Living Your Life…For Other People

The other night in our awesome Wednesday Women’s group, we talked about being people pleasers and what a dead end street that is.
To be a people pleaser you have to care what other people think. It has to matter to you. A lot. Maybe even enough to alter your behavior, and stifle your badassery.

Everyone is a people pleaser to some degree, no one is immune.
Although, everyone last night has noticed that not all the young people these days are drinking the kool aid. They may do what you want; but they let you know they’re not happy about it. My nephew will NOT be held accountable for my sister’s happiness. He will not sacrifice one iota of “who he is” to be someone she’d like him to be. She loves that….and it bothers her. We want our people to care what we think of them.

He’s a lot like me. My lack of caring what most people thought of me, especially when I was younger, was labeled selfish and conceited. I have never been run of the mill. Shocking, I know. They wanted compliance. It was a constant battle. It’s a different time now. Hallelujah.

When I was a kid and someone said something mean about me, my mom would advise me to: Consider the source. Oh…like step out of my hurt feelings and size up the culprit?
That was genius, and I do it to this day. I highly recommended it to my Wednesday women.
If someone criticizes you or asks you to do something you really don’t want to do, who is that person? What’s their motivation? To control you? To put conditions on their love?
Uh oh…that’s a big one.

What I began to notice over and over again is that they are usually the “un-pleasable” that live among us. No matter how many thank you notes you send, phone calls you make, cupcakes you bake, bridal showers you throw or airport pick ups you do, it’s never enough. You will be tap dancing as fast as you can to THEIR music, and it’s still never right.
So why bother.
I’d rather be happy.
I don’t give a rat’s ass what they wish I’d do or say or be.
It’s very liberating. It’s not easy. There will be name calling.
Oh well.

I DO care what some people think.
There is a core group that I’ve formed and you can too. My group is small.
They are vetted, trusted comrades. They love me and offer constructive criticism and the truth. They have soft eyes and a loving tone when they tell me what they think. Even if it’s harsh. They get my badassery and they’re not looking to change me. THOSE are the people whose opinions I seek and cherish.
The peanut gallery can go to hell. 

If you want to be truly happy, and live a big, amazing life, I suggest you stop looking for other people’s approval. You will never write a blog or do musical theatre if you care. There will always be those that tell you you’re not doing it right.
Consider the source. Is that person an exemplary example of all that you want to be? Probably not. Those people don’t deliver their message that way.
Stop looking around and consider the source. You can quote me on that.

Xox Janet

Were you or have you ever been a people pleaser? Does this push a button?
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