Thursday Throwback ~ Spirit of the Stairway

“People in France have a phrase: “Spirit of the Stairway.” In French: esprit d’Escalier.
It means that moment when you find the answer but it’s too late.

So you’re at a party and someone insults you. You have to say something. So, under pressure, with everybody watching, you say something lame. But the moment you leave the party . . . as you start down the stairway, then – magic. You come up with the perfect thing you should’ve said. The perfect crippling put down. That’s the Spirit of the Stairway.”
― Chuck Palahniuk

I love this quote. Who hasn’t lived this exact scenario? Thinking up the perfect, most erudite, witty response to office jackass—in the car —on the way home!

F%@k!

My husband and his family are French and a French insult is like no other in the world. It is sublime. Much like fashion and food, they have elevated it to an art form.

What other culture has an entire phrase dedicated to it?

A French insult is subtle. Smooth. It is cloaked in a back-handed compliment and always accompanied by a smile. Well, a smirk actually.

“That dress is very pretty…so much better than the one you wore last night.”
Smirk, double cheek kiss, and…scene.

Ouch. 

“Ahhhh, darling, you look…tired.” 

Gahhhhhh! That’s the worst!

Although I’m the first person to utter bitch under my breath, I don’t waste my time searching for the crippling zinger.
Listen, don’t get me wrong, if I want to eviscerate you verbally, I can. I’m a writer.

“I have lots of words.” ~ D. Trump

It’s just that a put-down or a jab seems… pedestrian—like the easy choice.

I’d rather be ironic and humorous, wouldn’t you?
Humor defuses a situation immediately. Magic comes to those who are funny, not insulting.

Besides, the French don’t know what to make of humor. Generally speaking, they are bored with life, and let’s face it— they wouldn’t recognize it if it bit them in the ass —they laugh at Jerry Lewis for godsakes!

If I get pissed, I get stupid. And frustrated. I stutter or start crying. End of story.

So, don’t get angry. Get funny. Or droll. Or provocative.

You have to stay smart to be funny, and when the whole room laughs…they remember the joke, not the insult. And that’s spirit!

“Thank you,” you say softly with all the manufactured sincerity you can muster, “This dress is so comfortable… I’m not wearing anything underneath.”  Wink, wink, double cheek kiss…and out.

You get the idea.

Take your time. Don’t you dare leave the party until you’ve said your piece.

You can double back, there’s no statute of limitations on a party insult reply.

It doesn’t have to be “spirit of the stairway.” It can be “spirit of the driveway” or “spirit of the hallway.”
Take it from me, “Spirit of the back patio” and “spirit of the powder room” works too.

Doesn’t matter. Let ‘em it have it.
With humor.

Carry on my crazy tribe,
xox