10 Things I Suck At — But Do Anyway ~ Reprise
Morning!
This was written last fall during the election when I still held out hope that one (or both) of the candidates would succumb to a fever-dream which would result in some kind of self-reflection that would lead to sanity. Alas, my hopes were dashed. Crushed. Blown to bits.
Anyhow, as sure as I am at the existence of gravity (ask my boobs), I know that everyone sucks at something.
My sister sucks at feeding anything smaller than an army.
My husband sucks at telephone chit-chat.
And besides dancing, playing poker (I cannot control my face), dealing with uncertainty, facing failure, and eating just one potato chip, here is a longer list of my suckiness from last year.
Carry on,
xox
There once was a man, running for the highest elected office in the land, who considered himself to be perfect in every way.
We can all agree, that’s absurd, right?
I mean a certain amount of self-esteem is terrific, don’t get me wrong. But I also think it’s a helpful practice to be somewhat self-aware. To know your strengths and your weaknesses. That way you can surround yourself with people who compliment you.
Folks who are great at ALL the things that you suck at—and vice-versa.
So, that got me to thinking…here’s the short list of what I totally suck at:
1. Sports. I am athletically challenged. I do, however, have amazing eye-hand coordination that I have yet to capitalize on.
2. Staying on my side of the bed at night. I possess an unconscious desire to spread out. My husband’s nickname for me is starfish.
3. Backing up. In the car. I had a series of unfortunate metal-on-metal incidents while in reverse a few years back and so now I suffer from a form of Reverse PTSD.
4. Returning phone calls. I’m the worst. I remind myself so often to call someone back that after a while I mistakenly think I already have. That’s crazy, I know.
5. Wearing shoes. I have a passion for shoes and I own way too many pairs. Especially for someone who spends 99.9% of her time barefoot. I have driven all the way to the gym or worse yet, up the mountain to my hike only to discover once I’m there that I’m barefoot!
6. Making a soft-boiled (runny) egg. I am the world’s leading over-cooker of eggs. Sorry. Can’t do it. The end.
7. Reading. I know that doesn’t make sense. I read a lot. But a book has to really catch me by the end of the first page or I’ll put to down—and forget about it. I currently have, no lie, seven or eight partially read books lying around the house. Shame on me.
8. Making a decent vinaigrette. My husbands are to die for. Mine? Meh. It always tastes how I imagine motor oil does. Motor oil with a splash of lemon and too much pepper.
9. Sneezing quietly. You know those people who can silence their sneeze? I am not one of them. Mine is so loud—like a gunshot. I can’t help it. They sneak up on me and startle those around me. They can actually scare my husband to the point anger.
10. Tolerating lying. I simply cannot. I can smell a lie. I should work for the FBI. So… this Presidential campaign? You cannot even imagine how many times my head has spun around in the eighteen months since this madness started.
11. I know I said ten but I suck at spelling and it needs to be mentioned. I used to excel at it. I won spelling contests in grade school. I used to correct other people’s spelling mistakes for shit’s sake! Now, I absolutely SUCK at it! I misspell my own name. I blame technology. Spellcheck. Auto correct. And laziness.
12. I suck at gambling and dancing and I don’t follow directions either. so…twelve, thirteen, fourteen.
Care to share a few of yours?
Carry on,
xox
Okay…these are good!
