When Insults Had Class

 

Sadly, we have arrived at a time where insults are a dime a dozen. We have an Insulter-In-Chief who tweets out numerous insults a day. They revolve around demeaning nicknames, verbal bullying, and other 7th grade tactics. I miss the days of elevated insults. The kind that were so intelligent as to be mistaken for a compliment. And if delivered with an English accent—so much the better. I hope these make you laugh. Carry on, xox.  Here are some glorious insults are from an era “before” the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words. A member of Parliament to Disraeli:“Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.” “That depends, Sir, “ said Disraeli, “whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.” “He had delusions of adequacy .” -Walter Kerr “He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” – Winston Churchill “I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” -Clarence Darrow “He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.” -William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway) “Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.” -Moses Hadas “I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” -Mark Twain “He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.” -Oscar Wilde “I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one.” -George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill “Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second… if there is one.” -Winston Churchill, in response. “I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.” -Stephen Bishop “He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” -John Bright “I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.” -Irvin S. Cobb “He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.” -Samuel Johnson “He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.” – Paul Keating “In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.” -Charles, Count Talleyrand “He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.” -Forrest Tucker “Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?” -Mark Twain “His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” -Mae West “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” -Oscar Wilde “He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts… for support rather than illumination.” -Andrew Lang (1844-1912) “He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.” -Billy Wilder “I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But I’m afraid this wasn’t it.” -Groucho Marx