Thank You to All The Late People

Thank You to All The Late People

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Thank you, doctor, for keeping me waiting forty minutes for my fifteen-minute, two hundred and fifty dollar consultation.
I was your second appointment of the day. How could you be running that far behind? Never mind, it doesn’t matter. I’m firing you on account of bad time management. I may not have all the letters after my name, but my time is just as valuable as yours.

Thank you, dear friend who is chronically late because she can never find parking.
Because of you I keep a ten-minute window ahead of all my appointments, even lunch dates, to make sure I can wrangle the admittedly criminal lack of sufficient parking in Los Angeles.
I love you so I’ll tolerate this one character flaw.

Thank you every commercial airline I’ve ever flown.
You treat departure and arrival times as loose suggestions, which has forced me to get all the apps that alert me of your lateness so that I don’t end up getting trapped at the airport, overspending at the duty-free shops, or standing so long at the arrivals gate that I end up printing a random name on a box lid just to fit in.

As long as I’m venting, thank you private jet travel.
I’ve been fortunate to partake in your luxurious expediency and I must say: You have ruined me.
It is my belief that NO individual who is financially incapable of sustaining their own jet ( which is 99% of us), should be allowed to fly private.
It is a mind fuck on steroids.
When they say they’re leaving at 10, you may arrive at 9:50, but you will be wildly, inappropriately, “rookie” early because by 9:53 someone will have taken your bags, lead you to your double-wide, leather, Barcalounger; peeled you a grape, dipped you a strawberry, massaged your feet and told you a joke. There is no long security line, no barefooted X-ray pat down or frantic belt removal.
And if everyone is on board by 9:54 — they just take off.
What?
It’s too good. I can’t take it! Never again.

And last but not least thank you over-entitled rock singers. You know who you are.
At my current age of fifty-seven I’m well aware that I’ve wasted vast portions of my youth, hundreds if not thousands of hours, waiting for you to start your fucking concerts and I’m pissed and I want that time back! I know you’ve been to the arena or stadium. You had a soundcheck and a driver for Pete’s sake. Why can’t you manage to be fed, made-up and dressed by showtime? I can.
Is that too much to ask for the millions we’re paying to see you live? I just don’t get.

And thank you, Taylor Swift. Although I’ve yet to see you live, I heard you start your set right on time. Just one of the things I love about you.

Sorry about that, I just needed to vent. I have a thing about punctuality!
What about you? Are you late as a habit? Do you think it’s rude? How long will you wait for someone?

Carry on,
xox

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6 Comments
  • reny salamon says:

    Apologies for the rant…. But really….

  • reny salamon says:

    Don’t know how I missed this one. Excessive Tardiness drives me nuts. I understand late at times because of my business that runs on timing. Its honestly unfoutunate that life is so linear… But it is what it is. No Boo boo story but I work hard to stay on time and it can be rather crazy making for any one who’s livelyhood revolves around time. I’ll never forget being at a seminar once and hearing the speaker say that people who are consistently late are saying Fuck you…. To you and your time…. Rather harsh I know but that hit home for me and those I love who could never be on time and worse…. never apologize, What? yes really. I was taught the 15 minute rule by teachers in business, and agree… I believe that we should present a bill for our time wasted to Doctors and dentists for the hour plus of waiting time for hourly rate. … Some of us have a much higher hourly rate than they do. Might help them stay on time … Right?

  • dominator says:

    You have touched on one of my biggest peeve.
    A very “wealthy and important” friend of mine (he has the private transportation) taught me to give people 15 minutes grace period. Fifteen minutes, that’s it.
    Then leave. No matter what, no matter who or even if it’s at your house or office. Just leave.
    When they show up, let them deal with the moral vacuum they created and learn that, as you said: “My time is just as valuable as yours”.

Hi, I’m Janet

Mentor. Pirate. Dropper of F-bombs.

This is where I write about my version of life. My stories. Told in my own words.

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