step outside of our comfort zones, new moons tend to have us retreat and become more introspective. This is the time when we may crave solitude—especially enjoying quiet moments in nature.

It is also during the darkened skies that the seeds of change are planted.

This new moon on the 16th is very special, it comes right after our full moon in Sagittarius that was all about new beginnings. But new beginnings can be scary, and sometimes our egos question us as to if we are ready.

Next week, we will not only think we are ready—we will know we are.

We have been gathering information in the past few weeks since the last full moon, but because Mercury has been retrograde we haven’t been able to take what we’ve learned and either communicate that to others, or make the physical changes necessary to manifest it.

All that is about to change.

Gemini is about taking information and channeling that into positive action. Once Mercury turns direct we will begin thinking more clearly about all that we have been absorbing and learning the past few weeks. Topics that most likely will come up are long-term career goals—especially of an entrepreneurial nature, and romantic relationships.

Gemini is a sign that is quick-thinking and independent, they also are great self-starters, and usually do best multitasking. In combination with the new moon energy and Mercury just having turned direct we are going to be inspired to set off on our own career path. Maybe we’ve been considering starting up our own business, or begin working on a creative endeavor such as a writing a book. This new moon is going to give us the confidence and the get-up-and-go initiative to make our dreams a reality!

Gemini is represented by the twins, and embodies the ying/yang energy––it is also the sign of Twin Flames. Even the symbol of the sign is identical to 11, which is an important numerology aspect of the Twin Flames. This moon has the ability to shake things up a bit romantically; it’s best to take the next week or so and enjoy life as it currently is because things are about to change––and in a big way!

The ruling planet for Gemini is Mercury which turns direct on June 12th, but Mars will also be hanging out in that same sign. Get ready for some fireworks! Mars is the planet of passion, of decisive action and urgency. We are sick of being patient and in a week or so, it will be nothing but a distant memory (alleluia!).

Sometimes, we like to make quiet slow changes, like the past full moons. They were deliberate, mature, rational decisions. This time though, we will have grown tired of waiting, and realize that there isn’t much point in it any longer.

We will want the future to begin today!

For the first time in a long time we actually feel ready for change! Not only that, but we are clear about why we want it, and how best to manifest it. There is no sitting on the fence about this, our heads and our hearts are clear about what direction we need and want to move in…and we will feel the confidence in doing so.

We have been asking a lot of our hearts lately. We have been digging to the depths of them, removing the cobwebs and seeing what makes them tick. It’s been frustrating this past month because we haven’t been able to take our thoughts and feelings and put them to words. All that is coming to an end as Mars in Gemini is going to give us the drive and passion to say exactly what we want and what we are feeling.

The time for waiting has come to an end. Even though we usually tend to be more relaxed and calm at new moons, don’t be surprised if in the next week you find yourself unable to sleep. We are antsy at the exciting changes that we can feel are just on the horizon and within reach.

Although we feel peaceful and relaxed because we have taken the necessary steps to learn all we can, and to process whatever that means for us, we simply can’t wait any longer.

Not only are we ready for change, but we want it now.

New Moon Ritual:(You know me I LOVE a good ritual-JB)

While we can plant seeds of change in our minds and hearts during this time, it’s actually a wonderful time to manifest these dreams and wishes out into the universe.

What to do:

On the paper write your intentions or wishes that you would like to come true––write from the heart. Then take the paper and fold three times, and tie the twine around the paper. Bury it into the dirt, plant your seeds and then water.

As your actual seeds begin to grow so will your intentions that you set. Be aware that most of the seeds of change that are planted like this take at least three lunar cycles to manifest, so have patience with yourself and with the universe.

*Kate Rose is an artist, free-thinker, lover, writer, passionate yogi, teacher, mother, rule breaker and rebel. She can usually be found walking barefoot in the moonlight between worlds with the dreams of stars still hanging in her hair while swaying her hips to the music of life; smelling of sweet bourbon and honeysuckle. She lives for adventure and wakes each morning with the excitement of a new day waiting to unfold at her feet. She truly believes the best is yet to come and waits, with bated breath, to see what it may hold. Follow her on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram, and find more of her words on her website.

http://wordsofkaterose.com

This is from last summer but I like it — which is rare.
Happy Friday!
xox

At the center of your being you have the answer; you know who you are, and what you want
~ Lao Tzu

I can remember doing this exercise in one of Diana’s meditation workshops years ago after I had read about it in a book from my long distant past (please don’t ask me which one, that I can’t remember) I just remember being gobsmacked over the realization that the cells of my body may collectively know more than my brain, how I actually feel about things – so we tried it.

