Devotion – With A Side Of Emotion

Devotion – With A Side Of Emotion

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DEVOTION

de·vo·tion
dəˈvōSH(ə)n/
noun.
1.) Love, loyalty, or enthusiasm for a person, activity
synonyms: loyalty, faithfulness, fidelity, constancy, commitment, adherence,allegiance, dedication.

2.) Religious worship or observance.
synonyms: devoutness, piety, religiousness, spirituality, godliness, holiness, sanctity
“a life of devotion”

3.) Prayers or religious observances.

Devotion. What does that mean to me? What does it mean to you?

As a Catholic I thought I had an idea; but the edges have blurred and I’ve been left to define it for myself.

This is an interesting time of year.
It’s ripe with the energy of endings; and new beginnings.
Deaths and re-births —— figuratively and literally.

We can practice our devotion inside this energy of change with Easter, Passover, the full moon, eclipses, and all other assortments of ancient and new age cosmic rites of passage.

Take me for instance; I am sitting as I write this, in a pew, basking in the warm glow of stained glass, inside of St. John The Baptist De La Salle Catholic Church— the church I grew up in — the church of my youth.

The one where I whiled away hour after hour of my childhood.
Some in innocent devotion, kneeling with sweaty little girl hands piously folded together, fervently praying my little girl prayers and later, in a pre-pubescent stupor, stifling yawns during my eight years there in the late sixties, early seventies.

Now, I’ve gotta tell ya, this retired Catholic is finding it…surreal to be back here, and I have to make this snappy.

I could spontaneously combust if the powers-that-be realize I’m here, or the light from that stained glass baby Jesus hits me just right.

All kidding aside, recently my Catholic roots have been calling me. Their siren’s song running lightly in the background of my life.

It all started when I began burning Frankincense incense in the mornings. I attempted subconsciously to counteract its effects by simultaneously playing a Buddhist chant, with mixed results — that smell to me, still to this day signals Lent.
Then I noticed, lo and behold it is exactly that time of year. Hmmmm…

That smell transports me back to Stations Of The Cross, a ritual of remembrance of the worst day in the life of Jesus Christ.

As a little girl I loved rituals.
The smells, the cool, dimly lit ambiance, the notes played on the organ that resonated inside my chest and head, and the drone of the priest’s voice. They all conspired to “send me” to another place and time. (still do).

As I write this there is an actual organ rehearsal happening right this minute. Sending me…

Yet, even as that devout little girl I had a hard time wrapping my brain around commemorating the days leading up to someone’s horrible, torturous, barbaric death and THAT little kernel of doubt right there started my life as a seeker.

Devotion as religious observance.
I sat with my dearly departed father Friday in another church much closer to my home, (that now makes it twice in one week, a personal record as an adult).

We sat together devoutly, he with his invisible hand on my knee to keep me from bolting during Stations Of The Cross, the first one I’ve sat throughout since eighth grade. It was faster and much…dryer than I remembered.

And no fragrance of frankincense — a crushing disappointment.

Still, I sat with my dad on the tenth anniversary of his passing; in church; during Lent; and only one of us made it out alive…barely.

I’ll tell anyone I did it for him, but truth be told, that experience was calling ME.

Devotion.  

To others?  To a practice?  To a cause? 

I think we can all relate to that.

How about…

Devotion as Love and loyalty, enthusiasm for a person or an activity.

To tradition.

To family , friends and matters of the heart.

To times past.

To ritual.

To the planet.

To sacred places; temples, sanctuaries, churches, nature, Sephora, the bakery.

To whatever sends you and floats your boat.

To kindness and courage.

To mala beads, crystals, chanting, yoga and meditation.

To ancient childhood memories resurfacing.

To triggers; Smells. Sounds. People.

I’m getting a bit misty eyed over here.
It must be a combination of the lousy organ music (he just needs more practice), and fact that my fifty-seven year old butt is currently seated on the same hard wooden bench that my innocently sweet, but always questioning, seven-year old butt sat.

Devotion to change.
I used to believe that religion and spirituality were mutually exclusive.
One told you no, the other said… perhaps.

