Integrating the Dark with the Light

Pol·ly·an·na
ˌpälēˈanə/
noun
1.
an excessively cheerful or optimistic person.

“Hi my name is Janet and I’m a Pollyanna.”
“Hi Janet”
Geez!

I’ve been called that name countless times in my life…
like its a bad thing.
I’ve been that way ever since I can remember.
Always believing that good would prevail, and that
every cloud has a silver lining.

I think when I was in line to come to planet Earth,
I was busy checking my lipstick or goofing around, because I never got the memo
about all the bad shit that could happen here!
I came for the adventure and the fun of it.
Never once did it occur to me that misery and loneliness,
sadness and depression would be part of the equation.

Therefore, when things happen that are terrible, or unjust, 
Or just plain sad, I have to admit…I’m still surprised.
And surprise can lead to disappointment, as I’ve found out.
And disappointment can be the key that let’s all the heartbreak in. 
Because that’s what happens to me, I become heartbroken.

So…what to do? what to do?

How do I integrate these two? 
The beautiful light that happens here.
And its companion, the “darkness”.

It’s continuing to be a process for me.
I was once told that when your light shines brightly
Some Will be attracted…
And some repelled.
I guess I thought that might apply to bad things too.
Maybe I could repel them somehow.
But why would I be different than anybody else?
No one WANTS pain!

But can I learn to reconcile the ups and downs,
The ebb and flow of life?
Can I be just as okay letting sorrow wash over me as joy?
Or will I choke it off, or stop it altogether because it’s just too damn 
Uncomfortable?

Accepting the bad with the good is my holy grail.
What if I didn’t dog-pile all the judgement on top of the unwanted
events that occur?
Maybe if I learn to throw my hands up and surrender to the pain
will help it move through easier.

My brain understands, my heart…not so much.

If this has been your struggle as well, what has worked for you?
Please share!

XoxJanet