We being the women in the Wednesday group, and no men, you don’t need a uterus to try this exercise although it IS about observing the reaction your body has to certain words.

As a matter of fact one of my male friends says his butt puckers up.
Ha! I’ve got ya now…….keep reading, you’ll understand in a minute.

Words carry energy, on that we all agree, correcto?

Certain words can either feel expansive or contracting.

Expansive words/energy have to do with keeping your heart open, being receptive, being vulnerable.
Arms uncrossed, face and upper body open.

Contracting words/energy are all about fear, suppression, closing the gate, hoisting up the drawbridge and filling the moat with water – and a dragon.
Gathering in, armoring up and closing down.

Try this out, it’s visceral, the change may be subtle, but you will feel SOMETHING,
And that feeling is what you want to be on the lookout for.
Here goes. Say the word aloud:

Cancer
Money
Vacation
Commitment
Puppy
Deadline
Hospital
I Love you
Snake
Failure
Hate
I’m proud of you
Idiot

Did you feel it, that very subtle, or not so subtle opening and closing reaction as your body feeeeeeeels the energy of each word?

If you’re a doctor the word hospital probably won’t trigger you negatively, although, if someone says to you: They had to rush Timmy to the hospital!
I doubt you’ll feel nothing.

The same thing with money. It can have a very expansive feeling for some, and make others want to jump off a bridge.
That word has felt different ways to me at different times in my life, same word, just different energy.

Puppy is a mixed word for me nowadays also. 😉

Snakes? Snakes make me shiver. ‘Nuf said.

Remember: Language is a powerful thing, it can harm people as efficiently as a weapon, or raise someone’s soul to new heights, so be careful – really.

It can also give you the insight you need when your mind is chewing on a problem like a dog with a bone.

Say the word or words that coincide with what you’re thinking about out loud, and see how it feels in your body. Voila! There’s your answer.

I quit
I’m pregnant
Marry me
Let’s move
I’m leaving
I’m sorry

It’s a good one, I know!
Keep practicing and you’ll get better and better at figuring out how you REALLY feel about things.

If you feel inclined to comment, please do below. Remember the tribe learns a lot when you share from the heart.

Much love,
xox

It was heavier than I had imagined, and it left little bits of…something…all over the front of me, as a lovely parting gift.

“There.” I said after I dropped it down and kicked it into place. A brand new doormat large enough for the double front doors of the house rental project I’m working on.

As per my instructions: No flowers, no bright colors, nothing cutesy, completely inoffensive.
Just a simple tan-colored mat made of choir with a thin border and the word WELCOME in black. Not even a dark sinister black. A hue of medium blackish. A happy black, if you will.

“Oh my Gawd, I love everything!” she squealed.
We were near the end of this hellacious project and one of the principles had just finished a self guided tour of the place.

With such a limited budget the transformation was nothing short of amazing.

You could say it was alchemy. I’d call it a miracle. Right up there with turning water into wine, straw into gold, Bruce into Caitlyn.

“Oh, except that. I don’t like that at all.” All the gushing had stopped dead.
I turned my head to see what she was pointing and glaring at. Her response was definitive and whatever it was — Had. To. Go.

It was the freakin’ doormat.

“I hate when they say welcome.” she pronounced. “Take it back and get a plain one. No WELCOME.” and with that she went back inside and the gushing resumed.

It never occurred to me that the word WELCOME on a front doormat could elicit such a strong reaction.

Interesting…

“You’re right…you’re right.” I replied, struggling to pick up the mat and carry it back to the truck, thinking of my own bright blue front door mat that says HELLO in friendly white cursive.

Feeling rejected, the ginormous WELCOME mat put up a struggle going back to the truck and I was out of breath.
“They should start a line of doormats that read GO AWAY or DON’T BOTHER ME or GET OUT OF HERE. Someone is missing out on a fortune.” I gasped.

I figured I was far enough away that she couldn’t hear me, but from inside I heard laughter. “I’d buy those.” I heard her say.

Huh.

You Are Not Welcome.

The insight hit me like a bolt of lightning.

Maybe you can tell a lot about a person by their front door mat.

Some people, this woman included, do not lay out the welcome mat.
Not ever.
Not to their home, their feelings, their story or their life.

