Wake Me Up When It’s All Over…

“So wake me up when it’s all over, when I’m wiser an I’m older.”
~Avicii

So, things around me have been more chaotic than usual, like times a thousand, which has led me, forced me, to change my behavior…a lot!

Because had I continued along my usual path, my head would have exploded or even worse— I may have started speaking in tongues, and not the religious kind, the spooky kind, leaving me with a vocabulary so…perverse that it would have left even you guys at a loss. 

Sometimes in life, you just have to come to terms with the fact that nothing is working and you need to step away. It becomes evident that if you proceed, you do so at you’re own peril — and by peril I mean you risk alienating everyone within earshot. Maybe even the one person on earth who loves you first thing in the morning.

So, for the past 6-8 weeks the fan blew shit and here was the struggle on any given day:

What I wanted to do– Rage, yell out my car window, flip this table, write an op-ed to every paper in the country, send nasty cards, sue my oral surgeon, relitigate every perceived wrong (which is the actual opposite of a genuine wrong), call people and tell them I hate them and list all the reasons why, marinate in sadness, punch strangers, kick my dog, send hate mail, cut my own bangs, change my phone number, run with scissors, eat every carb that wasn’t nailed down, run away from home, pick nits, cry for days and basically burn my life to the ground. 

I know none of you can relate, right?

What I actually did—Slept, took baths, slept, binge-watched Netflix, slept, ran my bad ideas by people I trust who assured me that they were a mistake, cried, slept, ate what I wanted but in moderation, cut down on caffeine, stayed off most Social Media, cut myself some slack for being so angry, cut myself a break for being unable to hike, started forgiving myself (but only a little) for being human, and searched like a fucking bloodhound for gratitude.

What I didn’t do— write this blog, spew toxic shit out into the aether, talk to people, visit friends, say or do anything I couldn’t take back. 

Usually, I run toward a situation like it’s a house on fire. It’s just my nature. Quick, direct, confrontation. Bing, bang, boom!

If these past two months have taught me anything, (besides the fact that giant serving spoonfuls of peanut butter do, in fact, give me zits) it’s that the only sane solution was to back away. Now, in hindsight, it was the right thing to do, but OMG I have to tell you that did NOT sit well with me! 

I don’t know about you, but when I’m sad and I haven’t come to terms with it yet, RAGE shows up, and if I’d listened to that turd I would have irrevocably torched my life into one of those crispy, black french fries that lurks in the bottom of the bag. 

All this to say, hey, you haven’t heard from me in a while because I didn’t really have anything nice to say, and the Universe cooperated by hijacking my website. 

But just know I  love you, and I’m back—tears cried, anger in check, bangs intact and eyebrows unsinged.

Carry on, 
xox