I’m Down In The Fever Swamp With The Douche Canoes

Some pecker head stole the wands again and my heart is broken.
Not for the reasons you think although they DO come into play.

The fact that some shit bag had a heart so black as to steal magic wands.
All of them.
And the bucket with the sign asking them to please NOT steal the wands because, you know, it upset the kids.

Well, I am gobsmacked. Literally. It felt like the gob has been smacked right outta me.

“Thou shalt not ever steal magic wands.”
It is written right there in the Being a Decent Human Being (& Wizard) Handbook.
Not really. No one thought to it put it there—because no one could ever fathom that some fuck trumpet would steal an entire bucket of wands!

So I stand before you broken hearted.

The first time they were stolen I rolled with it. I pictured a Robin Hood of Wands gifting all of the wizards and fairies in need. Or a little toe-headed girl misinterpreting the “free” sign as my lion-hearted, fellow Pollyanna friend Sandra had suggested.

Not this time. This time I’m wicked pissed.
I have an edge about it. I want the ass badger to suffer. I need to punch the culprit in the face and that’s one of the things that breaks my heart.

My husband is convinced it was perpetrated by a marauding band of teenage boys. Dickless teenage hoodlums if you ask me.

It breaks my heart because where others see fucktards I usually see the goodness in humanity.
To a fault. Ask anyone. I’ve been told it’s infuriating.
I try my damnedest to veer my way out of the rabbit hole we all fell into around the first of the year and endeavor to overlook the mean-spiritedness and hate-speak.

Not today.

My broken heart has unleashed the Kraken of all the disappointments I’ve been feeling about who we’re all becoming.
What the hell has happened to us as a country/city/neighborhood?
What has happened to common decency?
To “not saying anything when you can’t say something nice?”
What’s happened to minding your own business and being “polite?”

It used to be that there was an unspoken rule that woman and children were off-limits to the haters. Not anymore!
What world have I been thrust into?
Now according to a few assorted butt munchers out there, we’re viewed as a bunch of weak sucks who need to learn to stick up for ourselves.

My guess is it’s the same mean-spirited fucks who steal magic wands.

And that breaks my heart too.

So today, this minute, I have joined their ranks. I am filled with anger and hate and I’m throwing verbal Molotov cocktails all over this page. I feel just like they do—disempowered and misunderstood—and it feels like shit. And it breaks my heart.

But I will work hard to recover my delightful disposition.  Will they? And when I do I have a warning for those dick weasels: Do not underestimate me. You do so at your own peril.

Carry on,
xox