They are private and guarded and I get it.
Obviously that is a land I do not inhabit — but I read her loud and clear.

From where she stands WELCOME in friendly black letters — is a dirty word.

It was right then that the entire project began to make sense.
All white, beige and taupe.
No color.
Nothing with any personality.
Key word: Utilitarian.

Nothing offends, nothing makes an impression — it is a blank slate.

You know what? She’s right. It’s a rental.
Don’t leave anything of yourself behind. No clues to who you might be or what you like.
A brightly colored pillow belies whimsy, a choice of art shows your taste.

Don’t give yourself away to strangers and for Godsakes — no Welcome mats.

Oh well, to each his own.
Carry on,
xox

Do you have an aversion to WELCOME mats? Are you that private and guarded? Talk to me.

Hey Guys,
With the current, crazy, clean out the fridge of the smelly stuff in the waaaaay back energy out there; there is some residual pain coming up.
Or is it new pain?
Doesn’t matter. Pain is pain and it hurts like hell.

This is a great essay by Danielle LaPorte (she’s the boss) about this very subject. It is direct and to the point (just like we count on Danielle to be) no butterflies or rainbows — just truth.
I think you guys can handle that.
Love you BIG,
xox

Take it away Danielle:

Current Pain or Departing Pain? How to access your agony.

There is the pain you feel because it’s deep in your being, in real-time, working on you.

Current Pain and Departing Pain.

Current pain is the hurt you’re carrying with you today. It’s in the vicinity of your core. It doesn’t matter when the pain was inflicted — a few days ago in a meeting, or ongoingly in the way your partner withholds, or by a past childhood trauma. Lingering or acute, if it’s affecting you now — if you’re still healing, it’s real time pain.

Departing pain is, as it suggests, on it’s way out. It’s your current pain transforming, loosening, lifting. And Lord have mercy, this is just what you want to have happen — for the pain to leave you.

Except… departing pain isn’t any lighter or easier as it leaves your system. In fact, on it’s way out, departing pain can be wretched. It’s like the last few heaves of getting poison out of your system. Just when you thought you’d purged it all, your body lurches with one more hurl to make sure the toxins are good an’ gone. That last lurch can catch you off guard. Where did that come from? And it’s … extra painful.

Assessing your pain

So here’s what to do when you’re in pain: Identify if you’re in Current Pain or Departing Pain. Current pain says: I’m dealing with the pain. This pain needs my attention. Departing pain says: I’ve learned all I can from this pain. I’m letting go. This pain is leaving me.

Do you need more healing time?

Current pain needs time — a few weeks… a few decades, such is life. It requires tears and therapeutic conversations, pilgrimages and fires. It’s the spirit’s creative tension. It’s the recovery process we’re in. It’s what we’re managing to varying degrees of stifling darkness to occasionally triggered sadness.

Departing pain comes after you’ve fully felt the current pain. Let me say that another way: The pain starts to lift after you’ve gone through it. Let me put that differently: Once you’ve gone down with the pain, examined it, smelled it, talked to it, squeezed it, then it’s done it’s job and it’s ready to fully transform. One more time: Feel it to free it.

Are you ready? (Get ready because it’s going to hurt more. But it’s good.)

Let’s say you’ve done the work. You’ve felt that pain (you’re amazing and courageous). You learned so much from that pain. You’re so damn DONE with that pain. You’re feeling so free, so present, so moved on and then…WHAM. More of the SAME pain. What the hell?! Didn’t you work through this already? You were doing so well and then you want to curl up in a ball or break something. Isn’t this over with yet? (Yes, almost.)

Departing pain tends to catch you off guard. Which makes you get all judgey with yourself because you’ve come so far. Expansion/contraction. Expansion/contraction.

If you’re in Current pain over something, you’re going to keep doing your healing work. Keep calm and call your shaman. You can do this.

Or if you’re in Departing Pain, here’s what you’re going to do: You’re going to not judge yourself for being pathetic. You’re going to feel the pain like a champ. And you’re going to start making celebration plans because you are crossing the finish line. The pain is leaving! It’s never going to be this bad again!

When you’re in pain, you have to feel it to free it.

Take heart! The final round of agony is a purification process.tweet It’s not wounding you deeper, it’s cleaning you as it says goodbye. You’re not stuck, you’re about to fly — higher than ever.
Please be encouraging. We all need more of it. Forward this piece to someone who is in the throes.

All Love,
Danielle

www.daniellelaporte.com