10 Things I Suck At

10 Things I Suck At

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There once was a man, running for the highest elected office in the land, who considered himself to be perfect in every way.

We can all agree, that’s absurd, right?

I mean a certain amount of self-esteem is terrific, don’t get me wrong. But I also think it’s a helpful practice to be somewhat self-aware. To know your strengths and your weaknesses. That way you can surround yourself with people who compliment you.

Folks who are great at ALL the things that you suck at—and vice-versa.
So, that got me to thinking…here’s the short list of what I totally suck at:

1. Sports. I am athletically challenged. I do, however, have amazing eye-hand coordination that I have yet to capitalize on.

2. Staying on my side of the bed at night. I possess an unconscious desire to spread out. My husband’s nickname for me is starfish.

3. Backing up. In the car. I had a series of unfortunate metal-on-metal incidents while in reverse a few years back and so now I suffer from a form of Reverse PTSD.

4. Returning phone calls. I’m the worst. I remind myself so often to call someone back that after a while I mistakenly think I already have. That’s crazy, I know.

5. Wearing shoes. I have a passion for shoes and I own way too many pairs. Especially for someone who spends 99.9% of her time barefoot. I have driven all the way to the gym or worse yet, up the mountain to my hike only to discover once I’m there that I’m barefoot!

6. Making a soft-boiled (runny) egg. I am the world’s leading over-cooker of eggs. Sorry. Can’t do it. The end.

7. Reading. I know that doesn’t make sense. I read a lot. But a book has to really catch me by the end of the first page or I’ll put to down—and forget about it. I currently have, no lie, seven or eight partially read books lying around the house. Shame on me.

8. Making a decent vinaigrette. My husbands are to die for. Mine? Meh. It always tastes how I imagine motor oil does. Motor oil with a splash of lemon and too much pepper.

9. Sneezing quietly. You know those people who can silence their sneeze? I am not one of them. Mine is so loud—like a gunshot. I can’t help it. They sneak up on me and startle those around me. They can actually scare my husband to the point anger.

10. Tolerating lying. I simply cannot. I can smell a lie. I should work for the FBI. So… this Presidential campaign?  You cannot even imagine how many times my head has spun around in the eighteen months since this madness started.

11. I know I said ten but I suck at spelling and it needs to be mentioned. I used to excel at it. I won spelling contests in grade school. I used to correct other people’s spelling mistakes for shit’s sake! Now, I absolutely SUCK at it! I misspell my own name. I blame technology. Spellcheck. Auto correct. And laziness.

12. I suck at gambling and dancing and I don’t follow directions either. so…twelve, thirteen, fourteen.

Care to share a few of yours?

Carry on,
xox

 

Okay…these are good!

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4 Comments
  • dominator says:

    The only thing I suck at is humility… and life has been good enough, over and over, to nudge me in the right direction.
    Number 6 and 8 go hand in hand, especially in a “frisé” salad; but if you put bacon in it, it won’t matter.

    • jbertolus says:

      Humility. Huh. I would have never guessed that for you Dominator. And you’re right. Bacon makes everything alright.
      xoxjanet

  • Maggy Brown says:

    #s1,6,8,9,10, 11 &12 are some of my many flaws. Especially the lacking vinaigrette skills. We have so much in common–we could become BFFs. Ha!

    • jbertolus says:

      Wow, we should Maggy!
      BTW, This was sent to me today by a reader/friend to help us out:
      1/3 vinegar and/or lemon juice and/or balsamic. Put in some salt and a drop of sweet ( honey, sugar, jam, molasses, frozen limeade concentrate). Now add grated garlic or shallot( that’s what my French boyfriend from years ago did ). Mustard if you want. Add 2/3 oil and whip with a fork to emulsify. If it doesn’t become dressing within a few seconds, you can beat in a half teaspoon of mayo to get things moving. Xoxoxo
      Ha! You’re welcome!
      xox Janet

Hi, I’m Janet

Mentor. Pirate. Dropper of F-bombs.

This is where I write about my version of life. My stories. Told in my own words.

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