Call it old age, or just a general unclenching of the fists that happens naturally over time; but I’m finding myself more and more belonging to Team Meh where our motto is: “Well, that’s not my thing — but good for you!”

Devotion to Neutrality or I’m in a Switzerland State of Mind
Daily I struggle with judgement. I know, it’s just me.
I’m striving to be for more things than I’m against.

I feel like after this week I can move the Catholic religion to my neutral list. At last!

Some people hang out in groovy cafes and write.
I sit weeping in Catholic Churches.

Who knows what’s next?

Can you explain devotion? What are you devoted to, I’d love to know.

Happy Easter & Passover my loves,
Xox

9 Comments
  • reny salamon says:

    Devotion….Just Read it. Uncanny timing as usual Janet. Not surprised and yet confirmed as you often do in your pieces.

    For the past week, I have been sensing Mega change. My son Santino and I went to San Francisco to kick off his spring break and to shoot images of architecture and nature.

    Part of one day was spent shooting the church that my family have been a part of since before I was born and where I worshipped and later married.

    After collecting the images I wanted, I asked Santino if he would join me inside and he responded with No and that he was there when his mother and I were married. (10 years before his birth) I understood clearly and went inside alone. As soon as I was in, tapped my self the sign of the cross with holy water and knelt down, I understood a purpose was at hand and followed my intuitive guidance.

    I lit candles for my non existent family, for my ex and for our son. I said a brief affirming prayer then walked over to a pew and sat down.

    My position of seating was all so familiar… It was in that pew I sat at the age of 19 alone and crying and could not understand why.

    Now at 57 it’s quite clear and I understand that I cried because my heart felt the beauty and sorrow and incredible growth of my future to come.

    Sitting there last Monday I was able to give Thanks for my life experiences thus far…

    And now I know that I am on the brink of more change to come… I am excited and yet mourn briefly the loss of many people and things only to make room for the best to come..

    Devotion to life I suppose… Thanks for the reminder love.

    Reny

    • jbertolus says:

      Wow Reny!
      Thank you for sharing in such an open and authentic way. We’re all going through this together, the changes, the losses, the wins…all of it. Man! Aren’t kids amazing? They have it so figured out. Imagine where they’ll be when they’re our age. It fills me with hope.
      Love you my friend,
      xoxJanet

  • jbertolus says:

    Another reader, Libby, emailed the word focus. Devotion requires focused attention. I love how this word has started such dialogue! Love you guys!
    xoxJ

  • Homi says:

    Ahhhhh! What a great word & meaning!
    I feel similar, as far as certain sounds & scents,taking me back to when I was 5,6 years old! We were all in a beautiful Mosque and clergies were spraying air with rose water:)That’s as far as I can go! Religion confuses me.
    I’m devoted to my family, friends, yoga & meditation:)
    Thank you Janet for your beautiful writing❤️

    • jbertolus says:

      Thank you Homi as always for your beautiful sharing. I was there in the Mosque with you for a minute, smelling roses!
      Yes, religion can be so fucking confusing, and the word devotion has such depth and meaning…always more to think about.
      xoxJanet

  • Areanne says:

    What a journey you’re on, my dear Janet! I love this contemplation. Yes, what IS devotion to me? My first thought was that it’s akin to commitment, because if you’re devoted, you’re committed – to an idea, a practice, a person. But it’s more. It’s commitment with emotion, with love. Hmmm… what else? I’ll have to think about that.
    Happy day, dear heart.
    A.

    • jbertolus says:

      Thank you so much Areanne,
      Commitment with emotion, yes! I love it. It really is a deep question. More than I imagined at first. Oh well, to be continued… let me know what else you come up with, I’d love the insight.
      xoxJanet

  • Dominator says:

    Sorry for the silence; it’s been an “interesting” three weeks!

    I believe that devotion has two parts and that depending on their mix it has different outcomes.
    The first and main one is passion. No passion; no devotion.
    The second part is the willingness of letting go; of letting God, Life, the Energy lead you.
    The caveat comes from our consciousness.
    Awake: Mother Teresa.
    Asleep: Extremists.

Hi, I’m Janet

Mentor. Pirate. Dropper of F-bombs.

This is where I write about my version of life. My stories. Told in my own words.

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